


Let Me Take Care of You

by Eveningstargazer



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Divorce, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional Sex, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eventual Happy Ending, Levi/Eren begins after chapter 10, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, for Levi/Eren though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-22
Updated: 2018-09-09
Packaged: 2019-04-26 11:45:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 65,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14401473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eveningstargazer/pseuds/Eveningstargazer
Summary: As Eren tries to navigate the whirlwind of his failing relationship with his husband of 8 years, struggling through the decision to stay or leave, he finds himself day dreaming about gentle hands and an even gentler voice, guiding him through the mending of his broken heart.Please mind the tags before reading.





	1. Accepted Disappointment

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to my lovely Beta FuzzySmuckers for pushing me to publish this thing that has been hanging out for a few months and to ChromeHoplite for being such an inspirational writer.
> 
> Please mind tags before reading.

“Let me take care of you” 

The words were said in a voice that felt like silk as they were carried across Eren’s ear on a warm breath. He had never heard those words said in a way that sent vibrations down his spine, anticipation pooling low in his belly as the true weight of the words hit him. Eren's eyes fluttered closed as he gave himself over to the other man. 

Cool fingers trailed down Eren’s bare chest and the muscles below his skin tensed and relaxed under the other man’s feather-light touch. His breath hitched as another pair of lips met his own, just as light as the fingers still trailing across his skin, but filled with the promise that he would be treated like something precious, treated in a way he had never been before. 

Eren’s eyelids fluttered as lips continued to press against his own, gentle at first, before the other’s tongue swiped across his bottom lip, asking without pressure for entrance. As his lips parted, Eren felt the small smile that tugged at the other man’s lips. A quiet whimper escaped his throat as their tongues danced. The other man asserted a comforting dominance, not demanding, but supportive, keeping true to his word of caring for the brunette. Soft words floated across his ear "I have you. I've got you. I'm here." Eren lost himself in those words. 

“I want to fuck you” 

Eren’s eyes shot open at the gruff voice, breaking him out of his daydream and sending him plummeting back to reality. The soft, caring voice of his fantasy, faded into the gruff voice of the man in front of him. 

The brunette mumbled around the length in his mouth trying to convey how unprepared he was for the activity that was just requested. He peered over the mound of flesh in front of him, trying to catch Jean’s gaze to convey the message with more urgency, and Jean merely grunted in response. 

“Get yourself ready” Jean said with a shrug. Eren knew better than to stop sucking him to grab any lube. He kept a steady rhythm, tongue dipping into the slit on every fourth bob of his head. After hearing another grunt above him, Eren sighed to himself, knowing he couldn't delay any longer. The brunette paused for just a moment, sucking two fingers into his mouth to coat them with saliva as best he could. 

Reaching behind him he circled his entrance, his mind grasping back towards his daydream like a starving man to water for some form of relaxation. He felt the length in his mouth swell to full hardness as his tongue swirled around the head. It had been 10 minutes and finally his ministrations were seeing results. 

This is always how it always was. Eren knew he was good at giving head, had not only been told so before but, with minimal effort could still get his husband off in just a few minutes, but it had become progressively more difficult to achieve that result in the past few years. If he indulged in some self-analysis, he could attribute this partially to his own lack of interest in the activity but more often than not could place solid blame on the man currently huffing in impatience in front of him. 

A final grunt of “I’m ready” from above reminded Eren that he had yet to even begin stretching himself. As he dipped a finger inside and grimaced through the burn, he doubled his efforts on the swollen length before him, glaring discreetly down at the offending appendage, apprehension building within him. Knowing full well that any saliva that he had managed to get on his fingers had long ago dried, he still allowed the second finger to make its way inside of him. 

Eren’s soft pants fanned out around the cock still stuffed in his mouth as he tried to relax, squeezing his eyes shut as he imagined long, thin fingers trailing down his spine. His breath caught in his throat as he felt the ghost of warmth breath against the nape of his neck and soft kisses placed against his shoulder. The brunette finally felt himself relax enough for the second finger slide the rest of the way in. 

Jean must have felt Eren relax because before he knew it, and certainly before he had adequately prepared himself, Eren was flipped on his back. As he felt the head of Jean’s length pressing against him, Eren reached down, aligning his husband’s length as the man panted above him, not from excitement but from the minor exertion of flipping Eren over. Thankful for the amount of saliva still dripping from the other man's length, Eren gasped through the pain as Jean pushed all the way in, in one sharp thrust. 

As usual, Jean took Eren’s gasp as an affirmation of his skill rather than a response to the pain of his actions. He had always been shit at reading his husband’s response. The man's penchant for confidence and assuming the best in every situation had its disadvantages. It only spurred him on as he grabbed the brunette’s left thigh, a smug smirk curling Jean’s lips as he pulled him in closer, his rough thrusts forcing the air from Eren’s lungs. 

Eren’s noises did always speed Jean towards release, so the brunette made a show of it, arching his back and letting moans and whimpers escape from his parted lips. He sighed to himself in frustration as he felt Jean slip out, and on reflex, reached down to align him again. Eren redoubled his efforts, meeting his thrusts with his hips to re-engage him in their activities. 

Distractions spelled doom for both Jean’s composure and his stamina. Over the last few years, even the tiniest break in his concentration meant Eren would be sucking him off or enduring uncoordinated thrusts for twice as long as necessary as Jean attempted to chase his release. His efforts were in vain tonight, however, and Eren felt his husband softening despite his continued deep and aggressive thrusts. 

Jean mumbled an apology and walked towards the bathroom to clean off, Eren’s reassurances following to try to salvage Jean’s ego. It made the rest of Eren’s job easier if he stayed positive. Jean dropped back on the bed and presented himself, lazily stroking his length as Eren climbed back between his legs and wrapped his lips around the head of the now half hard cock. 

Thankfully he was back to full hardness with a few quick laps of Eren’s tongue. He trailed the muscle up the thick vain on the underside of the other’s length, eliciting a low groan from the man above him. His thumb traced slow circles into Jean's hipbone, the man’s breath quickening as his balls drew tight against the base of his cock. 

Eren shaped his lips into a perfect “O” as he bobbed up and down along Jean’s length, trailing feather-light touches behind his lips. His lips caught on the head and he sucked lightly. “Ah--!” the breathy sound above him urged him on. Jean’s fists tightened in the bedsheets, soft whispers of “I love you,” “So good” spilled from his mouth as Eren hollowed his cheeks. He felt a shudder run through the body beneath him as he took Jean deeper, Eren’s nose buried in the hair at the base of the twitching length as his chest rose and fell rapidly under the ministrations. Eren was close, so very close, not to his own release of course, that’s not how their intimate relations ever played out. No, Eren was close to completing his task of the evening and bringing his husband to release. 

“Need to finish inside” It was a simple statement, but held with it implications for Eren that Jean never took into account. “Oh, okay” was the brunette's simple reply. It wasn’t worth the effort it would have taken to convince him otherwise. Despite still being sore from the rough treatment earlier, and without a hint of arousal to assist him, Eren climbed up to straddle the man, sinking quickly back onto him with a grunt.

Thick fingers gripped his hips with bruising force as Jean thrust into him. For an instant Eren felt a shot of pleasure course through him, and he threw his head back with a moan, feeling his own length twitch in response. Just as quickly as it had come, it was gone. Jean’s thrusts became erratic as his eyes screwed shut in concentration. Eren watched the pleasure shift across his face, beginning with his slightly parted lips, traveling up to flushed cheeks and ending in the small furrow between his brows. 

With a final grunt and a harsh thrust Eren felt Jean pulse inside of him, hot liquid filling him as the man panted beneath him. Jean lifted himself minutely, shoulders raising just slightly off the plush bedding, indicating his desire for a post-orgasm kiss. Eren leaned down to meet him, pouring as much feeling as he could muster into the action before pulling off of him and heading towards the bathroom. Eren’s limp went unnoticed as usual as Jean grabbed tissues from the box on the nightstand, cheerily cleaning himself up as Eren withdrew to take care of his own needs. 

As Eren showered his mind began to wander again. He sighed as the water trailed down his back and soothed the sore flesh between his thighs, a shiver followed the same path as he imagined a warm body pressed against his back. Those long, cool fingers returned to gently run down his chest as strong arms wrapped around him. Eren sighed against the hopelessness filling his gut, turning the shower off once he had scrubbed his skin until it was pink, trying as hard to remove the pang of loneliness as he was the sweat and cum. 

Eren wandered back to the bed, throwing on a pair of boxers on his way and slid beneath the covers, facing out towards the open room. “G’night, love you” he heard from behind him as he switched off his bedside lamp. Eren hummed his response, mumbling a soft “love you” in return as he curled into himself, clutching desperately at the edge of the comforter as if its sole purpose was to ground him in this reality. He rarely concerned himself with his pleasure anymore. Once Jean was sated, the man relied on Eren to speak up if he desired his own completion. 

Despite the discomfort of his neglected length, Eren never did speak up. He had decided some time ago that the frustration he experienced when Jean attempted to satisfy him far outweighed any pleasure or relief he could bring. Eren had tried once, several months ago, to demonstrate for Jean how to bring about that pleasure. He had nodded along, eyes blown with lust as he watched Eren’s hands glide across his skin, the fingers of one hand wrapped firmly around the base of his cock as the fingers of the other danced across his entrance. 

Eren had continued like this for no more than a few minutes before Jean’s resolve had broken and he had mounted him. Eren tried to tell himself Jean had just gotten lost in the moment as tears of pain pooled in the corners of his eyes. Eren had become excellent at justifying Jean’s actions. It just shows how turned on he is. He doesn’t realize it hurts, he’s too distracted. It isn’t like he's doing it on purpose. 

That night had ended like all the others, with Eren hobbling to the bathroom, attempting to clean himself while leaning against the shower wall for support and returning to Jean in bed, a sated smile on the other man's face as he watched tv while Eren tried to fall asleep despite the noise and discomfort. 

Eren hated falling asleep like this, half hard and lonely despite the man behind him and the original promise of pleasure. After nights like this, his dreams always took him to the same place, the same voice, and the same touch that was so much different than the one he knew in his waking life. Eren always woke a frustrated and grumbling mess, struggling to get out of bed and face another day.


	2. Trapped

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A fight, a plea, and a decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for all of the incredible support you have given me through kudos, comments and reblogs from my [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/eveningstargazer) for this and my Voltron fic, [Just a Little More](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14433591). This is the first work I've ever posted and, while pushing that post button was scary, nerve-wracking and overall anxiety producing, your support has helped push me forward and inspired me to continue this tale.

“I’m going to put dinner on in a moment, then I’ll get back to cleaning the guest bedroom,” Eren poked his head around the corner into the living room to smile at Jean. Jean's father would be staying with the couple for a few days following surgery and the brunette wanted to ensure everything was ready and in place for company. Eren was typically a rather clumsy and cluttery individual, creating little nests of books, magazines, cups and pens around the house. When it came to company however, he went into a frenzy of cleaning. 

“I’m not ready for that yet!” Eren heard from the other room, his face fell as he heard the familiar response and the rising tension in Jean's voice. Dinner, of all things, was a touchy subject for the couple. Eren saw clients as a therapist at his practice during the day, while Jean worked from home, keeping odd hours due to the high level of flexibility inherent in his job as a programmer. 

It was common for Jean to come to bed at five in the morning and sleep until early afternoon. Although it could be seen as a minor annoyance to some, it had created some significant issues within their relationship. Primarily because Jean was a bull, or more like a horse, in a china cabinet and never failed to wake Eren on his trek into the bedroom. This pattern always left Eren struggling to get the last hour and a half of sleep before his alarm went off at six thirty. 

As much difficulty as Eren had getting a proper night of rest, and the arguments that occurred because of it, their meal schedule was just as disruptive to the peace within the home. When Eren was eating lunch at work around one, Jean often was just rolling out of bed and frequently waited until four or five in the afternoon to have his lunch. Despite Eren's protests, their dinner time had been pushed back further and further over the years. Eren considered himself lucky if he could eat before nine o’clock at night. 

Eren had tried to talk to Jean about it, argue about it, force the issue and just make dinner instead, but was met with a unique resistance to each tactic. Speaking calmly only resulted in convoluted logic that Eren's tired brain struggled to follow, coupled with demands for Eren to “quite therapizing” him. Arguing always led to yelling and Jean smashing his fists against the desk. The one time Eren had made dinner anyway, explaining calmly that he would be happy to heat Jean's leftovers when he was ready, Eren was accused of being selfish by leaving Jean to eat all on his own, and told that he would just order better food from the take-out restaurant down the street if Eren was going to “act like that”.

Eren was too tired. Too tired to think of a new way to cope with the hostility directed at him for just wanting to sleep through the night and eat when he was hungry, too tired to try harder to accommodate both his husband’s and his own needs, too tired to not just give in and do whatever Jean asked of him. He wanted to speak up, to say that he hadn’t had much to eat all day and was hungry enough that he wouldn’t be as productive with getting everything ready.

This time, it was as if the usual simmering anger Jean expressed when he was frustrated with the dreaded dinner argument had boiled over. Before Eren could being to make his case, Jean’s voice reverberated through the living room, “Just this once, do it for me, it’s a special case! Just do the chores and then make dinner.” 

Jean's hands fisted at his sides as he glared at Eren, the brunette's weight shifting from foot to foot as anxiety spread from his core to his fingertips, his gaze settling on his feet to avoid the other man’s harsh gaze. Eren hated these fights; Jean saw red and Eren never knew what could happen, what might get broken or if this time, someone might get hurt. As tired as he was, he still found a little fight left in him. 

“But I’m hungry. I haven’t eaten since noon, it’s—” Eren glanced at the clock for confirmation “-eight fifteen, and I’m starving. We will get some cleaning done before dinner, while it cooks, and then finish whatever is left afterwards.”

“No! You don’t understand!” Jean smashed his fists against his computer desk, sending knick-knacks clattering to the floor, “I just need you to do this one thing for me, just this once. Just listen to me for once and stop this damn arguing!”

Eren stood in the doorway leading to the dining room. He knew he was setting himself up, knew he was treading into deeper waters when he should be looking for an escape, but he was so hungry and angry and frustrated. He knew better than to raise his voice and match Jean's fury, so he took a breath to stay calm. “I’m really hungry Jean, We will get right back to it after dinner.” 

“Will you stop! This is all your fault. You are making it worse,” Jean screamed as he smashed his fists into the coffee table, the glass insert clattering under the vibrations. 

“Jean, I don’t understand. I’m just talking about making dinner. We will still get the cleaning done, we can do it together and it will go more quickly. You always ask me to wait to eat, no matter how hungry I am. This isn’t a one-time thing”

Jean's face was turning red, the anger seeping into his eyes and his fists clenching and unclenching at his sides. Eren knew he had pushed too far.

“Why—Wont—You—Stop!” Jean punctuated each word with a punch to his leather desk chair until it finally toppled under the assault, falling backwards into the coffee table and knocking one of Eren's special cat statuettes to the floor. Eren cringed as followed Jean’s fixated glare to the small tear in the leather. 

The noise ripping from Jean’s mouth was a feral growl mixed with a rage-full scream that shook through the house. “This is all your fault. Now I have to buy a brand-new chair. You just cost us three hundred dollars. You are directly responsible for this!” 

Jean's tone cut through Eren as blade would his skin. The sheer volume sent him toppling over the edge into his own hysteria. The brunette had never been good about hiding his emotions; they spilled from him freely, on display at all times. This time was no different, it earned him a severe disadvantage in the argument. As the dam broke and the tears streamed down Eren's face, partly from his own rage and partly in response to Jean's aggression, Jean screamed again, “Will you fucking stop!” 

Jean stalked towards him, opening his arms in silent invitation for a hug; Eren flinched and looked away. Jean growled again, “You made this worse. You made me like this. It’s because you can’t have normal emotions,” he motioned towards Eren's tear streaked face. “All I want to do is give you a damn hug!”

The internal screams to escape clouded Eren's mind urging him to do something, anything that would remove him from the conflict. “Can I please go,” his voice was quiet and rough from crying, the saliva thick in his mouth as he tried to swallow around the lump in his throat. His demeanor shrunk, so unlike the typically boisterous man others knew him as. 

There were a few tactics that worked to calm Jean’s aggression. Sometimes, making himself seem as small as possible, shoulders hunched, gaze on the floor, voice soft and small and words calm and polite allowed Jean to break from his rage. This time though he only received another burst of anger from Jean. 

Eren reached towards the door to the stairs, hoping to make his escape before his husband had time to call him back. Eren knew it would push Jean further but the brunette couldn’t stand to be in the same room when he was like this. He knew there was nothing he could do to calm Jean down and helplessness had never sat well with him. Jean screamed after him as he ran up the stairs. 

“No! We have to talk about this, about why you can’t just listen this one time. I told you it was important to me. I told you to wait just this one time but no, you had to go and push all my buttons!” 

“Please, just let me go clean like you asked me to do. I don’t know what you want me to do. I’m trying to do what you told me. I was just hungry,” the tears finally started to slow as Eren willed his voice to stay calm, hoping Jean wouldn’t follow.

“You’re the one that’s got me in a constant state of panic,” Jean paced at the bottom of the stairs, hands fisted in his hair. “Ever since you mentioned the word divorce a month ago, it’s all I can think about. I’m constantly on edge and it’s all your fault.”

“I’m sorry; I just want to go finish my chores. Please just let me do what you asked,” Eren was begging now, shaking on a step halfway up the stairs, hoping Jean would give him the permission he sought. 

About a month ago, the couple had another one of these arguments, over something equally as trivial. As usual, the argument had bubbled into something completed unrelated. Eren had explained to Jean that he couldn’t be happy with the lack of freedom, respect, and affection in their relationship. Jean had spit in the face of the old adage, “Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answer to” and had asked if Eren still wanted to stay married. The brunette had hesitated for a few moments and then stated that he wasn’t sure. 

Jean's eyes had gone unfocused, staring through, rather than at, the wall in front of him. Eren had waited several minutes, but with no response from the other man, had excused himself to their bedroom. Eren took the opportunity to calm down, folding laundry and distancing himself from the moment. The brunette had been contemplating the possibility that his marriage was no longer functional for several months, but this was the first time he had verbalized the gravity of the issues they were facing in a single concrete statement. 

That evening replayed in Eren's mind as he watched Jean attempt to calm himself from his current anger. Eren had known Jean was on edge the past few weeks, had even assumed correctly that his declaration had been the cause, but secretly hoped Jean would show him how much he cared about him, rather than reminding him how upset Eren had made him. 

Eren finally received the, “Fine, go ahead” from Jean, indicating his permission to leave without causing more of an incident and scurried up the remainder of the staircase. Jean followed quickly behind and they set about their separate tasks. Not five minutes had passed, each of them working in their separate corners of the space, before Jean's anxiety had clearly gotten the best of him and he felt forced to break the silence, “I’m sorry, you know. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Eren huffed quietly, enough that Jean could not hear. Anger settled in his gut as he tried to stay level headed and see things from the other man's perspective. “I know,” was all he could bite out without risking his resolve faltering. 

Jean walked over to him, hands outstretched in a plea for physical contact. Despite Eren's frustration, he didn’t flinch away this time and allowed Jean to pull him into a tight embrace. His cheek pressed against Eren's as his warm breath drifted across his shoulder. 

“I can’t stand to think of losing you and ever since you mentioned you were thinking of divorce, I’ve been terrified,” Jean whispered into the crook of Eren’s neck. 

Eren stayed silent, torn between a response meant to comfort him, or a retort to drive the point home before Jean spoke up again, “I know I get angry and that it upsets you, but when I get like that I see red and can’t control what I do. You know how to push my buttons and I can’t stop once it’s started.” 

As he spoke Eren gently removed himself from the man's grasp and sat on the floor to continue sorting through the boxes in front of him, his back facing the other. He didn’t offer a response. 

“You are my everything. I can’t lose you. I wouldn’t know how to go on without you,” Jean continued, the pleading evident in his voice. 

“You’d manage,” Eren responded, emptiness in his tone that surprised even himself. He was dissociating from the situation, knew himself well enough to know that he had a finite store of energy to process his emotions. When that energy was exhausted, there was no filter. Everything came out exactly as it was in his head, for better or worse. 

“No, I wouldn’t and you know that,” Jean's breath ghosted across his nape as he wrapped his arms around Eren's waist, pulling him gently against his chest. How he could be so gentle when just ten minutes before he had destroyed a piece of furniture Eren could never understand. Eren sighed more from frustration and confusion than anything else as guilt began to wash over him. 

This is how it always was. Jean was wonderful at apologizing. It was when he became his most affectionate, with little touches to Eren's waist, soft kisses to his lips, and a look of pleading apology in his eyes. Eren's mind began to wander, once again slipping into his therapeutic training, analyzing their actions as if he were outside of them. That was the biggest disadvantage to being a therapist. They say a therapist should never be a therapist to their own family, but they forget to warn about how difficult it will be to not “therapize” oneself. The practice would twist Eren thoughts at the worst times. He began to wonder if he was truly pushing Jean's buttons on purpose, knowing there would be no lasting consequence because he could just pick up the broken pieces in the end? Did Eren accept and excuse the hurt and anger Jean caused just so he could receive the affection he didn’t get in their day-to-day life?

“I love you,” Jean whispered, the sound right against Eren's ear, breaking him from his spiral of self-analysis, “I hope you know that. I don’t want to make you sad, or angry. I just want you to be happy, happy with me.”

“I know. I love you too,” Eren breathed. The words felt so empty. He knew that he cared about Jean and didn’t want to see him hurt or sad. He knew he loved Jean in the sense of wanting good things for him; but he was no longer sure he was in love with him anymore and maybe hadn’t been for the past few years. It was a hard realization, something that had floated through his mind on occasion the past few months, but that never made it easier to handle. Eren took a calming breath to ensure the tears building in the corners of his eyes didn’t fall. 

Jean buried his face in the crook of Eren’s neck, leaving soft kisses along the curve where it met his shoulder. He whispered about his dreams for a future they shared together, how much he loved him, the pain he would feel if he ever left. He begged Eren to promise he would never leave him. 

Eren stared at the wall in front of him, absorbing what his husband said, trying to picture the same dreams. They were dreams he had shared with Jean once, when he was caught up in the rush of a new relationship, in the arms of someone who said they loved him. It had all happened so fast. He had met Jean less than a year after escaping three years with an abusive boyfriend and Jean had swept Eren off of his feet.

Now, ten years later, Eren felt as though their dreams had diverged so sharply there may never be a path together again. Eren wanted to grow and flourish as a person, dedicate himself to his career and continue on the path to success he had been so fortunate to land on in the last few years. Eren wanted to live a life filled with financial security, travel, independence, and have a romantic relationship with an individual who was healthy and independent as well. He wanted to share soft kisses on the couch after work, not just after arguments. He wanted to enjoy sex again and not feel as though it was an obligation to prevent being told he was 'holding out.' Eren wanted to feel cherished through the simple actions of a comforting presence rather than feel like a mother to his thirty-year-old husband. 

Despite Jean’s affections, frustration and anger built back up inside Eren as he imagined what Jean's dreams meant for him. They meant remaining trapped and continuing the status quo. 

“There are so many things that would have to change,” he whispered, barely audible if it weren’t for Jean's proximity but the man was quick to respond. 

“I’ll change everything; I’ll be a completely different person if it means you’ll stay,” Jean begged. Eren huffed at his response. It seemed such a childish notion from him. How could he have a healthy relationship if Jean was willing to give up everything that made him, him? 

“You can’t maintain that,” it was the only thing Eren could get out. His heart clenched at Jean's attempt at a display of devotion, knowing the only emotions it pulled from him were guilt and pity. 

“I promise you I can,” Jean's eyes met Eren's and the brunette knew in that moment that the man truly believed he could become the person he thought Eren wanted him to be, change everything about himself, and live behind that façade for the rest of their lives. 

Before he could dismiss the possibility of such a drastic change, Eren's phone buzzed, alerting him that Mikasa had responded to his earlier message about the fight. Eren removed himself from Jean’s embrace, turning so the other man couldn’t see the messages on his phone. He stood and meandered back to the other side of the room to continue their cleaning. Eren looked over the first few messages he had exchanged with Mikasa before Jean had come over to apologize. 

**20:30 Jeager:** So... Defiantly going to have to keep a recorder handy  
**20:30 Mika:** Oh no  
**20:30 Jeager:** Horrible fight and it's evidently all my fault  
**20:31 Mika:** What did you do this time?  
**20:32 Mika:** Also wanna come over and watch anime instead?

Eren smiled inwardly. She had tried so hard to be less protective over the years, especially since Jean and he had been together for so long, but she still got angry at Jean when Eren would vent. Eren had tried not to utilize her too much, fearful that she would eventually tell him to stop talking to her about it if he wasn’t going to do anything to change his situation. 

**21:15 Jeager:** /sigh idk what to do, it was an awful fight, he ripped his chair, he yelled and he screamed and he said nasty things. Then once he made me cry because he wouldn't let me escape he told me that this is why it's my fault, that I don’t have normal emotions, he started to sober up but kept saying it was my fault that the chair is broken, that I kept pushing his buttons and saying the same thing over and over because I knew it made him angrier  
**21:16 Jeager:** When I finally got him calmed down and got upstairs he seemed to realize that this was an issue and started apologizing  
**21:16 Mika:** Oh boy. Do you need me to come over and talk through your window or something? 

Eren was typing so quickly he didn’t even see her message until after his mini-rant was over. She always knew how to make him smile, even though he knew that if he asked she was completely serious and would in fact come over and talk to him through the window. 

**21:17 Jeager:** And then started having a deep conversation and telling me how afraid of losing him he was  
**21:17 Mika:** What started it?  
**21:17 Jeager:** And he wants to grow old together. And he's sad that I can't promise I won't leave him  
**21:18 Mika:** But what about what you want?  
**21:18 Jeager:** And how can he fix it. And how hard he's been trying  
**21:18 Mika:** Does he even realize that he upsets you?  
**21:18 Jeager:** And how much effort he put into making sure he did well this weekend. And how he didn't rely on me for stuff this weekend 

Eren knew he was dumping everything onto Mikasa, not sparing a second thought for her responses, but in the moment he needed to get out all of the anger and frustration. 

**21:18 Mika:** But obliviously he's not trying if he is still making you cry!  
**21:18 Jeager:** And how he let me just spend time with you. And how upset it made him that ppl thought we were a couple and not he and I  
**21:19 Jeager:** But in his mind, he blacked out and all he could see was red so he couldn't calm down no matter what  
**21:19 Mika:** But he doesn't do anything coupleish with you!  
**21:20 Jeager:** I told him "it's not like you make me feel comfortable like Mika does" and he's like "what do you mean, I held your hand and stuff  
**21:20 Mika:** -.- Hand holding and stuff…He really doesn't understand how to be a couple.  
**21:21 Jeager:** No he doesn’t  
**21:22 Mika:** After Thanksgiving, please find a therapist. Or do you think it's even possible to salvage it now?  
**21:22 Jeager:** He trapped me again, now I feel even more guilt because he was trying so hard to be sweet  
**21:23 Jeager:** Part of me wants to believe it and let my heart fill with it, and the other part wants to see it as the possible manipulation it is  
**21:23 Mika:** But why are you feeling guilty? What did you do?  
**21:24 Jeager:** Pushed him? And not giving him a chance?  
**21:24 Mika:** If you were a school teacher and a student only got 20% of the questions right but was trying do you pass him? You gave him 10 years of chances… And you don't push him you stand up for yourself  
**21:25 Jeager:** No…I know  
**21:25 Mika:** You don't deserve to be treated this way!  
**21:27 Mika:** You are an amazing person and beautiful on the inside and out! So if Jean is really "trying" he can say things like that to you as well. To make you feel good about yourself, not worse! 

Eren sighed heavily. Mikasa had known him for most of his life. She was more than just his adopted sister, she was one of his best friends. They were so close, so in tune, that it wasn’t unusual for them to be mistaken as a couple when they went out together. Despite the fact that Eren was very comfortable with his sexuality and had no romantic attraction to females, much less his adopted sister, their closeness had caused its own fair share of arguments between Jean and himself. 

Eren turned Mikasa's analogy over in his head, analyzing it, applying it, taking it deeper. The student deserves support and a clear understanding of the consequences. They deserve a reasonable amount of time to try to learn the material, as well as be given the required tools to do so. Jean knew the consequences if he were to “fail.” It was Eren's responsibility to ensure he clearly communicated the “material” Jean would need to learn to pass the test. Eren would also need to give him a reasonable amount of time to make those changes. There were plenty of tools at his disposal, none of which he had yet used, such as seeking out his own support system for advice, reading articles on improving the marriage, or flipping through the multitude of books he owned from his studies. 

Eren chuckled to himself. He, a licensed therapist with a master’s degree, who had worked for years with couples whose relationship had sunk to rock bottom, helped countless families get back on their feet or have amicable separations, and his own marriage was on a spiral towards destruction. It was not the first time this had been brought to his attention. Many of his peers suffered under the same weight. Eren acknowledged that therapists overanalyze themselves, their spouses, and sometimes felt used by their acquaintances. However, it was time to seek out his own support, and not just from friends who were predisposed to support any mood he happened to be in. He needed his own therapist. The sinking in his gut reminded him how uncomfortable this entire process might be. 


	3. Hollow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for all of your incredible support through your kudos, comments and reads. Feel free to ask me anything about this or my other fics through my [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/eveningstargazer)

It was a few weeks later that Eren found himself seated on a hunter green leather sofa, cringing at the noise it made as he fidgeted. Eren wrung his hands together as he sat before the brunette, messy hair pulled high into a ponytail with strands sticking out in every direction. Eren had smiled as soon as he saw her, relaxed yet energetic, spontaneous and of a similar spunk as his own. They had hit it off immediately, but just like in his own sessions with clients, they had gotten down to business without much preamble. Despite Hanji’s demeanor, Eren maintained his nervousness throughout the session. 

As Eren wound the trail of his history with Jean, referring to his journal on occasion for support with details, Hanji’s eager and eccentric smile morphed into something tinged with the edge of concern. He hadn’t noticed how his palms were clammy with sweat or how often he had shifted in his seat until her gentle voice pulled him back to the present. 

“What has you so nervous, Eren?” her eyes rounded in concern but absent the pity he had feared he would see. 

“It’s difficult to recount everything. On paper, and if I allow my therapist mind to speak, I know I’m in an abusive relationship. His anger and disrespectful actions alone are enough to make that statement. Also, the fact that I feel like I’m living with a roommate, shy away from his touch, and overall avoid time with him also support this being a negative relationship. However, as soon as those words leave my lips, I start to justify, to make excuses, to hold on to every last shred of hope I concoct just so I won’t have to face the confrontation that could come with acknowledging I’m participating in something unhealthy.” 

Hanji nodded, but remained quiet for a time, allowing Eren his space to ramble on with anecdotes of Jean’s behaviors allowing him to avoid confronting the statement he had just made for the moment. She listened intently as the anger welled within Eren, only to crest and plummet back down into justification once the anger revealed itself. 

“I just feel so lost,” Eren mumbled as he scrubbed his face with his hands following his rant. 

“Are you safe?” The quite words from the therapist took him a moment to process. 

“Yeah, he won’t hurt me.” It was said with such confidence and resolve Hanji’s only response was to nod firmly. Eren fidgeted. The question always implied a slap or a punch, which Eren was confident Jean was rebellious enough against his father to never repeat the actions he saw as a child. Other hurts, however, were certainly on the table. 

“I can’t stand saying that I’m in an abusive relationship. I’ve worked with rape survivors and with domestic violence survivors. Jean has never laid a hand on me so I feel as though I’m betraying them by even mentioning the potential to be in the same category as they are. I can’t bear that thought, so I justify and ensure that no matter what he does, I don’t identify myself as being abused. What I’m going through is nothing compared to what they have survived.” 

Eren shuddered, he knew what he said was true, that his mind would constantly pull him back from that designation. He fought both for self-preservation to prevent mounting feelings of guilt and self-deprecation at having stayed in such a negative relationship and to honor his previous clients by recognizing their struggle as so much more than his own. 

“It sounds to me like you are minimizing. I wonder if it’s out of fear? If you acknowledge you are in an abusive relationship, then you are duty bound to address it,” Hanji smirked a little at the trap she had laid, watching as Eren shot a heatless glare her way. 

Addressing it, that was where everything started to fall apart. Addressing it meant open confrontation and that was something Eren had long ago sought to avoid. Jean had all but stomped out any aptitude Eren had for confrontation in the ten years they had been together. The fire that previously resided behind bright green eyes had flickered out years ago. There was no fight left in him anymore. 

Eren sighed. “I don’t think I’m ready to address it yet,” came his soft reply. It was difficult to admit what he saw as his own weakness, his inability to do the very thing he always requested of his own clients. “I still care about him. I don’t want to hurt him.” 

When the session finally drew to a close, Eren felt a mix of empowerment and anger, dread and emptiness. His mind swam with possibilities and he repeated his own analysis of his relationship in his mind as he drove home.

~~

“Are we gonna do anything tonight?”

 

Jean had been acting on edge especially when asking about sex as he was now. They had driven out to Eren’s parents’ for a weekend visit earlier that day. It was a 3 hour drive and it had been fairly pleasant for the first hour and a half. Unfortunately, that ended when Jean woke up about twenty minutes before they stopped at the rest stop near the half way mark. 

 

For the entire twenty minutes to the rest stop Jean rattled through a list of complaints. The first had been that Eren was stopping too short when the person in front of him hit their brakes. Eren had snapped at Jean, “If you are just going to complain about my driving, then you should fucking drive.” 

 

Jean had only responded with a complaint about how he doesn’t like to drive and moved on to his next complaint, tallying up Eren’s failures as quickly as the mile markers they were passing. 

 

“I don’t understand why you couldn’t stop at our normal rest stop. This one doesn’t even have Sbarro’s. I’m stuck with a fucking Subway sandwich,” Jean groaned as they made their way out of the rest stop. 

 

“I don’t get it,” Eren responded, “You have Subway every single trip up here.” 

 

Jean responded with a growl of frustration, “Yeah, well this dinky rest stop had a shit bathroom too. It was closed for maintenance so there were three people ahead of me in line. It was such a long wait.” 

 

Eren sighed in response, running his hands nervously through his hard, gripping at the strands gently to try to ground himself and hoping that the rest of the ride would be smooth. 

 

Eren’s hopes had been dashed, however, as soon as Jean opened his sandwich. He immediately launched into a tirade about how messy his sandwich was and how he was going to ruin his new Avengers shirt that had come in his most recent Loot Crate. 

 

Eren had made a quiet hum of acknowledgement in an attempt to satisfy Jean and had simmered in anger for the rest of the drive, frustrated in how childish his husband was acting. Jean continued to spill bits of his teriyaki chicken sandwich all over his shirt and reminding Eren how much better it would have been if he had been able to get a Stromboli from Sbarros. Eren had tried to remain calm, snapping back a few times, but mostly was too frustrated to respond. 

 

Eren struggled to understand how childish Jean was acting. _How could a thirty-year-old man struggle so badly to eat a sandwich in the car and then need so much attention to clean himself up?_ As much as Eren griped at Jean to be careful while he drove, Jean spent the better part of the next ten minutes distracting Eren from driving by asking him to hand him napkins, show him where the water was so he could rinse off, and making other snide comments about the situation. 

 

The couple descended into silence, Eren listening to _A Perfect Circle_ while Jean stared angrily out the window. Eren had nearly calmed by the time Jean decided he wanted to switch out Eren’s music (evidently “A Perfect Circle” is angry music) and put on a comedy special. They shared a few laughs at some well-timed Kevin Heart jokes and passed the rest of the drive in a much more comfortable atmosphere. 

 

Now, several hours later, they were finally settled down at their destination with the rest of the house retired to bed. Left alone in the living room, Jean’s question had disrupted their otherwise pleasant evening of catching up on shows they had missed during the busy previous few weeks. It wasn’t that Eren didn’t want sex. In fact, he was almost always uncomfortably horny, but Jean no longer inspired the excitement in him that he previously had. 

 

There was no romance left in their relationship; Jean always asked Eren to take care of him rather than initiate anything sexual between both of them. Eren had discussed this with Jean on several occasions; taking the time to explain how he no longer felt affection between them. Eren had been so touch starved for so long that when Jean held him back against his chest after that argument, it felt as though Eren was melting into Jean’s embrace. It was glorious in the moment, but when Eren reflected, it only made him feel pathetic. That Eren could forget all of the hurtful words and anger fueled actions the moment Jean touched him only led to confusion, guilt and a feeling of helplessness he couldn’t escape. 

 

Tonight was no different. Jean didn’t try to reach out to him, didn’t tuck his hair behind his ear, didn’t even ask if Eren was interested in anything for himself. He just asked in a level tone, “Are we gonna do anything tonight?” Eren realized Jean must have seen his scowl when his face dropped and he mumbled, “We don’t have to if you don’t want to.” 

 

“It’s fine, I’ll just take care of you,” Eren sighed. 

 

It was a common response from him. Eren made it a point to almost never turn Jean down when he asked for sex for a few reasons. The first was that he felt, as his partner, it was a significant part of his responsibility to ensure Jean’s needs were met, regardless of his own. While archaic, this obligation spurred on Eren’s decision to acquiesce, despite his mood, comfort, or own needs. 

 

Second, if Eren turned Jean down, there was a greater than ideal chance that it would be held against him the next time he asked for sex. Since this was Friday, it was almost guaranteed that the next request could come tomorrow since, like clockwork, it was Eren’s job to ‘take care of him’ on the weekend). 

 

Third, sex in any form calmed Jean down enough that Eren was often guaranteed to be argument free for the rest of the day. Eren chuckled quietly to himself… _And he wonders why I think our sex life is shit…_

 

Jean began to act nervously, shifting from foot to foot and mumbling again about not needing to if Eren didn’t want to. Eren became obstinate; his anger towards Jean from earlier in the day bubbled to the surface and he continued to say it was fine, voice rising with each repetition. The pair went back and forth for nearly five minutes before Jean said, “I don’t want you to feel like you have to do something you don’t want to.” 

 

“Fine. If I’m not going to take care of you, I guess I’m going to go to bed,” Eren snapped, turning on his heel and beginning to walk out of the living room. 

 

“Hey, wait. Come give me a hug,” Jean said, voice quiet and pleading. Eren huffed and made his way over to the recliner Jean was laying in, leaning over and giving him a half-hearted hug and kiss goodnight. Eren turned to make his way out again before Jean called him back again but didn’t make it in time. 

 

“I’m sorry, I’m just really worried. I’ve been scared for weeks. I can’t lose you,” Jean was staring at the floor, his voice half an octave higher than normal. Eren was torn between taking the comment at face value while appreciating the affection Jean was attempting to show him, and sneering at the way Jean sounded so pathetic, begging him instead of trying to do anything to keep him at his side. Eren thought bitterly, _I wanted a man that would fight for me, not guilt me into staying with him because of promises I made when we first started dating._

 

“It scares me that you won’t promise me you’ll stay. You never had a problem promising before, and the fact that you can’t promise me now makes me feel like you will just up and leave tomorrow or something,” Jean said, still lounging back in the chair, staring up at Eren’s back as his husband continued to look towards his escape route. 

 

“I don’t know what to tell you Jean,” Eren had turned to face him again leaning down and looping his arms around Jean’s neck. Even if Jean didn’t know how to comfort and show physical affection, Eren felt obligated to at least do what he craved to his partner. “I don’t want to promise something I can’t be sure of.” 

 

“But you were never unsure. I don’t understand what has changed,” Jean palmed Eren’s waist gently but nervously, as if he didn’t know if he was still allowed to touch his husband. Eren pulled him closer, burying his head in Jean’s neck. 

 

“I can promise you I love and care about you. I can promise you I will do everything I can to make sure we stay together. I promise I won’t just up and leave; there are too many things that would need to happen before that,” Eren mumbled into Jean’s neck. 

 

“What do you mean? It’s not like I’d ever beat you.” Of course, that would be where Jean’s mind went. That was what had ended his parents’ relationship after 30 years together. His father had been physically abusive for several years, particularly when his mother would be drunk. Once she had gotten sober, it didn’t take much more abuse before she decided she had had enough and filed for divorce. 

 

“That’s not what I meant,” Eren sighed. 

 

“I’d like to think that if I became a murderer or something you’d stand by me.” That was an interesting thought. If Jean never turned a hand on him, but had killed others in cold blood, could Eren continue to be with him? Eren scoffed and then realized Jean one again was misinterpreting his statement. 

 

“No, I mean there would be so many steps we would take together before I ever made a decision like that. There would be conversations and we would go to therapy and everything before it ever got to that,” Eren released his arms from around Jean’s shoulders and stood straight again 

 

His words seemed to do little to assuage Jean’s fears and insecurities. “I need you to not be scared. I need you to help me find a solution rather than just beg me to stay," Eren wanted badly to scream at Jean to fight for him, but couldn’t bring himself to be more dramatic than he was already being. 

 

“But I am scared,” Jean’s voice trembled in response. “I was only confident in our relationship because you kept promising you’d be with me forever. My insecurities are what ended my last relationship; I don’t want them to end this one too. My biggest fear is losing the people I love, the people I care about.” 

 

Eren touched the back of Jean’s hand lightly. 

 

“I need you to realize that the more afraid you are, the more likely you are to push me away. I need you to be you, not some façade you put up for a few weeks to keep me.” The pair held on to one another for a little while longer; communicating their fears, hopes and concerns silently between them. 

 

Jean ran his hands down Eren’s sides, settling them on his hips, palming them lightly as his fingers gently massages Eren’s nape, curling in the brown locks there. It was the first time in a while he had touched Eren to communicate anything other than sexual need. Eren rested his head against Jean’s shoulder as his hand slid to the base of his spine, but stayed high enough to ease any concerns Eren might have that he would still seek gratification tonight. 

 

“I love you,” Jean whispered into Eren’s hair. 

 

Eren repeated the words back to his husband, voice slightly rougher than before. Eren was growing hollow again, sinking back into himself despite his husband’s gentle touches and whispered words. Eren wanted so badly to make the promise Jean was begging him for. He wanted to say with confidence that he loved Jean beyond a doubt, that he would be with him forever, that he wanted this to work. Eren couldn’t rationalize this burning desire with the emptiness he felt when actually thinking about what their future together would hold. Eren nuzzled into the curve of Jean’s neck and steadied his breathing, trying to quell the tempest within. Jean took it as another affectionate touch, pulling him closer and Eren did nothing to dissuade him.


	4. It's Fine

"Hey," Eren's voice, barely above a whisper, still traveled through the quiet living room as he walked through the door. 

 

"Oh, hey. Why didn’t you call?" Jean's voice sounded from the computer chair across the room, back turned to Eren as he continued playing his first-person shooter, flailing wildly as large, bold letters announced his team’s win. 

 

"I did call," Eren mumbled. Rose, Maria, and Sina wound their way around Eren’s feet, meowing their welcome as he bent to greet them. 

 

"I don't have a missed call," Jean shrugged and turned in his chair to face Eren, waiting for him to approach. Eren set his messenger bag down, slipping the headphones from his ears and made his way towards his husband. Straightening up after having bent down to give Jean the obligatory peck in greeting. Eren’s mind was elsewhere, stuck miles away in his office with the clients he had worked with that day. Jean returned to his game, strategize over Discord with his team mates. Jean was always a strong player, dedicated to a fault, striving to be on top, often elected leader of the offensive for his prowess with strategizing. 

 

As Eren trudged through the house towards the kitchen, Jean called out a, “how was work” in between the calls to his team mates. 

 

"Long day," Eren mumbled, opening the fridge to look inside. While not physically strenuous, his job as a counselor was often mentally taxing. He loved helping his clients; they had received such little support throughout their lives, and it was his job to provide that glimmer of hope they had been missing. As much as he loved it though, it still placed a weight on his shoulders. He always strove to do his best, to persevere and fight their demons alongside them. Sometimes, however, it all seemed a bit too much even for his nearly impervious will. 

 

"How come?" Jean asked. He had told Eren before, on several occasions, that he never believed in therapy, going so far as to tell Eren his job was just to manipulate people all day. Eren was always curious about the root of Jean’s distrust for his profession but had always shied away from digging any deeper. 

 

"I did an intake on another 14-year-old followed by a regular that had another relapse," Eren answered from the kitchen as he began to prepare dinner. 

 

Jean simply hummed acknowledgement in response as Eren started placing the ingredients in the oven. Once done, he made his way towards the bedroom, changing into his flannel pajama bottoms and laying down for a quick rest before moving on with the evening. It was Thursday night, meaning raid lay ahead of him. It was four hours of MMO gaming that Eren no longer looked forward to but couldn't back out of because Jean thought it was a foundation of their relationship. 

 

Jean and Eren had met through the game, playing together, raiding together, spending quiet nights chatting in the virtual forest. That was 10 years ago, and Jean still clung to it as an essential "couple's activity" despite Eren’s growing dislike for the game. 

 

Thumbing through his Tumblr feed, Eren looked up as Jean entered the bedroom. He knew he had another 30 minutes before raid, and just wanted to rest. Grunting as entered, Jean asked Eren what he was doing. 

 

"Resting before raid,” Eren responded, voice quiet and full of tiredness. “My back is killing me and my brain is just about fried." 

 

"Oh," Jean climbed into the bed, immediately dragging Eren over to him as Eren grimaced at the pain that shot up his back from the movement. "Well, do you think if you feel better later we could have sex? I'm horny." 

 

Eren sighed to himself, "I'll just take care of you now. Four hours sitting in the chair isn't going to make my back miraculously feel better." 

 

"Oh, well, you don't have to if you don't want to then,” Jean back peddled, recognizing the shift in Eren’s mood but not understanding exactly what had triggered it. 

 

"It's fine," Eren mumbled, barely cloaking his displeasure at the task he was about to undertake. Within seconds of finishing his straightening of the sheets, Jean was sprawled atop them, boxers already thrown across the room. 

 

Things felt as though they were returning to the twisted version of normal Eren had become accustomed to. Sex remained a difficult subject for either to broach but that only led to a downward spiral. Eren wanted to protect Jean, to keep him from hurt and negativity, so he returned to their previous pattern. Eren would take care of Jean, refusing to verbalize his own needs to avoid the conversation, moving full steam ahead without thinking of every avenue or potential consequence.

~~~ 

“I need to ask you something,” Jean’s voice cut like a blade through Eren’s slumber. It was five in the morning and Jean was crawling across the bed like a predator, wary of spooking his prey but no less intent on taking it down.

 

“What did I do?” Eren’s voice, even through sleep, was filled with anxiety coupled with defensiveness. There had been far too many of these early morning conversations for his sleep-addled brain to work through for him to be surprised by it. Jean had become increasingly concerned. His logical, sometimes overactive, mind conjuring suspicions out of nowhere that he was compelled to confront Eren on. 

 

“Are you cheating on me with Mikassa?” Jean’s voice was soft but firm, the question clearly difficult for him to ask but based in conviction that lent legitimacy to the accusation. 

 

“What?? I don’t understand what you are talking about?” Eren lifted himself up until he was leaning back on his elbows, a hand scrubbing at his face in an attempt to wash the sleepiness away. 

 

“Mikassa, have you been...” Jean paused, swallowing thickly as he prepared to finish his question, “...have you been having sex with her?” 

 

Eren’s eyes widened, nearly glowing in the faint light of the bedroom as he tried to process what Jean was asking. “Jean, I don’t understand. You know Mikassa is like a sister to me, and if that’s not enough…I’m gay. I've never had any interest in women... you know this.” 

 

“Look, I know you think this is out of the blue, but there’s just so many things that add up. I was looking at the credit cards and found a charge for a sex shop. I thought it was a fraudulent charge so I looked in paypal but that confirmed you ordered something. I went into your email to find the order and there it was, plain as day. You had bondage toys sent to Mikassa. How could you?” 

 

Eren blinked slowly, trying to follow Jeans rambling as his husbands arms flailed about in descriptive emphasis. “Wait, so because I had that shipped to Mikassa… you think I’m having sex with her? Did you even once think it could be a joke, or a gift? You know we are open with one another and she and I talk about our sex lives, so it’s not like it would be out of the ordinary.” 

 

Jean sighed, “No, those possibilities didn’t cross my mind. You two are always so close, it wasn’t a huge jump for me to think that closeness went beyond friendship, so I looked at your text messages in your phone,” Before Jean could continue, Eren shot up in bed, sitting up fully. 

 

“Excuse me, you did what?” Eren stared at his husband, confusion and betrayal swirling within darkening green eyes, a scowl spreading across his face, “Why would you think that’s ok?” 

 

“You’ve said before that if I ever wanted to go through your phone, I could,” Jean defended, holding his hands up in front of him as though warding off Eren’s anger. 

 

“I said no such thing! At least not without my knowledge or consent! That’s completely invasive Jean!” Eren was up and out of the bed at this point, pacing to relieve the tension and stress bundled inside him. 

 

“See, this behavior just makes me think there is something going on. You and Mikassa were joking a lot about sex in the texts I saw, and everything before a month ago had been deleted. It’s a logical conclusion.” 

 

“I’m acting like this because I can’t believe that not only did you betray my trust and invade my privacy… You are actively accusing me of fucking my sister!” Eren’s hands flew into his hair, tugging roughly, attempting to dissipate the anxiety he felt bubbling beneath his skin. 

 

“Then why did you have bondage stuff sent to her house?” Jean replied, still trying to put the pieces together in a logical fashion. 

 

Eren groaned, tugging at his hair again, “It was something I was thinking we could try but 

I wanted to play around with it myself before brining it up with you. I knew that if I had it shipped here you would want to try it immediately and I don’t even know if it’s something I’ll like.” 

 

Jean perked up at Eren’s statement, slightly misinterpreting his concerns, “Yeah, you’ve mentioned bondage before, it’d be great to try it. But wait, so that means you were hiding it from me!” 

 

Eren sighed, “Jean, did you hear anything I just said? I said I didn’t think you’d let it go if you saw them, and you just proved me right. As soon as I mentioned wanting to try it you jumped on it immediately despite me saying I wanted to go slow in the same fucking sentence!” 

 

“Well yeah, it’s something we should try together, isn’t it? And how did you explain to Mikassa why you were having something shipped to her?” Jean wrung his hands together in his lap as he shifted his position on the bed. 

 

Eren sat on the edge of the bed, trying to will himself to calm down. “I didn’t have to tell her much, she doesn’t ask many follow up questions as long as I tell her I’m ok, you know that. As for trying it out, I don’t know. Something like that takes a lot of trust, I didn’t trust you to take it slow, and now that you know about it you can’t even let it go. I know you don’t mean to, but you are making me feel like you are pressuring me to let you use everything in the package immediately and I’m not even ready to use any of it.” Eren tried to keep his voice level but the more he rambled the higher the pitch became, giving away his concern and anxiety. 

 

“Well, you still haven’t actually answered the question.” Jean noted, his head tilted just to the side, glossing over Eren’s stated concerns. 

 

Eren took a deep breath, compressing the anger and betrayal he was feeling into a tiny ball at his core. He breathed in again, trying to release the tension in his shoulders and normalize his now hoarse and scratchy voice. “No Jean, I have not had sex with Mikassa.” 

 

Jean hummed quietly in acknowledgement, “Were you planning to? Have you two maybe fooled around a bit?” 

 

Eren’s anger spiked but he stamped it down once more, “No Jean, I have not, and will not engage in anything sexual with Mikassa. May I please go back to sleep?” He crawled back under the covers, fingers slightly trembling as he willed himself to calm down enough to return to sleep. 

 

“Yeah, I guess that’s it,” Jean replied, lying down next to Eren and pulling him against his chest. “You know you can tell me anything right? I won’t get mad as long as you are being honest.” 

 

Eren signed, thankful that sleep was beginning to tug at his mind again despite such a heated interruption, “There’s nothing to tell Jean, nothing is going on.” He missed the whispered I love you from behind him as sleep took him once again.

~~~ 

“He downloaded every single text message, Mikassa,” Eren sitting in the driver’s seat of his car outside of the local coffee shop. His grip on the steering wheel was turning his knuckles white as he recounted the previous night’s events. He and Mikassa would get tea and coffee together every weekend while Jean was still asleep. If offered Eren an opportunity to get out of the house and be social without Jean breathing down his neck.

 

“And how could he think we were having sex! No offence, but ew!” Eren turned to Mikassa sitting in the passenger seat who snorted at her adoptive brother’s animated reaction. 

 

“No, no. I get it. He went way too far,” Her voice quieted as it filled with concern, “What did he say after you explained?” 

 

“He just said I should be honest with him. But I don’t think it’s going to stop there Mikassa, I’m sure he checks my location, he didn’t remove the app he used to get all of my texts and data off my phone and even though I did that this morning there is no guarantee he can’t get it back on there. Did you know he didn’t even have to touch my phone? He just logged into our phone account, activated a few settings and was able to download the app onto my phone remotely. “ 

 

“Eren, he’s a programmer, he is smart, and he is also in love with you and will do anything to keep you. So yeah, I’m not surprised. He is also calculating and always thinking two steps ahead of you. You are smart, but you think with your emotions. Jean things like a chess player,” Mikassa’s voice was gentle despite her message as she reached over and patted the back of one of Eren’s clenched hands. 

 

“I know, I know. I can never hide anything from him,” Eren grumbled. Any lie he had ever told flashed before his eyes as he shuddered. 

 

“If you are that concerned, maybe you should reach out to a lawyer. I think someone at Armin’s firm does divorce law. Even if it’s just to get information, it might help,” Mikassa continued to stroke the back of Eren’s hand with her thumb, an outward display of affection that few were privy to beyond Eren and Armin. 

 

“Maybe,” Eren sighed, sinking back into the seat.

~~~ 

Eren began to withdraw after that. People he had previously shared with about his ongoing relationship issues began to hear from him less and less. Mikassa, with whom he texted constantly throughout the day found herself lucky to speak to him once every few days.

 

He felt as though he had to compartmentalize and re-evaluate what was happening. Fears began to swirl within his thoughts, overtaking most of his brain power to the point that it even began to impact his work. Eren found himself jolted back into the present during a staff meeting in which he was being called on to discuss his current case. 

 

“Ah, thank you. I’ve been working with this client for several months. She’s been physically abused in the past, mostly sexual assaults at the hands of those close to her ending about three years ago. Right now, we are working on her current relationship. We have a safety plan in place and she has downloaded the new panic button app we discussed last week. It will contact her circle as soon as she activates it and send them her location if he does anything. I’ve discussed domestic violence support groups but we are still struggling to arrange transportation that will be inconspicuous to her partner. I refuse to put her in more danger than she is currently in.” 

 

Eren’s colleagues all nodded in support, Eren closed the client’s chart, resting it on the table as he tuned out the rest of the cases being discussed. His thoughts drifted back to his own relationship, kicking himself for thinking his relationship was anything close to bad when compared with his clients. When the meeting was over, he packed up his things and headed into another round of sessions, each on more emotionally draining that the last. Yet, each on steeled his resolve. _I’m not in an abusive relationship, this is what real abuse looks like. Like bruises and blood and pain._

 

“And tears and hurt,” his mind added unhelpfully. He stared down at the ‘Power and Control’ diagram he had just finished discussing with his client, ‘Emotional Abuse’ highlighted and circled by his last client as she had detailed the feelings of humiliation, the mind games, the manipulation and disregard for her feelings, the isolation from her friends and the constant accusations she had received from her partner. Eren shook his head as if to break himself from his own downward spiral, packing up his things and heading home. 

 

The next morning, Eren found himself curled on the couch in the living room, looking for what must have been the fifth time that morning at Armin’s number in his phone. He hadn’t spoken to his best friend in a few weeks, the sprightly blond attempting to give him his space despite the overwhelming desire to support his friend. Eren’s thumb hovered over the call button, debating if things had truly gotten bad enough to ask for information about divorce proceedings. 

 

He and Jean had had another fight the previous evening. Jean had asked to see his phone, going through it with a fine-tooth comb and seeing that Eren had texted Mikassa about their latest struggles. Jean had exploded, frustration, anger, and betrayal flowing out of him as he informed Eren that he could no longer speak to anyone outside of their relationship about issues within the relationship. Eren had stayed as calm as possible despite his internal seething. He had started to learn that reacting on instinct would only bring about Jean’s anger faster. 

 

Once again, Eren’s finger pressed the button to lock his phone, tucking it away in his pocket as if removing it from his sight would also remove the temptation to reach out. Eren fidgeted on the couch, knowing he would hear Jean’s alarm go off at any minute and he would be forced to face another day of the awkward dance around difficult topics the couple had fallen into. 

 

_I’m a fraud if I can’t make things work. Eren thought to himself. I’ve invested too much time and effort into this relationship to give up now._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for your continued support. Your comments and kudos mean so much to this fledgling writer.


	5. Out in the Cold

Despite his best efforts, Eren knew his relationship with Jean had taken a turn for the worse when he no longer felt comfortable being naked in front of his husband. It had started off as avoiding sex by offering to take care of Jean and leaving his own pleasure to himself. Not only did this help Eren avoid the disappointment of their unsuccessful sexual encounters, but he felt more secure if he could remain at least partially clothed. This habit then progressed to Eren remaining entirely clothed during these activities unless Jean explicitly asked for removal of certain items. 

Eren realized with a start that he no longer even walked through the house naked, electing to always have a towel completely obscuring him from chest to knees, or ensuring he always wore a t-shirt to bed. As Eren thought back to how he used to traipse around the house shirtless, or in only his boxers, reveling in the way Jean would stare with his eyes glazing over or reach out to palm at sun-kissed skin, Eren realized it had been over a year since he had done so, even longer since he had enjoyed such affections from his partner. 

Eren worried his bottom lip between his teeth, nearly chewing it raw as he tried to process the war in his mind. He had been internally begging, pleading even, for Jean to provide him with physical affection, had voiced these desires to Jean on numerous occasions, and yet, had unconsciously ensured that he no longer displayed his body for Jean, nor responded approvingly when affection was offered.

Eren’s hands came up to scrub at his face as he stared blankly at the wall. When did things get so bad, he wondered. He nodded his head to himself slowly as he recounted the ways in which Jean would react when Eren had allowed himself to be on display, roughly grabbing at his ass, kneading his hands into the flesh oblivious to any discomfort Eren might voice with the roughness, biting at nipples for his own enjoyment without consideration for what Eren might enjoy. 

Something twisted in Eren’s gut. He felt like a toy in Jean’s hands, and devoid of the excitement that prospect might usually bring. Jean had never had the goal of truly seeking Eren’s pleasure. On the few occasions in the last year Eren had convinced himself to allow Jean to pleasure him, Jean’s motivation had been to get Eren to orgasm, no build up, just a straight shot to an unfulfilling finish line. Eren had tried to teach Jean how to provide him pleasure, how to tease, caress, even what to say on one occasion, but Jean always reverted back to jackhammering into Eren’s ass with his fingers and gripping at his cock like it was his goal to rub it raw. 

When Jean had finally realized Eren was shutting him out, they had had one of their “conversations.” It took over an hour of Jean attempting to convince Eren that it was important to him to take care of his husband and that he wanted to provide Eren with pleasure, that he just needed some help with how. Eren had sighed internally and once again attempted to explain to Jean that it was at the point of awkwardness. Eren explained how difficult it was for him to relax, decompress, and allow himself to enjoy Jean’s touch.

~~~

“Er! Er!” Jean’s shouts stirred him from a dead sleep at two thirty in the morning. Eren gasped as he shot up in bed.

“What? What happened?” His mind raced through the myriad of things that Jean could have roused him for. Were the cats ok? Did something happen to a family member? Despite his grogginess, his panic sent shudders of wakefulness through him as he swung his long legs over the side of the bed, ready to jump into action as soon as he found out what was happening. 

“I called you like 13 times. Why didn’t you pick up?” Jean shouted, his arms flailing as he gestured to the cell phone resting on Eren’s chest. He had fallen asleep while reading again, but luckily had remembered to plug the phone in before settling down. 

“Hmm? Oh, it’s on silent,” at the lack of immediate explanation, Eren began to calm, slumping forward as sleep tried to take him again. His head shot up when he realized and he rubbed at his eyes, trying to shake the sleepiness from them and bring himself into the present. Jean was no longer flailing, and since he was grousing at Eren about not answering his phone, Eren assumed whatever he had been woken for was something not time sensitive. 

“Your car is stuck in front of the deli,” he stated, far more casually than Eren would have hoped for such a situation. The consequences of Jean’s statement ran through his head. _How am I going to get to work? I’ve been asleep for 2 hours and now I have to go fix this shit and then try to get enough sleep before work in the morning. What the hell was he even doing at the deli at 2:30 in the morning and why the hell did he have to take my car?_

“What the hell happened?” Eren groaned his voice still rough from so little sleep as he rose from the bed and threw on a pair of old sweatpants and a t-shirt.

“I don’t know, I went to get wings and when I came out, the car wouldn’t start. I think the battery is dead. I had to take an uber back. There goes $12,” Jean was pacing now, looking nothing like the strong, confident, strategic man he convinced the world he was. This was the version of himself Jean allowed Eren to see behind closed doors. He disintegrated into something helpless, dependent, and clueless when he knew Eren was there to pick up the pieces. 

Eren’s mouth turned down into a scowl and then a sneer as the puzzle pieces fell into place. Eren growled, too quietly for Jean to hear but no less filled with his frustration for being woken in the wee hours of the morning out of a half decent sleep, a rarity for him, because his husband couldn’t figure out how to jump his car, call a tow truck, or otherwise problem solve without his direction.

Eren’s hands came up to scrub at his face, a last ditch effort to wake himself, trying desperately to figure out why Jean always relied on him to fix any problem they came across. 

As Eren continued to dress, layering himself in decently warm clothing to brave the below freezing temperatures he acknowledged that his disgust at Jean’s helplessness was an overreaction. Eren closed his eyes for a brief moment, recognizing the frustration was a result of being so tired of always taking care of him. Jean was so confident in front of everyone else, willing to take on responsibilities, ensure everyone felt welcomed and cared for. Eren always felt he was exempt from that façade. With Eren, Jean was open, bare and vulnerable. Eren recognized that he should be thankful for Jean’s trust, reciprocate it in kind by caring for him. A pang of remorse stung Eren’s chest, feelings of selfishness welling inside at his inability to care for the man who had stood by his side for 10 years. 

“Are you coming?” The shout from the living room pushed the final bit of sleepiness from his mind and Eren trudged towards the front door. 

“Yeah, let’s get this over with.”

~~~~

Eren’s teeth chattered as his hands shook from the cold. It had been over an hour, standing in below freezing temperatures, hooking and rehooking the jump cables in an attempt to start his car. Jean was relaxing in the warmth of his own car as Eren continued pawing at his phone screen in a restless attempt to understand what was wrong. Jean’s window rolled down and Eren saw his cheeks flushed with warmth in contrast to his own which were flushed with the bitter cold of the wind.

“How’s it going?” Jean shouted over the blasting of the heat and the blaring of the radio. 

“Not well,” Eren sighed, slumping against the side of the car as he checked the time, noting that he had to be awake for work in three hours. “I think we have to give up for the night. The battery isn’t holding the charge enough for even the jump to take. I’ll have to come by and fix it after work tomorrow,” Eren locked the car, resigning himself to driving Jean’s car the next morning, and slowly made his way on frozen limbs back to the warmth of their one working vehicle.

The drive back to the house was silent as Eren hunched over his phone screen searching for any thread of information to assist him. As soon as they entered the house, Eren dropped into the recliner, still hunched over as he read an article about someone’s Prius with similar symptoms to his own, fearful that it was more than just a battery issue due to the car’s age and petrified that the hybrid system was fried. Jean hovered by his shoulder softly apologizing and encouraging him to go to bed so he wouldn’t be too out of it in the morning. 

“Honestly,” Jean called from the kitchen as he pulled his reheated wings from the oven and padded back into the living room, “I hate to say it but maybe this is something you should take the day off for and figure it out.”

As Eren’s tired eyes dragged up his face to meet his, Eren grunted at the crooked smile plastered on Jean’s lips. Eren sighed at his comment, knowing full well that Jean would love nothing more than for him to stay home another day, always suggesting Eren take a day off, making up excuses as to why it was so important, guilting Eren with comments about how they never had time together. Eren shook his head, knowing he had clients who needed him the next day that he couldn’t reschedule. 

“Is this something you could try to help with since you are home tomorrow?” Eren pled, eyes lifting from his phone for a moment before seeing the disinterested expression on Jean’s face while the man shook his head. 

Eren sighed in resignation and finished the article he was reading, deciding that it was indeed a new 12 volt battery that could fix the issue, and trudged his way back to the bedroom, hoping to catch a few more hours of sleep.

~~~~

The next evening found Eren crawling through the back of his car following the instructions on his phone as he shuffled around items, undid panels, and unlatched the electronic mechanism locking the hatch in place. Eren slumped forward, resting his head against the side of the car, and swiped a gloved hand across his brow. He was sweating despite the freezing temperatures, frustrated at the last hour of work on the car that had seen no results.

Eren sulked but remained stubborn, refusing to call in help and forcing himself to learn any new skill necessary to do what needed to be done. He texted Mikassa, filling her in on what had happened the previous night and his current predicament. He shivered and sucked in a deep, albeit frigid, breath as he tried to calm the frustration welling within him. 

Work had been trying, not for the clients or issues he had faced while there, but for having to remain in his winter outerwear all day because the heat had gone out. He had made hot coffee and hot chocolate for his clients but had been so busy insuring their comfort he had forgotten about ensuring his own. Now, he found himself gravitating towards the store his car had been parked beside, if only to soak up a little warmth before braving the wind chill once more. 

His phone vibrated in his pocket and he fumbled with numb fingers to unlock it. His back leaning against the cold car as he took a moment to calm down. 

**19:52 Mika:** How mews it?  
 **19:54 Jeager :** I've Been working on it since 645 and can't get the damn positive cable off  
 **19:55 Mika:** Oh shit. Is it working at least?   
**19:56 Jeager:** No, can't get battery out to change it   
**19:57 Mika:** Can you have it towed to pep boys and have them work on it tomorrow?   
**19:58 Jeager :** Too Expensive 

Eren turned back to the battery, shifting through his tools to find something to help loosen the bolt. Settling on another wrench as he began prying at the piece of metal, less concerned that he should be regarding the electrocution hazard his actions posed. The crowd from the deli poured past him as he continued to work, trying desperately to ignore the odd stare and murmured comments about how long he had been outside. 

Eren huffed in frustration, noting that for all their commentary, not one person stopped to offer help, not that he would have accepted it, but it would have been a welcome thought that someone acknowledged his struggle. After another few minutes of struggling with no new results, Eren pulled out his phone to further research the issue, seeing another message from Mikassa. 

**20:02 Mika:** So what's the back up? Get a new battery?   
**20:02 Jeager:** I have the new battery with me   
**20:03 Mika:** Kk. You still outside the deli?   
**20:04 Jeager :** Yeah   
**20:05 Mika:** Cause I love you and feel bad you're or in the cold I'm going to make you some English breakfast tea and bring it to you, I just need to know if you want sugar and how much?   
**20:07 Jeager:** Staaahp it's fine   
**20:08 Mika:** Too late I'm boiling water and you know you can't unboil water!   
**20:08 Jeager :** Lol  
 **20:08 Jeager :** I guess a bit of sugar and if you could bring a flat head screwdriver   
**20:09 Mika:** That’s my boy! 

Eren smiled, a warmth spreading within him at the kindness of his sister. If there was one person he could always rely on to support him it was her. He, Armin and Mikassa had been together since childhood, and despite their demanding careers, tried to make as much time as possible to see one another. Mikassa and Eren only lived a few minutes from one another which made spending weekend mornings together before Jean woke up easy to do. Armin on the other hand, was always busy flitting from case to case at the law firm and often had to cancel plans they made if the firm received a new case. 

When Mikassa arrived, a far too seldom seen smile spread across Eren’s face, his eyes shining with the light from the deli and his cheeks pink with the bite of the wind. 

“Hey,” he shouted as he waves his gloved hands around to catch her attention. She barreled towards him, careful of the tea in her hands but no less enthusiastic. Once she closed the distance between them and closed her arms around her brother in a tight hug, Mikassa noticed the chill seeping from his skin. 

“You are a popsicle…Why are you a popsicle?” Mikassa grimaced, her tone flat with incredulity. 

Eren giggled, too happy to have some company after an hour of loneliness and frustration to pay her grousing any mind. “Umm, because it’s below freezing and I’ve been standing outside trying to get this damn cable off?” He stated questioningly, his right eyebrow lifting at what he thought would have been obvious. 

Mikassa thrust a large cup of tea towards Eren, her features softening as he wrapped his cold fingers around it, absorbing the warmth. “You are always so much warmer than everyone else though, I guess I never really thought you could get cold,” she shrugged and moved towards the car, sifting through the disaster of a mess Eren had made in the back while he muttered something about still being a human being and the wind being a nasty mistress.

After several long sips of the warm liquid, Eren felt his resolve returning. With Mikassa’s support, their constant banter, cut only with bouts of giggles from Eren here and there, the duo had finally gotten the final cable removed, the battery replaced, and the car started once again. After a final hug to his sister, and whispered words of thanks for all of her support, Eren made his way back home. 

Jean’s face lit up when Eren trudged through the door, springing out of his chair and inquiring about what Eren wanted for dinner. Eren sighed at the expected lack of inquiring into his wellbeing, not having the strength to confront Jean on his lack of offering to help Eren with any of the repairs. After a decision on dinner was made, and Jean was dressed, the couple made their way back out into the cold for take-out from their favorite sushi restaurant. 

Eren shivered as they returned home, beginning to undress to prepare for a hot shower to hopefully return feeling to his extremities as Jean swept by him, heading towards the bathroom. Eren blinked, slightly dazed by the flurry of motion that passed him, sluggish from the cold and lack of food. When he registered where Jean was heading, he trudged towards the bathroom and, hearing the shower on and Jean’s movements within, he continued on to their bedroom, wrapping himself in a thick robe as he waited. 

“Oh, did you want to shower too?” Jean asked as he emerged ten minutes later. Eren raised his head to meet his husbands gaze. 

“Yeah, I’m still frozen and was hoping it would help warm me up,” Eren moved towards the bathroom, hanging the robe on the hook within as the leftover steam from Jean’s own shower helped release the tension in his muscles. 

“Oh, yeah. I was cold too. Just running in and out of the restaurant was awful,” Jean turned on his heel and made his way towards the living room, leaving Eren to wonder if he had heard correctly. Eren moved further into the bathroom, closing the door with a click as he turned reveled in the warm rush of water over his body. His thoughts swirled like the steam around him as he wondered if Jean truly understood what his actions portrayed. _Does he not realize I was outside for the last two hours? Did he not think I would need to warm up just as much if not more than he did?_ Eren closed his eyes, warmth finally seeping deep enough to thaw his bones. 

With a sharp intake of breath, Eren held back the tears threatening to overflow and leaned against the tile, warmed from the steam as he slid down to sit with the water rushing down on his head. He stayed that way for some time, a blank expression on his face, unfazed by the constant stream of water bearing down on him. Only one thought persisted in his mind: _what comes next?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for your continued support! If you have any questions or additional feedback, please don't hesitate to contact me through my [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/eveningstargazer)


	6. The Call

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for the incredible support. This chapter was a hard one to get out and I even had to take a break to write some smut in a different AU to get through it, but your comments and thoughts helped push me. Thank you!

“Mika, I just don’t understand what’s wrong. Maybe I’m going crazy, or being petty. He was so good yesterday,” The brunette sighed heavily, unshed tears welling in the corners of his eyes. His jaw clenched as his fingers wound their way into his hair and tugged lightly as he tried to ground himself. 

“You aren’t being petty, Eren. I can’t imagine how hard it is, you are being so strong, but this is just part of the game for him. He’s only being kind and sweet because it will get you to stay. Once you’re back in his claws, he’ll revert right back to where you started,” Mikassa’s hand was laid softly against her brother’s back, drawing soothing circles as she watched his face twist in confusion, frustration, anger, and disbelief.

“I just care about him so much. I know I do because if I didn’t I’d have signed divorce papers months ago. His manipulation and the fact that I care about him are the only things holding me in place, but after such a good day yesterday, it’s hard to even say that it’s all manipulation and deceit. It’s difficult to put any blame or burden on him when things are going well,” He shook his head frantically, as if trying to shake the offending thoughts away. 

Mikassa’s quiet voice filtered through his desperation, slowly pulling him out of the spiral as she so often did, “But what was so good about yesterday?”

The question gave Eren pause. She had asked it so many times in situations like this and he could never come up with a satisfactory answer, “We didn’t fight all day. We went to the mall and walked around and I didn’t feel pressured for time. He tried to suggest some clothes for me to try on and when I turned them down for various reasons he only said I was picky but didn’t push me to buy them or even try them on like he usually does.”

“Ok, so what I’m hearing is he treated you like a partner should be treated. Is that correct?” Mikassa tried to keep her voice even and absent of any distain for her brother’s partner, her face carefully schooled into one of neutrality to allow him to formulate his own conclusions.

“Yeah, it was great. If we had more days like that I’d be way more motivated to work things out,” Eren’s eyes shown with determination and he made a nod of agreement with himself followed by a little grimace. 

“What’s that about?” Mikassa asked, waving her finger in Eren’s general direction. Eren scowled as his sister picked up on his grimace and grumbled about how obvious his emotions always were.

“I just think the only reason he was nice is because we have fought every day since he got back from his business trip. We were talking at lunch yesterday and he said ‘You make me so happy’ and I just shrugged. He whispered ‘this is when you say I make you happy too.’ In order to avoid lying, because we both know that isn’t true, I said I was too caught up in thinking I don’t make him happy to respond. It tipped off a conversation where I basically told him I felt that way because he is always yelling at me, we always get into fights, and I always do something wrong,” Eren scrubbed his face with his hands as he stood up from the bench they had been sitting on and paced to relieve a bit of the anxiety bubbling up within him. 

“He started placating me immediately with ‘I don’t want you to feel that way’ and ‘You do make me so happy; you are my soulmate.’ He said so many things to try to make me feel better but in the back of my mind, I kept second guessing what was truth and what was desperation to make me feel better in the moment to save himself the trouble of dealing with my mood,” Eren’s pacing had slowed and he stood in front of his sister, his face contorted in a silent, desperate plea for clarity. 

“He asked me again that morning if I thought things were getting better, if he had been doing a good job. I told him I didn’t like when he asked that question out of the blue because I couldn’t get my thoughts together but he kept pushing for the conversation and listing off the things he thinks he’d done well. I didn’t want to give him false hope so I focused on the fact that we have had a significant fight every day since he returned. That conversation and the one at lunch make me question his motivation for being ‘good’ the rest of the day,” Eren finally sat down again next to Mikassa, her knee bumping against his in reassurance. 

“Eren, you’ve mentioned divorce a few times, but you say yourself that when things are going well you don’t want to move forward with it,” Mikassa resumed rubbing small circles on Eren’s back, her grey eyes meeting his shinning emerald ones that were brimming with tears of frustration.

“I’ve tried to tell him my bottom lines before. Things that if he does, I would have to leave like hurting the cats, or hitting me. I tried telling him that breaking the furniture while he was angry was on the list too but he said it couldn’t be because that didn’t make sense.” Eren hung his head, his shoulders slumping forward. 

“So, what you are telling me, is you had open communication about what were hard limits for you, and he refused to acknowledge one of them?” Mikassa grimaced, no longer able to hold back her distaste for Eren’s partner. 

“Yeah, I guess so. I’m just so tired and angry and sad and lonely. I don’t know if I can give anything more to this relationship without the expectation that things will improve. Yet, even so, I’ll feel guilty if I don’t try to make him happy, even if it costs me my own happiness.” 

Mikassa stood, her arms crossed in front of her chest as she sorted through her thoughts. She turned abruptly towards Eren, her eyes fixed on a point just above his lowered head. “I don’t know what else you can do Eren. You are so strong. I wouldn’t be able to put up with everything you do. I just want you to be safe.”

“I know Mika, I’m trying to figure it all out.”

~~~

“I’d like to talk to you about something.” Eren’s stomach felt as though it had dropped through the floor at Jean’s words. This was never good. He always felt like a reprimanded child when Jean would start a conversation like this, a learned response from so many “conversations” regarding unfounded accusations.

Eren had just walked into the house after work, placing the groceries away as he tried to remain neutral and not allow his anxiety to show through his thin façade. The slight tremble of his breath must have given him away as Jean’s gaze narrowed and met Eren’s own. Eren cursed internally at his propensity to always show his emotions, fearful of what might be coming. 

“I wasn’t going to tell you about this until I thought about it more, but it’s just too much for me to process,” Jean approached Eren, arms across his chest as he regarded his husband cautiously, as if expecting Eren to dart away like a frightened deer. Eren gulped, not audibly but prominent enough for Jean to flicker his gaze to Eren’s Adam’s apple as it bobbed, then back to stare at a spot between his eyebrows. 

“I know what you an Mikassa talked about while I was gone, when you were hanging out together at the house. I know you took an extra day off while I was gone too.” Jean stood a little straighter, as though proud of his discoveries and asserting whatever conclusions were implied in these statements. Eren cocked his head in confusion, trying to understand both how Jean had known these things and why they were being told to him in the form of an accusation.

“Um,” Eren began, one chestnut eyebrow raised in contemplation, “if you are talking about the Monday, it was a holiday, so I had off. I didn’t actually take off.” Eren’s brows knit together in confusion, “But what do you mean about what Mikassa and I were talking about. I don’t understand.”

Jean looked at Eren pointedly, “I installed a camera just before I left on the trip, so I know everything you two talked about. I know you are still thinking about divorce. I know you have told her every little thing about our relationship. I know you even told her about our _sex life_.” Jean hissed the last two words as if he was spitting out poison. 

“How could you air our dirty laundry like that? We are supposed to protect one another, support one another. How could you tell _her_ that I can’t ‘perform’ or that I can’t pleasure you anymore. Eren, you told her _everything_. How could you?” Jean slapped his hand against the counter, causing Eren to nearly jump out of his skin. 

“Wait… y-you installed a camera? In the living room? You spied on me while you were gone?” Eren looked at Jean, jaw slack, dumbfounded by this new realization and barely registering the last part of Jean’s rant.

“Yeah, of course I did. You were talking about divorce. I had to know what you were thinking. I also still thought something was going on between you and Mikassa. I wanted to be sure. I also tracked your location history for your phone. That’s how I know you weren’t at work on Monday. We talked that day. Why didn’t you mention to me you were off?”

“Jean, you realize everything you just said is wrong right? You violated my privacy, and Mika’s privacy, on so many levels. Why would you think that’s ok?” Eren stepped closer, trying to comprehend what was happening, how Jean had gone to such a place of distrust that he would install camera’s without Eren’s knowledge. 

“It wasn’t wrong, it’s my house. I can install camera’s if I want. And with the location thing, you told me I could access your email when I need to, so I did, and went to your timeline. So, I didn’t violate anyone’s privacy,” Jean’s voice was steady, so convinced that he was in the right that he didn’t feel it necessary to provide any additional explanation, quickly dismissing Eren’s concerns. 

His eyes narrowed on Eren once more who was looking towards the floor, the fire gone from his eyes and sorrow etched in his features. He didn’t know whether to yell in anger or laugh at the utter ridiculousness of Jean’s statement. Regardless, he settled on fiddling with the edge of his shirt, looking lost and exuding every ounce of the confusion he felt within him.

Jean sighed, voice remaining stern, “But don’t change the subject, Eren. I can’t trust you anymore, you’ve proven that much. Sure, you didn’t _do_ anything with Mikassa, so I can put that concern aside, but you may as well have stabbed me in the heart by telling her everything you did. I don’t know if I can get past that to trust you again.”

“Jean, I don’t know if I can do this anymore,” Eren’s voice was quiet, his head still lowered and gaze barely rising above the level of Jean’s knee. 

“What you did was wrong, Jean. I’ve done nothing to deserve that kind of scrutiny, nothing to warrant that level of distrust. How can I ever think about regaining your trust if I did nothing to lose it in the first place? Your paranoia has gotten the better of you and for all your attempts at pulling me closer, tightening the leash, all you are doing is driving me away,” Eren dropped his gaze to the floor again, frustrated with the lack of conviction with which the words had left his mouth but resolved to back them up with action if necessary. 

“No, Eren. Please don’t say that,” Jean rushed to Eren, arms outstretched and seeking the comfort of Eren’s embrace. Eren obliged, like he always did, but pulled away to look at Jean, “I need some time to think, Jean. I’m gonna go into the bedroom and read.” Eren untangled himself from Jean’s clinging grasp, heading towards the bedroom before he was stopped by a frustrated growl from Jean. 

“No, we will talk about this right now, Eren. You can’t just leave me hanging like this. I’ll never get to sleep, and I’ll just end up waking you up at 3am and I know you hate that, “Jean stomped his foot like a petulant child as Eren turned to face him, resigning himself to another long conversation with Jean about their difficulties.

“Why can’t I just go and process what you told me? Why can’t you ever give me the space I need to think. You just admitted to spying on me, in my own home. You say this is your home and you have the right to put up cameras, but isn’t it my home too? Don’t I have the right to privacy here?” Eren raised his voice, attempting to stand up for himself, quickly catching his spiraling thoughts, reigning in his emotions once more.

Jean huffed in response, “Well it’s only fair. You violated my privacy as well by telling Mikassa everything. Even things that weren’t necessary. I can understand the need to vent to your friend about things that bother you, but what you did crossed boundaries. How can I even look at Mikassa ever again if I see her? Who knows what she’s told other people?” Jean said, his voice pitching with fear, paranoia, and a slight edge of panic.

The argument continued to spiral, swirling with the same comments thrown back and forth. The cycle continued, minutes turning to hours until the two were exhausted. Jean sighed, “Look, maybe I went a little too far with the cameras, okay? But when everything is said and done, I found you betraying me and that hurt. We’ll work through it. For now, why don’t you go to bed? We can talk more later.”

Eren shuddered at the words… _we’ll work through it… we can talk more later_. Eren felt the exhaustion, bone deep, but spreading through his mind as well. He was tired, tired of the talks, tired of the accusations, tired of feeling guilted and ashamed at every action or defense Jean threw back in his face. He was done talking. He was done listening. He was _done_ , “Fine. I’m going to bed then.”

It was in the wee hours of the morning, with only a few hours left until he needed to be up for work that Eren found himself dropping onto the bed. As he lay there, wrapped in the warm comforter, he imagined strong, pale arms wrapped around him, a warm breath on the back of his neck, and a tender voice he only heard in his fantasies whispering, “It’s ok Eren. I’ve got you. Let me take care of you,” as he let exhaustion consume him.

~~~

“Hey, Armin,” Eren said, his grip on the cell phone pressed to his ear tightening as he struggled to get out the greeting. It had only been a few weeks since they had spoken so Eren knew Armin was somewhat up to date on his situation.

“Hey, Eren. Are you ok? Have you been crying?” Armin’s voice pitched in concern as he tried to maintain the warm tone that had always helped sooth Eren in his childhood, through rage and anger alike.

“Y-Yeah I’m ok. Just, um, some stuff has been happening, and um… Armin, does your law firm have any divorce attorneys?” Eren let out a muffled sob as he pushed the request from his lips, his fingers twisting in the fabric of his shorts as he sat on the guest bed in Mikassa’s house, “I um, I think I need to talk to one.”

“Oh, Eren. I’m sorry, I knew things weren’t going well but I didn’t realize it was like that,” Armin maintained his calm tone despite the clenching in his heart at his friend’s request, “One of the lawyers, Erwin, he handles most of our divorce cases. I can help answer most of your questions right now if you have time.”

Eren heard the rustling of papers as Armin settled into a more comfortable position for the coming conversation. Eren mustered up a small smile at his friend’s willingness to drop everything and help him; it was such a divergence from his day to day that he felt momentarily overcome by the gratitude he had for his two closest friends. Eren cleared his throat, trying desperately to reign in the storm of emotion building within him, “Yeah, I’m at Mika’s right now. I can talk.”

“Well, let me ask you this then,” Armin paused, waiting for the small sound of assent he received as Eren prepared for the question, “If somehow, the universe or whatever higher power you want to go with, gave you permission to go through with the divorce, how would that change things?”

Eren paused, sinking into the feelings swirling within him and trying to assign words to them as coherently as possible, “That would certainly be a huge relief. I think I would take that as an assurance that he would be ok. That he could be happy. I think I may actually feel excited to move forward.” Eren paused, noticing that despite the firmness in his voice, there were tears trailing down his cheeks, “I am scared and worried and ashamed. I feel like a failure. I need reassurance that I’m not blowing this out of proportion. I want confirmation that it’s not all in my head and that I’m perceiving everything correctly.”

Armin hummed in acknowledgement, not voicing a response just yet in order to leave Eren room to continue, knowing his friend often had to get everything out in one long go before he came to his conclusion.

“I also recognize,” Eren continued, “that this ‘permission’ would take the feelings of responsibility and obligation away from me. Right now, I feel obligated to stay for no other reason that I’m ‘supposed to’ and I feel trapped by that nagging little hope that we can make this work.” Eren sighed, finished with his pseudo-rant but feeling empty after pouring out so much emotion. He rubbed the back of his neck out of nervous habit, anxious for his friend’s response but aware of the relief he felt for having released those words. 

Armin hummed once again to acknowledge Eren’s thoughts, processing what his best friend had said coupled with the knowledge of Eren’s relationship and the many struggles he and Jean had faced in the last few years. “Eren, it’s not my job as a member of the firm or as your friend to make this decision for you. However, I’ve known you a long time. You always jump head first into a decision. You are always confident even if it doesn’t work out, but I have never seen you waver this much. You are so twisted up in your head you can’t converge the two paths in your mind. What you just told me sounds an awful lot like a decision. If you agree, then I can give you Erwin’s contact info and set up an appointment for the two of you to meet,” Armin stated, ensuring that Eren felt the decision was entirely up to him and that he would be supported no matter the result. 

Eren heaved a labored breath, the tears all but dry by now, “Yeah, Armin, let’s do that. Thanks.”

After their extended goodbyes, Eren hung up, staring at the new calendar entry on his phone for his appointment with Erwin a few days in the future. His eyes began to brim with tears again as he thought back to the memories of comic conventions, vacations, and evenings on the couch throughout his relationship with Jean. His head hung down into his hands as his elbows rested on his knees as he sobbed in mourning. For his future, for himself, for Jean, he wasn’t sure, but a wave of sadness, loneliness, and desperation washed over him as he hit save on the appointment, stood, and made his way back out of the bedroom.


	7. Goodbye

“Damn it, did shitty glasses put the tea on the top shelf again!?!” Eren heard a frustrated voice mumble from the break room as he sat in the waiting room. 

 

“Glasses!!” The man shouted, before the floor shook as a familiar face rushed around the corner and skidded to a halt. 

 

“Eren?” Hanji asked, her head cocked to the side in question, “Is everything ok? I haven’t seen you in a few months. I know we ended with you taking some time to think on your own, but I was still worried about you.” 

 

“Thanks Hanji,” Eren said, standing to shake his former therapist’s hand in greeting. Eren rubbed a hand against the back of his neck, his nervousness for the approaching meeting dancing across his face, “I did take some time to think. I’m here to see Erwin.” 

 

Hanji’s face fell, but quickly turned to a soft smile as she pat him on the shoulder, “I’m proud of you honey. If you need me, you know my office is right downstairs.” 

 

Eren smiled, despite the anxiety building in his stomach, “Yeah, small world, right?” Eren chuckled, eyes sweeping over the office space, hoping to land on a familiar blonde bob who would offer some reassurance that this was the right place for him to be. He wrung his hands in front of him, mind wandering to whether or not Jean might be tracking his location via means other than his phone and would see that he wasn't at work, having taken the day off to coordinate what was about to happen. He was jarred back into the softly lit hallway by the chipper words of the erratic brunette in front of him. 

 

“Yeah, Erwin and that shrimp you heard yelling for me a minute ago, who's one of the other lawyers up here, are good friends from back in graduate school. I was getting my masters while they were working on their law degree. You are in good hands kiddo,” Hanji shot Eren another bright grin before bouncing towards the break room. 

 

“Tch—about time you got here, get my god-damned tea from the top shelf and so help me if it makes it onto that shelf again—“ Eren chuckled as he heard Hanji whining about it not being her fault. “No, don’t defend yourself. I know it was you---and if I see it up there one more time, I’m never cooking for you again. You can starve for all I care.” 

 

Eren let out a rather uncouth snort at the banter between the two, knowing full well that Hanj's diet consisted mostly of junk food. He smiled, recognizing that this person must care about her a lot to cook for her. Eren smiled wistfully, happy to be distracted from the impending conversation for even just a few moments. 

 

After a few more minutes of waiting and listening to the bustling sounds of the law office, Eren found himself beginning to fidget. Before his anxiety could come back full force however, he heard a calm deep voice call for him, “Eren, thank you for waiting. Please, come in.” 

 

Although Eren was tall, Erwin Smith practically towered over him. Broad shouldered, incredibly handsome, with perfectly styled hair and well-tailored clothing, Erwin Smith commanded attention immediately. Eren stood abruptly and scurried to follow Erwin as he was ushered into the man’s office. 

 

Eren paused at the door, noting the soft colors in the room, the plush furniture and the simply yet elegant desk in the center. Eren let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding, taking in the calm décor and the scent of leather. Grounding himself in the safety of the room, he approached on of the plush chairs before the desk as Erwin took a seat behind it. 

 

“Thank you for meeting with me today, Eren,” Erwin began, steepling his fingers under his chin as he leaned forward on his desk, “Armin has briefly reviewed what is going on, but I don’t have any details. I’d like to hear from you what has been happening. 

 

Eren fidgeted in his chair and finally clenched his fists and pressed them against his thighs, “Well, as you know, I’m here to begin the process of divorcing my husband. It has been brought to my attention by both friends and professionals that my relationship can be seen as abusive. I work with assault victims as a counselor every day, so it was difficult for me to see the signs at first. I thought I could fix it, that what I was going through wasn’t abuse. I’ve seen real abuse. I’ve worked with men and women whose every move was controlled, who were beaten if they said the wrong thing, those who have survived rape and any number of other horrors. Who am I to say what I am experiencing, when I’m physically perfectly safe, is abuse?” Eren paused, catching his breath as he tried to calm himself from his rant. “Sorry, I get really emotional sometimes. I know it isn’t normal, it’s one of the issues Jean and I had,” Eren continued, attempting to provide an explanation for his outburst. 

 

Erwin hummed, having listened intently to the rising emotion from Eren and instantly picking up the shift in emotion following his explanation, “Eren, I’m not a therapist, but I’ve certainly handled enough divorces to consider myself a good read on a situation. Simply the fact that you immediately apologized for your behavior and the self-deprecating statement about your emotions clues me in to some of what has been happening to you.” Erwin sighed, not out of frustration or annoyance, regardless of how Eren stiffened with that interpretation, but rather out of concern for the man in front of him. “I shouldn’t have any issue moving forward with your case; in fact, it should be rather cut and dry. The only hold up might be how much Jean gets stuck on the details,” Erwin continued as he observed Eren’s fidgeting in response to his statements. 

 

“How—um, how long will the whole process take?” Eren asked, beginning to wring his hands as nerves bubbled up from within him. 

 

Erwin smiled softly, maintaining the calm voice that Eren seemed to find comfort in, “It could be done as quickly as a month if he cooperates, a few months if he gets stuck on menial things. Start to finish for the process would be a maximum of eight months, even if it’s a hard fight, which it won’t be.” 

 

Eren felt conflicted, both nervous and relieved that it could be over so quickly, that he could feel free in just a month or so. However, the nagging fear of Jean’s retaliation gripped his chest tightly, coupled with the despair he continued to feel for the loss of his relationship. 

 

Erwin watched the emotions flicker across the young man’s face, having watched the same emotions in so many of his other clients. He was surprised, however, by the faint glimmer of determination that finally shone in Eren’s eyes after the man seemed to finish processing the information, “Where do we begin?” 

 

“Why don’t you tell me what has happened?” Erwin asked, standing from his desk and moving to the chair next to Eren’s in front of his desk to create a more comfortable atmosphere for the oncoming conversation. 

 

“Well,” Eren began, leaning against the soft back of the chair, tilting his head to look at the simple motif on the ceiling, “Jean and I met back in college. We took a few classes together and would often see each other in the lounge at the dorms. We started talking and ended up playing video games together in the common room almost every night. It was a whirlwind. I had just gotten out of a previous bad relationship after three years and Jean swept me off my feet. I loved him so much, still do to a point. I hate making him upset but I don’t know if I’m _in love_ with him anymore. While he was motivated and responsible when we were going out, now it’s like he has regressed back to a child. He has no motivation, ambition, or desire to be anything more than exactly what he is.” 

 

Eren paused, gathering his thoughts and shifting into a more comfortable position, “Beyond that, it feels like there's an ocean between us. I can accept that he may not be an affectional person, but his other behaviors don’t make that acceptance any easier. I should have known from the beginning that this is what he is and I suppose I should be sorry for having dragged this on for so long, but I told him I didn’t know if I still wanted to be married anymore nearly six months ago and nothing has changed.” 

 

“I’ve spoken to him about needing more affection. I’m a very tactile person, but he has not made any efforts to change that. He is a great friend, but not my husband. I realized quite some time ago that my reasons for staying in the relationship we practical rather than emotional. I was, and still am, concerned about how we will divide our assets; I worry about him being ok once I am gone, if he would try to hurt himself or something. I’m scared he will try to make this experience so horrible that I will want to give up and give in,” Eren dropped his head into his hands, his elbows propped on his knees as he mustered up the energy to continue. Erwin hummed his acknowledgement, leaning forward to ensure Eren knew he was listening to everything the other man was saying and offering reassurances. 

 

“Then,” Eren continued, finding new resolve after a few calm breaths, “then the fear, guilt and shame set in. I was supposed to be the one with the ‘happily ever after.’ Will I be ok once everything is said and done? Will I be ok being alone? What will my family think? What if I never find someone and I never get to have a family?” Eren began to tremble just slightly as the emotions took hold once more, his fingers flexed into the fabric of his jeans as he grounded himself. 

 

Erwin passed him a glass of cool water as a gesture of comfort before he continued, “What saddens me the most is that the thought that _I can’t live without him_ has never really crossed my mind. When I think about divorce, my heart doesn’t clench and I don’t really get sad. When I think hard about what I’m feeling in the moment, it’s not sadness for the loss of the relationship, it’s concern for him, worries about making him sad or upsetting him. Everything I have done in the last 10 years has been for him. There is nothing of me left.” 

 

Eren raised his head from where it hung; meeting Erwin’s concentrated but gentle gaze. Eren relaxed, sensing no judgement or oncoming outburst from the other man. “You have been through a great deal Eren,” Erwin began, “and it appears you have done your due diligence to try to make things work, but received nothing in return.” Eren nodded in response rubbing a hand absentmindedly over his heart, trying to soothe the ach that was taking up residence in his chest. 

 

“Based on what you have told me, and some of the documents you had Armin forward to me, I believe we can settle this case in a way that both leaves you in a comfortable financial situation while preventing Jean from being ‘screwed over’ as they say. I recognize that you still care very much for this man, you’ve given a significant portion of your life to him, and as such do not want to cause unnecessary harm to him beyond the act of ending the relationship. I will do my best to respect that and ensure this situation comes to as fair a conclusion as possible,” Erwin moved back behind his desk to retrieve a folder full of legal documentation. “This is the contractual retainer. Five thousand dollars is due up front. I bill hourly and will deduct from that retainer. I do not foresee needing the total amount so the balance will be returned to you on culmination of the case. “Eren nodded, doing quick calculations in his head to ensure he could obtain the funds, knowing full well his friends would assist as necessary but hoping to avoid the need. 

 

“Finally,” Erwin continued, prompting Eren to refocus on their conversation, “This is a letter of intent.” Erwin produced a document on the law office’s letterhead and skimmed it quickly, waiting patiently for Erwin’s explanation. “It states that we have been contacted by you with the intent to initiate divorce proceedings. Jean will have ten days to respond to this letter and begin the process. If he does not respond within that time frame, another letter will be sent. If he once again does not respond within ten days, we will file with the courts on your behalf.” 

 

Eren tilted his head to the side in confusion, “So if he ignores these letters, everything just proceeds regardless? There isn’t any way he can stall forever?” 

 

“Correct,” Erwin confirmed, “Once we have obtained an index number from the court, Jean will be issued a summons, the case will be assigned to a judge and the request for a pre-conference will be filed. Jean must attend or send an attorney or face legal action. If the pre-conference goes well and he is cooperative, we could settle within a month.” 

 

“But can’t he hide accounts and things? He applied for loans in my name without my knowledge since he knows my social security number and everything, what stops him from screwing me over that way?” Eren expressed, concern marring his features once more. 

 

“There is a discovery process whereby his attorney and I will meet. We are both legally bound to honestly present all assets and other information as requested in order to proceed in the most open and fair way possible. You won’t need to interact with him at all in this process if you don’t want to. All conversations can go through me and I will then communicate with whomever I need to.” 

 

Eren visibly relaxed again, only to shoot up straight in his seat when realization hit him, "I—I have to be out of there before he gets that letter!" Eren stood up abruptly, pulling at his hair and pacing across the office as Erwin crossed his legs and leaned back in the comfortable chair, eyes trained on the young man before him. 

 

"I understand your concerns, Eren, and can't help but agree. There is nothing that prevents you from physically separating from your husband prior to the legal separation. He cannot use it against you to lay claim to the home or anything such as that," Erwin reassured the brunette, trying to calm the other man's nerves. 

 

"I...I have to go talk to Mikassa and Armin. I'm going to have to figure this all out," Eren sighed, his frantic voice reduced to a whisper as he continued to mutter to himself about planning and sneaking out. 

 

"Ok, Eren," Erwin drew the other man's attention again, refocusing him on their discussion, "It sounds like you just need to plan a few things before we send out the letter. I don't want to wait too long because of some of the other concerns you have expressed so I will mail out the letter first thing on Monday. Since it is Thursday, that should give you the weekend to make arrangements. How does that sound?" 

 

Eren returned to the chair beside Erwin and hung his head in his hands, taking a deep breath in before letting it all out to sooth the rampage of emotions within him, "Ok, thank you Erwin. I'll sign the documents now and coordinate the retainer funds." 

 

Once the documents were finalized, Eren made his way back out into the waiting area, seeing Armin heading down the hallway. "Armin," Eren called, "I'm heading to Mikassa's. Thanks for setting this up. We are moving forward but I have to figure out how to get out of the house before the letter of intent is signed." 

 

"I'll meet you at her place in about an hour. I'm just finishing typing up these case notes and then can head out for a half day," Armin said, tapping the stack of handwritten notes in his hands and giving Eren a soft and reassuring smile. 

 

Eren nodded in acknowledgement, shifting nervously, then turning on his heel and heading back out to the parking lot. By the time he arrived at Mikassa's apartment he had worked himself back into a frenzy, his scalp aching from tugging at his hair in an attempt to ground himself. 

 

After a few hours of talking and planning and many cups of tea to calm his nerves, Eren felt confident in the plan he and his friends had outlined. Confidence in the plan, however, did nothing to calm the anxiety stirring in his gut at the potential conflicts he would have to face in the next few days. 

 

Eren internally berated himself. Never had he looked upon conflict with such apprehension; exhausted before the confrontation even began. Frustrated at his self-perceived weakness and angry at the way he had allowed Jean to strip away his fighting spirit over the past few years, Eren resolved to regain those lost pieces of himself. He said his goodbyes to his friends, preparing to return home as if he had been at work all day, a detailed plan of escape running through his head as he drove the few miles home.

~~~

Very early Saturday morning, several cars appeared before Eren's home. The street was still quiet, the passengers of the cars mindful of the sound of their doors closing, loath to disturb the stillness of the neighborhood still blanketed in a light covering of fog. Eren met them outside, briefly reiterating the plan and ensuring everyone knew of the safety protocols should something go wrong.

 

Mikassa handed Eren his tea, rubbing small circles in his back in comfort when she noticed the slight trembling of his hands. " We are here for you Eren," she stated reassuringly, "Reiner and I will make sure Jean doesn't lay a hand on you, and Armin is here with the plans. He will be coordinating everything. You know you can trust him to have thought everything through." 

 

Eren nodded, taking a deep breath as the others watched the fire flicker to life behind his eyes. While he might not be free in the eyes of the law just yet, as of tonight he would not be a prisoner in his own home. The last few days had been hectic, arranging for a living area in a long-term hotel, setting up a P.O. box, and purchasing a storage unit had drained him of almost any energy he had, yet on top of that, he still had to ensure he followed his usual patterns at home with Jean while simultaneously shifting important items around for easy packing with the time came. 

 

"Ok," Eren began, his shoulders back, and eyes alight with determination, "This isn't going to continue any longer. I just have to get through today, and then I'll be able to move forward with my life. There'll be hurdles, for sure, but nothing I can't get through if I can get through today." With that Eren quietly let everyone into the home, for once thankful that Jean slept like the dead until afternoon and they began quietly packing up the designated items. 

 

Mikassa immediately focused on the three cats, a duty assigned to her by Armin, and quickly collected them and their accessories, taking each out to the car and driving them straight to Eren's temporary living space so that she could get them settled there and then return before Jean appeared. Eren had put up a fuss about leaving them alone in a new place for so long, but recognized it was the safest option for them. 

 

By mid-morning, the cars were mostly loaded, the sentimental items going first, followed by essentials with the last few items left in the house ready to be brought outside. Eren had just returned from loading his last box of clothes when he heard the soft click of the bedroom door. 

 

"Eren," Jean's voice filtered from around the corner as the man made his way into the living room, rubbing his sleep heavy eyes as he took in the few remaining boxes and Eren's disheveled appearance. "What—What's going on? What are all the boxes? And why is Reiner here?" 

 

"Jean, there's something I need to tell you."


	8. It's Too Late

Eren watched Reiner shift against the doorframe out of the corner of his eye, as the man squared his shoulders at Jean’s comment. Eren’s heart was racing, the pounding of it nearly painful against his ribs as the sound rushed through his ears. Jean’s face had blanched ghost white in response to Eren, his frown deepening as his eyes flitted from Mikassa holding a box of what was clearly sentimental items, to Armin hovering just outside, a tight grip on several sheets of paper. 

 

Jean took a tentative step forward, not close enough to cause alarm just yet, but enough to peer around Eren and see three cars parked outside, doors thrown open, packed with boxes and bags. His eyes widened for just a moment, then narrowed on Mikassa, “Did you talk him into this? You’ve done nothing but try to break us apart. You’ve been a snake in his ear the whole time.” 

 

Jeans arm darted out, cold and slightly trembling fingers wrapping around the brunette’s wrist in a nearly bruising grip. “You want to talk? Fine, let’s talk, but away from them,” Jean growled, tugging on Eren’s arm and leading him into the bedroom. Reiner bristled, Mikassa making a move to follow with her mouth open in protest before Eren held up his free hand. 

 

“It’s ok guys, I’ll be out in a few minutes,” Eren said, his strong tone not betraying the nerves wrapping around his core. If there was ever a time Jean might truly hurt him, this would be it, and Eren was resigned to that potentiality. He tugged lightly on his hand, trying to free it from Jean’s grip. When the other man reluctantly let go, he signed in relief, feeling a little more confident that this would end without injury. 

 

“Alright, let’s talk,” Jean said, pacing across and around the bedroom, motioning off-handedly for Eren to sit on the bed. 

 

Eren sighed, not taking his eyes off the floor, “I’m sure you already know what’s happening, Jean.” 

 

“Maybe, but I want to hear you say it,” Jean said, voice softer than Eren had heard it in quite some time, broken and scratchy from emotions Eren didn’t think Jean himself could decipher. 

 

“One would think,” Eren began, voice soft but firm, resolved in his decision and taking comfort in how far along the process already was, “—one would think that when your husband of nearly a decade, someone you have dedicated your life to and promised to care for, says that he doesn’t know if he still wants to be married, that you might try to change a few things.” 

 

Jean paused in pacing, sputtering before starting to dive into a defensive response before Eren stood, crossing the space between them and, placing his hands on Jean’s shoulders gently, “No, Jean. The time for defenses is over. It’s my time to talk now. I’ve tried to talk for months and months. I’ve tried counseling on my own only for you to dismiss anything I tried to talk to you about and being told that I’m just being influenced by the therapist. I’ve tried to get you to go to couples counseling, only for you to reject the idea and tell me therapy, _my profession_ , is nothing more than manipulation and deception." 

 

Eren swallowed thickly, willing the tears to stay back, "I’ve tried using my own tactics to change my communication style with you, or do exercises to bring us closer, only to be told to _‘stop therapizing’_ you. At what point did you put forth any effort to fix this with me instead of hiding your head in the sand?” Eren paused, searching Jean’s eyes, which had hardened and gone dark with anger. Eren took a step back, removing his hands from his husband’s shoulders and sat back down on the bed, head hung and eyes locked to the tips of his shoes before continuing. 

 

“I tried to manage everything: your rules, your expectations, your needs, and your demands. You have twisted my head and deprived me of my own needs to such an extent that I would get excited just by receiving a fucking hug from you. You don’t know how to care for anyone other than yourself and even that can be a stretch sometimes, especially when I’m there to take care of things for you,” Eren wrung his hands together, months, possibly years to frustration and anger spilling out of him unexpectedly. He had told himself he would remain calm, that these emotions were reserved for a quiet night in his new apartment, surrounded by his cats and lots of chocolate. However, here, in front of the man he had loved for so long, had dedicated every thought and concern to for nearly a third of his life, here, everything spilled from his unwilling lips. 

 

Jean’s face had twisted into some combination of fear, pain and anger. The image burned itself into Eren’s mind when he raised his eyes long enough to meet Jean’s glare. Jean had always been so proud, so smart, and so strategic. Eren could practically see the wheels turning in his head, trying to work this situation out like a chess match, trying to see six moves ahead so he could take solace in his inevitable check-mate. 

 

There was always one variable Jean could never quite pin down, however. It was like the ocean, responsive and undulating. Sometimes it was calm and inviting; while others it was treacherous, deceptive, and all-consuming. Despite everything Jean had done, all the control he had asserted and little manipulations he had executed both consciously and unconsciously, Eren’s emotions were something Jean could never accurately predict or understand. 

 

Eren watched the emotions flicker across Jean’s face: the betrayal, pain, fear, anguish, and finally the rage, before the man lunged at him, gathering Eren’s wrists in his hands and pinning them above Eren’s head as he was pushed backwards onto the bed. “You’re mine,” Jean growled, “I won’t share you with anyone. You can’t leave. I don’t care what you say, this isn’t over. I’ll fight for you. I’ll get you back.” 

 

Eren yelped, more from surprise than pain as Jean was still using far less pressure than he was capable of. The sound was enough to have Reiner and Mikassa rushing in however, pulling Jean off of Eren and restraining him as he kicked and grappled, reaching out towards Eren before stilling and losing all fight moments later. 

 

“I’m sorry Jean but it’s too late for you to show me, too late to get me back. I care about you. I never wanted to hurt you, but there isn’t anything here for me anymore. You aren’t the you I married anymore,” Eren sighed, looking between his two friends and nodding at them to let Jean go. After wary looks between the room’s occupants, the two released Jean who slumped to the floor, leaning back against the dresser. 

 

Eren knelt in front of his husband, wanting desperately to reach out a tuck away the errant strand of hair that had fallen in the man’s face but knew it would cause them both too much pain. Eren stood, instead, eyes lingering on the man he had tried so hard to stay with before turning and quietly, softly, as if to avoid disturbing the somber air that now blanketed the room, walked out, followed closely by Reiner and Mikassa. 

 

As the trio entered the living room, a small nod from Armin at the front door told them the last of Eren’s things had been packed away and it was time to leave. Eren turned; his back towards the front door as the rest of his friends filed out, finally allowing the tears that clung to his lashes to fall like ash onto the carpet. He heard a sob from down the hall; his heart clenched and his eyes closed. He whispered goodbyes to the house he had shared with a man he had loved, to the chapter of his life he was leaving behind; to hopes and dreams he would now never have the opportunity to bring to life. 

 

Eren walked outside, allowing the sun to warm his skin as he closed the door softly behind him. His finger traced the edge of the envelope in his hand as he contemplated whether or not to leave the goodbye letter he had written for Jean despite the conversation that had just transpired. He blinked slowly in the blinding light of the sun, watched as his friends beckoned him towards the cars, ready to start the next leg of the transition, and realized that for the first time in many years, he could do whatever it was that he wanted to do. Slipping the letter into the mail slot, if for no other reason than to remove it from his possession, Eren made the decision he felt he would regret the least, and walked towards his car, hopping into the driver’s seat and heading off the caravan towards his new apartment.

~~~

In the days that followed, Eren was reminded of how intertwined his life had become to Jean's. He still tip-toed around his apartment until noon, despite the lack of a sleeping partner. He found himself with his finger hovering over the call button of Jean's contact on his way home from work before realizing he didn't need to keep the man updated on his whereabouts anymore. He even found himself hesitating before eating when he was hungry, having to verbally remind himself that he didn't need to wait for anyone else to be ready.

 

Now and then, Eren would feel the wash of freedom overtake him. The feeling of responsibilities never left due to work or maintaining his new home but the overall sense that he could make choices for himself, that he could do what he felt was right, was new and exhilarating. Overwhelmingly though, he was hit with a grave sense of loss, fear, and doubt. Mikassa, Armin, and others had dropped by throughout the week, offering to take Eren out for drinks, or to the movies, or sit and cuddle on the couch, anything that would draw out the man they remembered. 

 

It was several days later, after Eren had received a call from Erwin confirming the letter of intent had been sent but they still had not received a response, that Eren felt it necessary to return Jean's 27 missed calls and 33 text messages. He had surrounded himself in blankets, eking out any sense of comfort and strength he could find, with Armin and Mikassa close by, when he made the call. 

 

The phone rang twice before being picked up. Eren had expected an awkward greeting, but instead he heard a muffled and gruff, "What took you so long?" 

 

Eren sighed, his mind reeling from being thrown back into the same patters he had just removed himself from. He took a breath, trying to consciously decipher the neural pathways that we appropriate from the ones that no longer were. "I'm sorry," Eren began, chiding himself for the immediate apology but not ready to take it back. He knew confronting the issue head on would have been more efficient and effective, but he was just so tired. 

 

"You've been trying to get a hold of me Jean, what is it that you need?" Eren's tone was soft, laced with an understanding he hadn't consciously identified, and absent any snark he may have expected. 

 

"I just don't understand why you left," Jean began, taking a deep breath before continuing. "I've done everything you asked, I worked on yelling and hitting things less. I stopped being so rigid about when you eat, even though I still don't understand why it's that big of a deal. I read your letter and it doesn't make sense. I haven't been abusive, I haven't done any of the things you seem to think. You made it sound like I’m a monster, but I love you and I've tried to address everything on my list of things you wanted changed." 

 

Eren shuddered, a fresh wave of tears threatening the corners of his eyes. He remembered how many of these conversations they had had, how many times and how many ways he had said these words over and over with no result, "I'm sorry for how things happened that morning. Not necessarily the feelings I expressed, but for the way I said it and how I left. Every time I've tried to tell you what I want, or need, it's been met with nothing but resistance from you. I can't expect you to ever absorb my words when they are said that way from a place of anger, but I've tried to tell you what was happening in so many ways, over so many months, that this was the only next step I could take. You knew that this was coming, you just refused to acknowledge it. I never wanted to hurt you in the way that I did, and I have no doubt that I didn't do this correctly, but you know I've never been good at thinking things through." 

 

Eren found himself gripping the phone tighter as he continued, "Frustration, anger, and resentment have been building in me towards our relationship for a while, years maybe, and it was wrong of me to keep things bottled up for so long. But everything exploded from me 6 months ago. All the pain and bitterness came out the night I told you I didn't know if I wanted to stay married. It was at that point, that a switch in my brain turned on and I was flooded with the realization of how unhappy I truly am and how I resented you." 

 

Eren continued, "Whenever I sit back and dig beyond the surface of all this anger, that resentment spawned from a place I couldn't put words to until recently. I lost myself when I fell in love with you. When I fell in love with you, I gave you everything, including my very identity, my soul. I dedicated everything to you and I allowed you to shape and mold me into whatever made you happy: did the things you wanted, said the things you wanted, ceased all parts of me that might upset you. I was so focused on one goal, on making you happy, that I didn't care what I lost in the process." 

 

Jean was silent for a few moments, "Well, how was I supposed to know that you changed everything for me? I never asked you to and from my perspective you were just the you I fell in love with. I had no way to know that you had changed a thing because of me. I never wanted to railroad over your life or change you. I never wanted to make you feel upset or hurt. I just wanted _you_ " 

 

Eren nodded, more as a sense of self-assurance than for Jean's benefit. , "Over the last 10 years I've grown, and with that came a growing sense of longing for myself. An acknowledgement of the piece of my soul that has been missing since I cut it out for you. I miss myself. I miss making my own decisions based on my own consequences. I miss asking for what I want freely because I deserve it. I miss the parts of me I threw away when I met you. You never asked me to throw those parts away, but I did with the hope that it would make me more of what you wanted." 

 

Maria hopped up into Eren's lap, sensing his discomfort. He stroked his fingers through long grey fur, calming his senses as the words continued to spill, "Sometimes I remember how little you truly know about me; how guarded I still am after so many years. I kept that part of me under lock and key, not from fear of losing you, or fear of being rejected by you because I knew/know you love me, but for fear of my own disappointment when the realization finally passes my lips that I am not who I am, the anger that I would feel when I ask myself how I could throw myself away. I finally asked myself a few months ago who I was, worked through the emotions and the betrayal, and came out the other side resolved to fix things with you so I could have my cake and eat it too. I wanted to have the life I expected for myself and be the person I wanted, and still have you. " 

 

Jean grunted on the other end of the line, having stayed so quiet. Eren had wondered if he had hung up, but had continued to talk anyway, hoping getting the words out would help him even if no one was there to hear. Jean remained calm, "You never told me any of this, Eren. Why are you telling me now?" 

 

An unexpected, small smile formed on Eren's lips. It was devoid of humor, born from disbelief and resignation, "I tried, Jean. I told you this in emails, letters, during arguments and hushed conversations before we fell asleep. I have tried saying these exact words and tried using words that were more logical and less emotional. But in every case, I was dismissed, told that what I was feeling was inaccurate or inappropriate. I have laid myself bare for you in hopes that I can communicate clearly and not out of anger what my hopes were, what my dreams were, and how you and I move forward, but that vulnerability was met with harsh words instead of reassurance and safety." 

 

"But we didn't even try to fix things," Jean pleaded, "You never gave me the chance to be better." 

 

"I have nothing left to give, Jean," Eren said, his voice heavy with longing and mournful of the potential future with Jean he felt robbed of, "It's too late."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for all of your support, your comments, and your encouragement. It truly brightens my day to see that you are enjoying this work. I know the events leading up to this have spurned a little controversy in some, concern in others, and hope for the future, but Eren has a little bit more growing to do before he realizes that the future he dreamed of, may not happen with Jean, but is still possible.


	9. Together

“I’ve got you,” the low smooth voice above Eren whispered, as soft light danced before Eren’s closed eyelids. He was too comfortable to move, too relaxed to even try to open his eyes. 

 

“Let me take care of you,” the voice said as Eren felt the ghosting of warm, slender fingers down the side of his neck, across his shoulder, down his chest, lower, lower, lower. 

 

Eren sighed as he felt a firm grasp around the base of his cock followed by a long, slow, stroke up, up, up. A moan pulled itself from between Eren’s sleepy lips as he stretched his arms above his head and rut his hips into that delicious grip. A yawn ripped itself from Eren’s mouth before he buried his face in the arm still outstretched above him. 

 

“M-More...” Eren mumbled, rocking his hips upwards as his eyes squeezed shut against the slow burn of pleasure radiating from between his thighs and coiling in his abdomen. Eren felt the warmth of the hands return to his sides, gently coaxing him to turn onto his belly, the sheets shifting with him to wrap him like a toga. 

 

Eren’s hips resumed their motion, his cock pressing and shifting against the sheets, his fingers curling in the fabric of the pillowcase. 

 

“Relax Eren. That’s it,” the voice continued, lulling him into a state he could not remember ever being in before; he felt so cared for, so comforted, no pressure to please or perform, asked simply to exist and accept the gift of feeling in whatever form it was presented. 

 

Eren’s hips began to stutter, and on a particularly forceful downward thrust his orgasm washed over him with a drawn out moan, leaving him shuddering and shivering in the aftershocks. The sticky sensation below him seemed to jar Eren into full wakefulness, eyes blinking against the morning light. He looked over to the clock noting that he still had a few hours before his first appointment then realizing he was still laying in a pool of his own release. 

 

Eren rolled his eyes, grumbling to himself about being no better than a horny teenager still having wet dreams as he made his way to the shower. Once thoroughly devoid of all evidence of his raging libido, Eren padded through the apartment to the kitchen to prepare breakfast, reveling in the unusually leisurely pace of his morning. 

 

In the six months that followed the filing of his divorce, Eren had hardly been able to catch his breath. From visits to Erwin’s office to talk over strategies, ideas, offers, and concessions, to the influx of clients at work and demand for more rigorous support programming for the assault survivors he worked with, Eren found himself in desperate need of an outlet for relaxation. 

 

This new way of life surprised him. It wasn’t that it was all that new; there were still responsibilities, deadlines, cats to take care of, and appointments to keep. What had surprised him was how long it had taken to adjust to making his own decisions. Eren had followed Jean’s rules and schedule and allowed his husband’s emotions to guide his reactions for so long that having the freedom to choose was foreign. Eren often found himself sitting on his couch after a long day of work, staring at the blank TV screen. He hated to turn it on, on mere principle, recalling wasted evenings sitting in front of shows he had no interest in simply because that’s what Jean had wanted to do. 

 

Other nights, Eren found himself curled up on his bed, sheets and blankets thrown over his head. The disconcerting silence of his new apartment was so different than the sounds of Jean milling about while Eren had tried to sleep that it kept him up far longer than his husband’s noises ever had. 

 

Rose, Maria and Sina had adjusted quickly, carving out their own little spaces within the new dwelling and filling it with fluff and fuzz and jingling toys. Their presence was essential to Eren’s sense of calm, the feel of their fur beneath his fingertips was one of the best ways to ground him when everything felt a bit out of hand. 

 

Eren smiled, pouring himself a hot cup of Earl Grey, the citrus scent blanketing the sharpness of the black tea leaves. He was expecting a call from Erwin sometime in the next few days, final settlements having been reached and only waiting on the last few sign offs. 

 

The process had been a long one, Jean fighting at every turn, trying to make things as difficult as possible in an attempt to force Eren to give up and return to him. It had been so difficult, at first, to ignore the phone calls and the text messages. It was like a mother having to withstand her child’s screaming cries as it learns to sooth itself, with only the hope that soon she would have peace. 

 

Jean had been relentless those first few weeks. Eren would turn his phone on silent only to return to it a few hours later with upwards of 60 missed calls. The text messages he received ranged from pleading to violent, helpless to hostile. Many nights were spent huddled between Armin and Mikasa, the pair of whom kept his phone far away lest he be roped back into the vicious cycle of manipulation. 

 

The calls and messages had stopped suddenly, about three months later. It had taken Eren by such surprise, having gotten used to the constant reminder of what he was leaving behind, that he had feared for Jean’s safety. His concern had grown so much after 2 days of silence that he had reached out to Jean’s mother, thankfully still on amicable terms with the woman, and confirmed that while still devastated, Jean was in fact alive and well. Eren had breathed a deep sigh of relief and thanked the woman who had given him her best wishes despite the pain both he and her son were experiencing, trusting that Eren had made whatever decision was best for himself. 

 

It was after that call that Eren’s anxiety had calmed a bit, throwing himself further into developing programming at work and working on a new project with Erwin. With all of the time Eren had spent in his lawyer’s office within the last few months, Eren and Erwin had often deviated from the topic of Eren’s divorce to the population he was so passionate about working with. 

 

Eren could go on and on about his clients and how excited he was to watch them grow and develop. It had been a well-timed question from Erwin, inquiring about how closely he associated himself and his own situation with that of his clients, that had led him to explore the lack legal support for people in unhealthy and detrimental relationship attempting to separate from their partners. Eren had expressed a desire to connect these individuals with legal and counseling services before the abuse escalated but had difficulty in the past getting the idea of the ground. Erwin, being partner in a firm that handled both divorce and family law and provided supportive services for witnesses and others involved in prosecuting criminal cases, found the conversation interesting to say the least, especially knowing the passion with which the other partner in his firm fought for the rights of those struggling in situations that had progressed beyond Eren’s. 

 

In the last few months, the idea had grown into something that was quickly becoming a reality. As Eren finished his tea and munched on some eggs, he reviewed the proposal he had prepared for Erwin. It would be the first formal conversation he had with the man regarding the project, and Eren was a whirlwind of both excitement and apprehension. 

 

After a few hours spent puttering around his apartment Eren realized he had wasted too much time. He only had a few minutes and had to rush through his shower and throw his clothes on, nearly tripping as he attempted to put on his shoe while simultaneously reaching for his keys and running out the door. Operating on auto piolet, Eren soon found himself shifting from foot to foot in the waiting room of Erwin’s firm. 

 

Eren's gaze had drifted down to the scuff on the side of his shoe when his attention was called by the very man he was there to see. Quickly following Erwin to his office, Eren handed the man a well-organized folder, outlining the proposal, and sat in the plush chair he seemed to always favor whenever he visited Erwin. Bouncing a little in his seat from excitement and grinning broadly, Eren waited for Erwin to signal that he was ready. 

 

"I'm glad you came today, Eren. I'm also very interested in this proposal. I know you and I have talked about this extensively but formalizing the process will make it much easier for me to present it in a positive light to the other partner in the firm. I don't believe you've met, but after our conversation, I might bring him in if he has a few moments," Erwin began. Eren nodded enthusiastically with comically wide eyes that made Erwin chuckle, not quite trusting his voice with all the nerves and excitement swirling within him. 

 

"Excellent," Erwin continued, "So why don't we get started?" 

 

"Well, as you know, the population I work with most closely are abuse survivors. They typically have experienced physical and sexual trauma but by the time they get to me, whatever has happened to them has been _'dealt with '_ and they are trying to get their feet under them. I'm proposing that we have an earlier intervention available to them in joint partnership," Eren paused, gathering his thoughts and taking a few breaths to ensure he didn't begin to ramble. 

 

"These clients," Eren said, holding Erwin's gaze as he spoke passionately, "when talking about their experiences, they most often site lack of knowledge, guilt, and fear as the primary reason they stayed in such a negative relationship. I know that even in my situation, those feelings held me back from acting sooner. I was lucky. I had a support system that helped me push through before it ever got to something I couldn't escape. These client's, they didn't have that luxury but we have an opportunity to provide that to them." 

 

Eren was wringing his hands together, the excitement drained from him, replaced by melancholy and a tinge of helplessness as he recalled the years he had sat idly by as his life was slowly taken over by his husband. Eren stared down at his hands, his voice softening as he recalled the words of encouragement he had received from his clients when discussing this new idea. "The piece that's missing is how to reach them without their partner finding out, as that would put them at far more risk," Eren concluded, looking back up to meet Erwin's gaze once more, confidence building at the pensive look on the man's face. 

 

"This is definitely something we can work on. The partner I've been telling you about, Levi, he works with our victim's rights division and I believe he would be an excellent asset to this project. He's finishing up a meeting right now so let's take a quick break and then I'll call him in," Erwin said, shuffling the papers a bit before standing and making his way towards the break room. 

 

Eren grinned as he stowed away his own papers and followed Erwin. Eren had only walked a few steps out of Erwin's office when his phone rang loudly. Cursing under his breath and trying to figure out why it had gone off when it was set to silent, the emergency line for his work flashed on the bright screen. Understanding flooded his mind as he rushed into an empty office and answered, "This is Eren." 

 

Eren paced around the office as he listened to Historia give him a brief description of the crisis call that was about to be patched through, taking in the extraordinarily organized state of everything within. The desk was large, but not imposing, with a small stack of folders on the right corner. The chair had been neatly pushed beneath the desk, indicating its last occupant had great care for tidiness and order, so unlike himself who typically left his desk chair yards away as he would sprint off to his next task. 

 

"Understood, put her through," Eren told Historia, running his fingers across the marbled surface of an end table perched between the two chairs facing the desk. Eren continued to survey the office until a frantic voice he recognized as one of his clients sounded through the speaker. His attention quickly focused on her, a newer client that had relocated after enduring six months of physical abuse at the hands of her new husband. 

 

Eren sat down in one of the leather chairs, bending forward with his elbows on his knees as he walked his client through her anxiety attack, "I can hear your fear honey. I understand. As soon as we get you to breathe in a way that doesn't sound like a sputtering jet engine, we can make a plan to move you. He texted you your own address, so that means he knows where you are, but we can get you to a shelter at least temporarily. He won't know how to track you there but I need you to breathe." 

 

Eren counted with the girl, breathing in and out with his counts to help her mirror the action. Eren smiled to himself as he heard the sigh of relief once she was able to breathe normally again. "You did great," Eren praised as he shuffled for the shelter's card he kept in his pocket. "Ok, I've got the info right here. I'm going to conference in Historia so she can make arrangements for the shelter to come get you. As soon as we connect I'm going to hang up so she can conference the shelter in." 

 

Eren paused, having to help the girl count again as the pace of her breath quickened at the thought of what she was about to face. Once Eren deemed her stabilized, he continued, "They will give you a description of exactly who will be picking you up. Do not, under any circumstance get into a vehicle with anyone else. It will be an unmarked vehicle, so you will need to check the license plate they give you before you leave the building. We've got you. You're going to be ok," Eren soothed as he took the steps to connect to Historia, relaying the plan and hanging up once it was underway. 

 

He took a few moments to compose himself, proud of his client for using the support system and the contingency plan they had devised for just such an occasion, but was still on edge given the consequences if anything fell through. He used his own self-soothing techniques, developed over the years to deal with anxiety brought on by college, to calm himself when Jean was in one of his moods. Eren pinched and rubbed at the skin between his thumb and pointer finger, activating the pressure point most often used to relieve migraines but that often served the dual purpose of calming the brunette. 

 

Having lost track of time, Eren startled when he heard a soft knock on the door. Realizing he had effectively commandeered someone's office, Eren bolted upright and opened the door abruptly, hair disheveled and an almost wild look in his eyes, embarrassment clear on his face through the light dusting of pink that sat across his cheeks. 

 

"I—I'm so sorry. I'm sure this is your office and I just up and took it right out from under you. I'm sure you had plenty of work to do and I didn't mean to be in there for so lo---." Eren snapped his mouth shut as he was met with a silver gaze flitting across his face, taking him in. Eren raised his hand to the back on his neck, scratching at it nervously. 

 

"Sorry, I was rambling. Um, hi. I-I'm Eren," he said as he offered his hand, eyes widening at the strong grip of the other, albeit a bit smaller, man before him. 

 

"Levi," the man said, a soft smile replacing the calculating, indifferent one that had been on his face before. "I'm Erwin's partner in the firm. I believe he mentioned to me a bit about a proposal you had for us. " Eren nodded enthusiastically, following the man back inside the office when motioned to do so and taking a seat that was offered him. 

 

Levi sat in the opposite chair rather than behind the desk, crossing his legs such that his right ankle rested on his left knee and steeping his fingers as his elbows rested on his thighs. "I have to apologize myself. I overheard a bit of your conversation. You handle yourself extremely well in a crisis," Levi said, eyes narrowed in appraisal of Eren's reactions but face otherwise warm and welcoming. 

 

Eren smiled nervously, having expected a more formal introduction and thrown off by the abruptness of the meeting as well as the compliment. "It's no worry," the brunet said, "I am the one that invaded your space without regard for you." 

 

Levi hummed, tilting his head to the side just enough for his slate bangs to fall delicately across one eye. Eren met the silver gaze once more, smiling a little more sincerely and trying to convey his excitement and earnestness in the exchanged look. Levi must have seen what he wanted, or at least some semblance of the same, as he smiled and stood, motioning for Eren to stay seated as he made his way over to a cart on the far wall. 

 

"Tea or coffee," he asked Eren, turning to face the man as he waited for an answer. 

 

"Tea, please. I had Earl Grey this morning. Do you have anything with mint?" Eren asked as he shuffled about in his seat. 

 

"I do. I'm quite partial to spearmint, if that's alright," Levi answered, turning on the machine which would bring the water to an optimal 195 degrees Fahrenheit. Eren smiled as he watched the man putter about by the tea cart, clearly used to the practice and engrossed in the methodical movements. 

 

Once Levi brought their tea over to the well-arranged sitting area, Eren dove into his presentation enthusiastically, adding in anecdotes from his own experiences as necessary to bring Levi up to speed with why he was so passionate about the cause. Eren was so wired and Levi was listening to him so intently that Eren couldn't help but eagerly soak up the attention he was receiving, converting it into an even more passionate rendition of his original discussions with Erwin. 

 

Eren was left panting and slightly flushed when his rousing presentation was complete, receiving a huff of laughter from the man across from him. "You clearly know what you are talking about, and from the little I heard of how you handled the crisis you were contacted regarding, I know that we are making a wise decision in supporting you with this," Levi said lightly, as though he was simply stating that Eren had made a good choice in some trivial matter such as what to wear that day. 

 

Eren reveled in the conversation that ensued, the pair discussing how the firm could contribute, what the managerial structure could look like, and other practical processes Eren had yet to address. Even Erwin had not responded in a way that made Eren feel as supported as Levi did. His comments were thoughtful, clearly indicating that his attention had hung on Eren's every word and his ideas fed Eren even further. As the two stood, Eren making his way towards the door out into the waiting room, ready to return home and call Armin and Mikasa to tell them the great news, he heard a small noise behind him. 

 

"This really was enjoyable, Eren," Levin began, opening the door for Eren but not making a move to leave. "I'm glad we had a chance to talk and will connect with Erwin regarding when we can start the process of making this a final decision. Furthermore," Levi said, clearing his throat as he straightened up a bit, "You certainly seem like you would be a pleasure to work beside. I look forward to more meetings with you." Eren held back a chuckle at the barely noticeable dusting of pink on Levi's cheeks, not realizing the compliment had effectively garnered the same reaction from him. He took Levi's outstretched hand, shaking it firmly as he smiled wide. 

 

Eren exclaimed, "I'm very excited to be working with you, Levi. I know we can make a difference, especially when we work together!" He waws blushing bright red when he realized how cheesy the statement sounded and turned towards the door to leave and run away from his embarrassment, but relaxed at Levi's light chuckle. 

 

Levi let his hand fall from the handshake, eyes shimmering with mirth and a little something more. His lips quirked up at the corners in what Eren assumed to be his version of an approving smile, "Yes, together."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for all of your support. I'm so excited for the next arc and hope you are too!


	10. The Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was so excited for this chapter I simply couldn't wait until tomorrow. Thank you all for your continued support, kudos, comments and words of enthusiasm. Please enjoy and don't hesitate to let me know what you think (thoughts, predictions and hopes are always welcome!) feel free to hit me up on [tumblr](https://eveningstargazer.tumblr.com/) with any questions!

"Eren, before you leave, may I have a moment?" Erwin asked, as Eren tried to make a beeline for the exit, still flustered from his exchange with Levi but grinning ecstatically. Eren nodded as Erwin turned and led him back to his office. 

 

"I see Levi stole you away from me, hmm?" Erwin mused, a smirk rather than a smile gracing his lips as if he were reading much more into it than Eren had considered. 

 

"Ah, yes," Eren replied, squirming in his seat and rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment, pausing and furrowing his brow at the realization that he wasn’t sure for what he was actually embarrassed. "He caught me right after I had to take care of a crisis call from work and we started chatting. I got a bit carried away and basically delivered the entire proposal. I’m sorry, I should have waited for you," Eren continued nervously, now worried that he had somehow jeopardized the entire idea by not following Erwin’s plan. He chided himself, silently reprimanding the thinking patterns that still remained from Jean, and attempted to relax upon seeing Erwin’s soft and knowing smile. 

 

"There is no need to apologize, Eren," Erwin comforted, "As I mentioned before, Levi is very passionate about this population and often participates in lobbying for increased survivor’s rights. I doubt very much I would have been of much use in that conversation. Anything I needed to discuss I can easily do so with him later. " 

 

Eren sighed, making no attempt to explain his constant need to apologize, yet appreciating the gentleness with which Erwin dismissed his concerns. The corner of his lips quirked up; the half-smile telling Erwin that the brunette was fine as he began to fidget in his chair again. "You had something else you wanted to discuss?" Eren inquired. 

 

"Ah, yes," Erwin said, holding up a finger as he gathered his thoughts, drawing them away from the contemplation of how his normally stoic and rather anti-social partner decided to jump head first into an unplanned meeting with Eren without Erwin as his usual buffer. "I always host the firm’s holiday party at my estate," Erwin began, "I know it’s rather short notice, but seeing as we will be business associates soon, I’d like to invite you and formally introduce you to the rest of the staff. After the holiday’s die down, we will be able to put more resources into this, but for now I imagine you will be working rather closely with Levi on this." 

 

"Thank you, Erwin. I’d love to come," Eren nearly shouted, bouncing in his chair to relieve some of his excitement, both at the prospect of meeting the rest of the firm, indicating that his plan truly was becoming a reality, and at the notion he would be working more closely with the raven-haired man that had put him at such ease just a few minutes before. Eren smiled, clearing his throat and willing down the plush that threatened to form on his cheeks at his next words, "I’m very excited to work on this project with Levi, Erwin. It’s clear from what you have told me and what I’ve read of his profile that he will be an excellent resource. Our conversation was fantastic and his ideas are spot on. Thank you!" 

 

"My pleasure," Erwin said, standing from his seat and walking Eren back out into the waiting room, smiling comfortingly as Eren made his way to the elevators and wishing him a happy weekend. " See you Saturday then, Eren. I’ll send you the details," Erwin said, chuckling when he received two thumbs-up from the tall brunette as the elevator doors closed in front of him. 

 

Erwin chuckled, amused and a bit endeared at the other man’s antics and natural awkwardness. He turned on his heel, popping his head into the office next to his on his way back, "Oh, Levi? A word if you wouldn’t mind." He grinned, broad and bright as the raven met his gaze, rolling his eyes and huffing in annoyance as he stood, tucked his chair beneath his desk, and followed the behemoth of a blonde down the hall. 

 

"What is it, eyebrows?" Levi drawled, shuffling behind his college friend, having to take much wider steps than he was used to in order to match the taller man’s stride, not willing to walk faster and look like he was jogging behind his associate just to keep up, "I’ve got some case notes to finish typing up and a few clients to call. Not to mention that brat has so many ideas swimming around in my head I need to get them down on paper before I lose them." Levi was happy he was still slightly behind Erwin as it hid his blush from the blonde. Levi jumped and his steps faltered as Erwin stopped and spun around, a huge grin spread across his face as he leered at his friend and co-worker. 

 

"That _brat_ , as you call him, is precisely what I’d like to talk about," Erwin said, his blue eyes bright with mischief, "And I think we should call Hanji up to join us if she’s not in session." 

 

"Oh, no. Absolutely not!" Levi nearly shouted, whipping around to head back to his office, unwilling to have this conversation with his friends just yet, not when he was still sorting through what had just happened himself. Levi pushed the door closed once he made it back to the safety and comfort of his office, plopping into his desk chair and letting out a frustrated huff. He took a deep breath, shaking out his hands to try to regain his focus before turning his back to the door and diving into his case notes, trying desperately to calm down his heart that was beating out of his chest for no discernable reason, by diving into monotonous work. 

 

Hanji and Erwin smiled, chuckling silently to themselves as they leaned against the doorway, peeking through the gap left by the door being ajar like two proud parents watching their child play. They watched as Levi typed his thoughts out furiously, mumbling to himself quietly, but loud enough for _bright eyes_ , _fucking smile_ , and _should be illegal_ to be heard sprinkled into the rant. 

 

Hanji’s eyes were alight, burning with excitement and anticipation. "I can’t wait till the party," she breathed, careful to ensure Levi didn’t notice their prying. 

 

"Oh, I’m sure it will make for a very interesting evening for our little munchkin," Erwin chuckled, turning and making his way back to his office to ensure he sent Eren all the details he would need for the party on Saturday, "Interesting, indeed."

~~~

That Saturday evening found Eren buried in a pile of clothing, having thrown everything out of his closet in an attempt to find something suitable for the party. In the end he had needed to enlist Armin's help, calling the blonde with desperation in his voice, pleading for him to come over and dress the poor brunette. Eren had been so thankful for his friend's help he had spent the afternoon baking Armin's favorite brownies as thanks.

 

"The car Erwin sent will be here in the next ten minutes. Erwin asked me to stop by the office for something before I head over, so I'll meet you there," Armin reminded the bright eyed young man, poking at the lump that was previously Eren curled up on the sofa. "Get up already. You are going to wrinkle that shirt," Armin chastised. They had finally landed on a dark navy blue [suit](https://cdn.simplesite.com/i/32/f5/282319408659559730/i282319414674582054._szw1280h1280_.jpg) layered over a heather grey vest and white button up. 

 

Armin was currently holding up a dark navy tie switching between that and a grey one, attempting to decide which would complement Eren's brown leather belt and shoes, finally opting for the navy and assisting Eren with its placement. Armin smiled at his best friend, dusting a bit of invisible dust of the man's shoulder before patting it. 

 

"You look stunning," Armin said, hugging his best friend tightly like a mother sending her son off on his first date. "You are going to make a great impression on the whole firm," Armin encouraged, "They won't know what hit them and will be so excited to work on this project you won't know what to do with all the help. Knock 'em dead kiddo." 

 

The two friends broke out in a peel of giggles until they heard the firm knock of the driver on Eren's apartment door. With one final encouraging smile and smack on the ass from his best friend, Eren made opened the door, grinning broadly and following the man out of the building and into the waiting car. 

 

The drive was smooth but Eren could hardly contain his excitement. It had been some time since he had last attended a function such as this, Jean's desire to stay in the comfort of their home often deterring Eren from accepting invitations such as this in the past. Eren's eyes grew to the size of saucers as they pulled up to the massive structure which was Erwin's [estate](http://biggerluxury.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/428967933242701793.jpg). 

 

The car pulled around the large fountain centered in the driveway and Eren vibrated with excitement, taking in the enormous grand staircase leading to the spacious front patio. Standing three stories tall, the stone home was softly lit, accenting the impeccable landscaping and making the otherwise imposing building seem warm and inviting. Eren bounded out of the car, reining in his excitement and smoothing down his suit before calmly heading in. 

 

People were milling about everywhere and Eren briefly felt as though he had stepped into another realm. Soft music played beneath the layer of chatter and the scents wafting towards him from what appeared to be a dining room to his right drew him further inside. After only a few moments of looking about, attempting to find someone he recognized, Eren heard the screech of his former therapist as Hanji barreled towards him, shrimp toast held in her mouth, a cocktail in one hand and several h'ordeuvres balanced in the other. 

 

"Eren! Eren! Eren! It's so great to see you honey! Erwin told me all about your project; he's so excited to have the firm partnering with you. I'm so proud of you honey bunch!" Hanji exclaimed around her mouthful of food, quickly taking another swig of her cocktail to wash it down before continuing, "And you must have really made an impression on Levi. The grouchy little leprechaun wouldn't stop talking about you and your ideas at lunch the other day!" 

 

Eren blushed a vivid scarlet, foremost because, although he knew he had been received warmly by the partners, he hadn't realized his project had taken such a front seat in their discussions. The thought then occurred to him that Hanji had specifically pointed out that the raven-haired man had been talking about him in addition to his ideas. The worry Eren initially felt, fearing that he was being made fun of by Levi or otherwise looked down on was quickly washed away by the giddiness in Hanji's voice. She knew where his insecurities lay and would not have pointed something like that out with such excitement. That left only one conclusion: Levi had been talking about him positively. 

 

Eren's thoughts were interrupted when a smooth voice sounded behind him, "What are you bothering the brat about now, shitty glasses? And shut your mouth, you're disgusting." Eren spun around, startled at first but beaming when he saw it was Levi that stood behind him. The man's eyes flitted quickly to Eren's, the raven's features softening for a split second before quickly morphing back into the indifferent and unamused expression he fixed on the boisterous woman that had previously been occupying the brunette. 

 

"L-Levi! It's good to see you again," Eren stuttered, shifting from foot to foot. He lifted his hand to rub at the back of his neck as he was want to do when very nervous, catching himself and letting out a nervous chuckle before dropping his hand back to his side. 

 

Levi's thin lips twitched in what Eren assumed was the beginnings of a smile and parted to respond, before snapping shut when the raven was pounced on by none other than Hanji. "Munchkin!" Hanji cried, directly into the man's ear, causing him to grimace and attempt to disentangle himself from her. 

 

"Holy hell, Hanji. It's barely eight thirty," Levi groused, "How much have you had to drink already?" 

 

Eren smiled, watching the two bicker and tussle about in friendly banter. It was clear that they had known each other for some time, most likely college if Eren remembered his conversation with Erwin correctly. He tilted his head, taking in the sight of Hanji ruffling the raven's undercut cheekily while the man muttered what sounded suspiciously like death threats under his breath. 

 

Eren's bright green gaze caught the molten silver of Levi's and he blushed furiously at having been caught staring. Levi, who seemed to have forgotten exactly where he was while engrossed in his struggle to free himself from Hanji's antics, was startled by the gaze he found locked with his own. 

 

Pushing a hand against Hanji's face to dislodge himself from her continued shenanigans after regaining his bearings, Levi took a step closer to Eren. Turning back to Hanji, the raven grumbled, "I know this is supposed to be a party, but it is technically a work party so if you wouldn't mind," Levi paused to clear his throat, turning back to face Eren. He straightened up a bit so he didn't have to tilt his head back quite so far to look into Eren's eyes and continued, "I have a few things I'd like to discuss about the plan if you wouldn't mind joining me on the balcony. " 

 

Eren grinned down at Levi, noticing his discomfort with having to tilt back so far and adjusted so he wasn't towering over the man quite as much. "I'd love to," Eren said, turning around in a circle as he realized he had no idea which direction to head. 

 

Eren was startled when he felt a warm hand on his back, not low enough to be considered uncouth but firm and comforting. He smiled at Levi, the raven quirking a brow in question to ensure Eren was ok with the contact, causing Eren to smile wide at the care and concern Levi had for his comfort. He was a tactile person, taking comfort in the touch of others but having grown unfamiliar with it over the last few years. He had been deprived positive contact such as this for so long but it had not dampened his desire for it, however. The warmth of the hand on his back spread through him, the first welcome contact from someone other than Mikassa or Armin in such a long time. 

 

With the slightest pressure of Levi's hand guiding him in the right direction, the pair made it out onto the balcony. Eren took in the wide expanse of gardens that made up the back half of the estate, eyes wide as he took in how everything was set alight by the moon, the lack of light pollution in this part of the country allowing him to see the faint outline of the milky way spread out across the sky. 

 

Eren sucked in a sharp breath at the pure beauty of it, eyes locked to the stars, unnoticing of the silver eyes that were entranced by his form as he leaned against the balcony railing. He failed to notice Levi chewing on his lip, the raven's hands clenching as if trying to hold back the desire to reach out and touch, too engrossed in the beauty sprawled out before him. He did notice however the slight movement in his periphery as Levi finally joined him in leaning against the rail, lifting his head but gazing to his left so he could still watch Eren under the guise of staring at the stars. 

 

"It's beautiful," Eren breathed as he continued to search the stars, mentally checking off the constellations as he mapped them. 

 

"Breathtaking," Levi said. As Eren flicked his eyes to his right he thought he saw Levi's eyes shift up as if they had not previously been looking at the stars. The raven's eyes shifted back to Eren, the blush on his cheek confirming Eren's earlier suspicion. He ducked his head to hide the shy smile and his own blush which blossomed at the attentions of the other man. 

 

Eren sucked his bottom lip between his teeth, shifting his gaze back to the stars before prompting further, feeling more awkward and out of place as the silence drew out. Eren cleared his throat to gain the other man's attention, unaware that he had never lost it in the first place, "Thank you for taking such interest in the project, Levi. I don't think you could know how much it means to me." 

 

"Don’t mention it, brat," Levi said, voice soft and full of fondness, "If Erwin hadn't taken an interest in an angry punk-ass kid with too many piercings leading a victim's rights protest all those years ago, I wouldn't be partner in one of the most successful family law firms in the state right now." 

 

"Wow, I had no idea you two went that far back. Explains a lot though," Eren chuckled, turning so that his back was against the railing and looking back through the open French doors to the party still going strong inside. 

 

"That, sir, is a story for another time," Levi said, shaking his head and turning to face Eren. "I asked you out here to ask if you had any commitments over the next few days. I know the holidays are approaching but I really would like to have a plan laid out for launch before the first quarter hits so I can get the funding allotment without too much fuss." 

 

"Nothing other than the clinic," Eren responded, filling Levi in on the details of his schedule and planning a few coffee _dates_ with the raven. Eren's eyes widened when he realized the term his own brain had supplied, stuttering nervously in the middle of the discussion before regaining his composure. 

 

Levi had simply smirked at Eren's suddenly nervous display and the light blush that graced the taller man's cheeks after setting a time and place to meet next. The two continued chatting until Hanji appeared, whisking them back to the party muttering about _party poopers_ and something along the lines of _getting asses on the dance floor_. 

 

Although Eren successfully avoided the dance floor for the rest of the evening, chatting with Levi and several other associates he was introduced to by the raven who sat next him, Eren found himself thoroughly enjoying himself. He relaxed back into his chair, grinning ear to ear as he watched Hanji get down and dirty on the dance floor with an assistant named Moblit. He may not have noticed the brief glances from beneath raven lashes or the soft twitch of pale lips from the man next to him, but he did notice the calm warmth of happiness spreading from within.

~~~

After being driven home by another of Erwin's drivers at nearly three in the morning, Eren stumbled in the front door, disoriented more from exhaustion than the effect of any alcohol he had consumed. He stripped himself layer by layer of his outfit on his way to the bedroom, happy to leave the mess he was making for the next day. Flopping face first onto his bed Eren let himself be lulled to sleep by the memory of a warm hand on his back and a soft smile on thin lips.

 

When Eren finally woke the next day, it was nearing two in the afternoon. Not used to sleeping so late or for so long, Eren bounded out of bed, thinking at first that he was late to work before realizing it was only Sunday. Relaxing a moment as he stood in his hallway, scratching lazily at his bare belly, Eren contemplated what he wanted to do with the rest of his day. Rose, Maria and Sina circled his legs lazily, begging loudly for food despite having an automatic dispenser available around the clock. 

 

After feeding the furry beasts and whipping up some eggs for breakfast, Eren decided a trip to the Market down the road was in order after some necessary relaxation. Dressed in comfortable sweatpants and a fitted t-shirt after a lazy shower, Eren situated himself in front of the television to begin binge watching a new series he had been recommended. 

 

A few hours later, Eren woke with a start, realizing he had fallen asleep again, Netflix flashing on the TV asking if he was still there. Letting out a chuckle before switching off the unit, Eren hoisted himself off the couch and began tidying up the mess he had made the night before. Memories slowly made their way back to the front of his mind as he puttered about the apartment, causing him to blush as a warm glow took up residence in his chest. It had been a long time since he had been as genuinely happy as he had been last night, surrounded by people who treated him with respect and kindness, who regarded his ideas with interest and accepted him for his quirks. 

 

Once his chores were complete, Eren slipped on his shoes and made his way six blocks to the store, bouncing from aisle to aisle picking out his favorite ingredients. Not half an hour later, he was headed home, the sun having set early due to the season. 

 

Eren smiled, swinging the bag of fresh vegetables that he was to use for dinner. He shook his head lightly, remembering how often he had rushed every errand in the past, knowing that Jean would put up a fuss if he stopped anywhere on the way home from work, but wishing he could stop at the market for something fresh to add to dinner. He had always loved to cook, but Jean kept them on such a strict grocery budget that it had been difficult to buy fresh ingredients frequently. It had gotten to such a point late in their relationship that Jean, wanting to have enough money in the budget to purchase collectibles and subscriptions, tightening the budget in other areas to accommodate it, that Eren had to fight for the few extra dollars a week he needed to have ingredients for breakfast, despite the reasonable living they both made. 

 

Eren’s steps faltered, recalling the tears he had shed trying to explain to Jean that he couldn’t go to work on an empty stomach. Jean had been furious, not understanding why Eren needed breakfast when he himself never ate until lunch. Eren had been so confused, citing scientific articles and information about the importance of breakfast and well balanced eating, but Jean had simply stated that Eren didn’t really need it, but he’d give him an extra five dollars per week in the grocery budget to buy some eggs and tea. 

 

Eren sighed, looking back to the groceries in his hand, adjusting his grip and raising his chin confidently, nodding his head in reassurance that he was allowed to budget to his own needs now, excited to make his way home and try a new recipe that Jean had never had interest in. His eyes flitted to the side, seeing an odd movement on the other side of the road, a man making his way across, straight towards him. 

 

"Hi Eren," the man said once he had approached and stood in front of Eren, voice low, quiet, and on edge. 

 

Eren blinked, eyes adjusting to the dim light of the street then widening in fear and worry. Dropping the bag of groceries, Eren’s hand went to his phone, ready to dial Mikassa or Armin should he need a quick escape. Eren cleared his throat, voice raspy with the inner turmoil of fight or flight raging through him, "Jean?"


	11. Stay

“Hey Eren,” Jean said, taking a step closer to the startled brunette, “It’s been a while.”

“Y-Yeah,” Eren stuttered, cursing himself for returning to his meek persona so quickly in front of the other man. 

“I couldn’t sign the final papers until I saw you again. I know we just finally reached an agreement, but I couldn’t let you go just yet,” Jean said, voice firm and unwavering but still calm. Eren felt his body betray him and start relaxing under the once familiar tone. 

Eren cleared his throat, attempting to decide between staying in the middle of the darkening sidewalk with the man he had grown to fear, or continuing on towards his home and risking the possible consequences of allowing the other man into his safe haven. 

“Do you think,” Jean began, before Eren had come to a final decision, “do you think I could see the cats one more time, too? I just want to say goodbye.”

Eren’s heart sank at the lonely tone of Jean’s voice, knowing that it was hopeless to resist his desire to still make his husband happy even after everything that had transpired. 

“Sure. Of course,” He nearly whispered, and turned to begin leading the way back to the apartment. His mind was awash with nerves, hoping against hope that he was making the right decision, unwilling to bend to Jean’s will any longer but still recognizing the way he was letting the man slip through his boundaries. 

“I was going to make a new recipe,” Eren began, attempting to fill the awkward silence that had begun to blanket the pair. “I’m not sure you’ll like it though,” he murmured, nearly as an afterthought.

“You are making it, so I’m sure I’ll love it,” Jean responded quickly, voice full of admiration and longing. 

Eren nearly choked on the air he had inhaled, so unused to hearing such kind words from his husband. A warmth blossomed on his cheeks as he ducked his head to hide the blush, unwilling to allow Jean to see the effect he still had on the brunette. 

Jean was as observant as always it seemed, however, as Eren saw a small smile curve the other man’s lips as he watched Eren’s reaction. Seemingly taking Eren’s fluster as further invitation, Jean continued, “You always were such a fantastic cook. I miss your cooking. I haven’t really been eating well. I can’t bring myself to go into the kitchen yet. You always looked so beautiful when you cooked, dancing around, putting so much love into every dish. I know I’ll never be able to cook as well as you did.”

Eren was thankful he had already reached for the door of his apartment building, as it provided him with the support he needed to steady himself. He turned to Jean, mouth agape at the words spilling from a mouth that had previously delivered such pain. Eren cleared his throat, hands on autopilot as he unlocked the door and held it for Jean, who entered the building with a nod, eagerly awaiting some reaction from the brunette. 

“T—Thank you,” Eren stuttered as he closed the door and headed towards the stairs, the habitual practice of climbing to his apartment rather than taking the elevator ingrained in his routine from the early days of his independence. Climbing had served as a meditation: the counting of the steps, the slight labor of his breath as he reached the third floor, each movement served to ground him in the moment during a time when anxiety threatened to cloud is mind. This time was no different. He sought out the comfort of the familiar practice, thankful that Jean did not attempt to continue the conversation due to the narrow quarters of the stairwell. 

Once the pair reached the top, Eren quirked a brow as Jean seemed to take the lead, just a few steps in front of Eren but clearly familiar with where he was going. Eren blinked as Jean paused at his apartment door as if he had been there a hundred times before, eagerly waiting for Eren to grant him entry. Eren blinked slowly, trying to put the puzzle pieces together to determine how Jean knew his address, his previous anxieties flooding back before he stamped them down in favor of resigning himself to allowing Jean into his abode. If the man already knew where he lived, a few moments inside wouldn’t do any additional harm. 

Upon entering, Eren set to work putting away the groceries and putting together dinner. He eyed the ingredients, lamenting that he had only bought enough for a serving for dinner with leftovers for a lunch and thus would need to find another option during work the next day. As Eren prepared the meal, Jean began touring the small apartment, stooping to pet the cats despite their lack of interest in his presence. They reacted to him as though he were simply a passer-by, Eren allowing a small smile to grace his features at their loyalty. 

Eren’s smile fell quickly as Jean began wandering further into Eren’s space, beginning to approach his bedroom without concern. “Jean,” Eren called, attempting to draw the other man’s attention away from further invading Eren’s home. “How has work been going?” He called across the living area. 

Jean paused, recognizing he had been caught snooping, and turned to venture back towards the kitchen. “It’s going ok I suppose,” Jean began, “I’m still able to get most of the projects done within the first week of the month. They bumped my salary a few months ago, something about not wanting to risk me wandering off.” Jean fiddled with some knick-knacks Eren had displayed on end table by the edge of the couch. 

Eren chuckled, “You always were great at pushing through the work quickly. You have a real gift.” 

Jean wandered into the kitchen, watching as Eren banged around pots and pans, cutting boards and mixing bowls, before setting about following the recipe. His emerald eyes didn’t miss the slight sneer from Jean in his peripheral vision when he pulled out a large salmon filet and began preparing it according to the [recipe](https://www.yellowblissroad.com/salmon-and-asparagus-foil-packets/). As Eren wrapped the parchment paper around the prepared packets, Jean walked up beside him, leaning against the counter with arms crossed yet relaxed against his chest. 

“How have _you_ been doing?” Jean asked, leaning a bit more into Eren’s personal space as the other began to shuffle together ingredients for the farro salad. 

“Things are going well,” Eren began, trying to decide how much information to share, “I’m working on a new project at work so things have been a little stressful. Mikassa and Armin have been keeping me company though, trying to make me remember to eat, you know?” 

Jean nodded along, hanging on every word and asking questions that made Eren feel as though the other man was truly interested in what he had to say. Jean had never really taken an interest in hearing about Eren’s work, regardless of how passionate the brunette was about his projects. Conversation would stop after a sentence or two, Jean too disinterested to ask follow-up questions, and Eren too concerned about Jean’s comfort to offer information unsolicited. 

As the conversation continued, Eren felt himself relax, the warmth of Jean’s voice flowing through him, lulling him into a state of calm. He felt acknowledged by the other man for the first time in a while. Jean praised his passion, his hard work and the lives he was impacting in a positive way, asked if he could be of assistance with any software interfaces they might need for the project, and even offered constructive and surprisingly helpful insight into how the project might be more successful. 

The conversation between the once happily married pair flowed as easily as it ever had in the early days of their relationship. On a joke from Eren, the conversation morphed into a lively but jovial debate about a movie that had recently drummed up some controversy in the comic book world, only to morph once again when Rose and Sina decided to join the conversation, making a home on the spare chairs at the table. Eren watched as Jean looked at the cats wistfully, his eyes calm but tinged with sadness. 

As the pair finished their final bites of food, they brought the dishes to the kitchen and began washing them together, a ritual they had shared long ago, before things had begun to disintegrate. Light brushes of fingertips as dishes were handed from one to the other and glances caught when the other thought they would not be seen, underlay the innocent routine, causing them each to blush and fidget. Flustered, Eren finished washing the last dish, handing it to Jean and pointedly ignoring the fingers that grazed his own for far more seconds than necessary and Jean’s half-lidded gaze that rested upon him, and made his way into the living room. 

“S—Stay, if you’d like,” Eren began, eyes widening at the offer that had slipped unbidden from his lips. He cleared his throat, backpedaling as quickly as possible. “For a few more minutes, I mean,” he corrected nervously. 

Jean joined him on the couch, a low chuckle reverberating in his chest at Eren’s behavior, a small glimmer of hope shining behind his eyes as he sat close to Eren who was unable to shuffle away due to the armrest. They stared at one another, Jean chewing on his bottom lip indecisively as Eren’s gaze flitted around the room in search of a new topic. 

The silence that had settled over the table was interrupted by the vibration of Eren’s phone. “Excuse me,” Eren mumbled, standing from the couch and answering the call. He hurried over to the hallway for some privacy, knowing full well he was not out of earshot of the other man but taking comfort in the minor solitude the wall granted him.

“Can’t you call them back? We are in the middle of something,” He heard Jean gripe, but seeing Levi’s name flash on the screen solidified Eren’s resolve to answer the phone, no longer willing to risk the good things in his life just to comply with Jean’s wishes. 

“Hello Levi,” Eren answered, schooling his voice to ensure none of the anxiety he was experiencing seeped through and was surprised by the slight tint of happiness his tone adopted when speaking with the other man, “What can I do for you?” 

“I know it’s quite late, and very short notice, but I had some thoughts about the project that’d I’d really like to discuss with you. I thought maybe we could catch a quick bite at Sasha’s and chat,” Levi inquired.

Eren smiled softly at how hopeful Levi’s voice sounded, his own shaky as he replied, “I really wish I could Levi, but, um, Jean stopped by. I—I just finished making us some dinner and I’m not sure when we will be done.” Eren hadn’t realized his tone was filled with such melancholy until he saw Jean stiffen in his peripheral vision, a cloud of frustration and anger seeming to descend across the other man’s face. 

“Eren,” Levi said, voice stiff and on edge, a darkness leaking into it that Eren had only ever heard once, when Levi was on the phone with another attorney who was representing the defendant in a rape trial. Levi cleared his throat, seemingly realizing the harshness of his tone at Eren’s sharp intake of breath, “Eren, are you safe?” 

It was such a small question, but so difficult to answer. He was physically safe, yes. No part of Eren believed Jean would act out physically towards him. Mentally safe, however, was another issue entirely. Eren felt a warmth blossom in his chest at Levi’s concern, the man had known him for only a few weeks and yet treated him with the care of a lifelong friend, reading him like a well-worn book. 

“Yes, I believe so. Thank you, Levi,” Eren assured, a soft smile on his face as he replied confidently, a little more grounded at hearing the raven’s voice, even if he wasn’t sharing the warmth of his physical presence. “I believe we have a meeting on Wednesday, if I’m not mistaken. I’ll see you then,” Eren concluded, a smile evident in his tone as he thought to the future with excitement. 

“Right, we do,” Levi confirmed, pausing before continuing in a slightly softer voice still laced with his earlier concern, “I know this might be a bit of an odd request, but if you could bear with me, could you just send me a text of give me a call later tonight, so I know you are ok?”

Eren let out a tiny giggle into the phone, so caught off guard by Levi’s concern and protective instincts that he couldn’t hold it back. “Of course, Levi. Thank you,” Eren said, warmth and calm laced through his voice, nearly forgetting the other man still seated on the couch. As he hung up, a soft smile curving his lips and the pink dusting his cheeks still present, he turned back towards the living room. 

Jean, at some point during the phone call, had turned in his seat to observe Eren. By the end, a deep frown had soured his features, darkness clouding his eyes and his jaw clenched tight. “I didn’t realize you would move on so quickly,” Jean growled, voice seething with jealousy and barely contained rage. 

Eren jumped, startled by the other man and particularly taken aback by his statement. Confusion swirled behind emerald eyes as Eren tried to understand what Jean’s statement had to do with anything. “What do you mean?” Eren asked, head tilted to the side in question.

“You know exactly what I mean. Who is this Levi? We haven’t even signed the final papers and already you’ve got yourself a new dick to ride? How could you do this to me? You are so selfish, so impatient. I thought, if I came to talk to you one more time, maybe you’d let me stay?” Jean nearly shouted still firmly planted in his seat but vibrating with frustration. 

Eren stood rooted to his place, no longer confused by Jean’s statement but utterly befuddled as to why Jean thought he was in a relationship. He was not surprised by the reaction however, Jean’s jealousy clear in the hurtful words that began spewing from the man’s lips. Eren hung his head, allowing Jean to berate him in favor of avoiding a more significant and possibly dangerous fight. He itched to defend himself, the last six months of independence scraping against his mind, urging him to deny Jean’s words, to fight for his right to choose and do as he pleased, but he held back, shrinking in on himself as Jean continued to berate him. 

Eren watched as Jean reveled in Eren’s display of submission. “I just wanted to have a nice evening, to spend some time together before it was all over,” Jean began, growing bolder, standing from the couch and slowly approaching the emerald-eyed brunette until he had successfully invaded Eren’s personal space without resistance. Jean placed his hand on Eren’s lower back attempting to guide Eren back to the couch.

It was that touch that did Eren in, that solidified his resolve to resist whatever Jean was attempting. He stiffened, eyes widening at the stark contrast between this contact and the one he had received from Levi the night before. The hand on his back was cold, possessive, and domineering, not a gentle suggestion, but a demand. He shivered as Jean added more pressure, nearly pushing him forward with the force. 

Eren suddenly missed the soft pressure of Levi’s hand comforting him through his anxiety. He missed the soothing voice that accompanied the contact, ushering him through the unfamiliar situation to gain reprieve amongst the stars. His breath caught, and if Jean took it to mean that Eren was affected by him, Eren made no move to correct the other man, but began moving towards the living room, avoiding sitting down while calculating how best to get Jean to leave. 

“It’s getting a bit late, Jean. I’m sorry. I have work in the morning,” Eren began, shuffling a bit closer to the door and holding out Jean’s jacket to suggest the man should leave without riling him further. 

“I should have known this would be a waste of time,” Jean growled, as he stomped towards the brunette, ripping the jacket from the other man’s hand and shoving his feet into his shoes.

“Have fun with your new little boyfriend,” Jean sneered, before walking out of the apartment and into the hall. “You’ll be hearing from my attorney,” he continued “clearly this divorce hasn’t taught you enough of a lesson if you are moving on so quickly.”

Eren watched with wide eyes as the other man turned on his heel and stormed down the hallway. As Jean rounded the corner and walked out of sight, Eren hung his head and shut the door slowly, the light click followed by a soft thud as he rested his head against the wood. He sighed, mind going foggy with the possible consequences of Jean’s statement before resigning himself to whatever the other man might throw at him. Erwin has done right by him so far, he would just have to trust that it would continue.

Making his way towards the back of the apartment, Eren slowly changed into his pajamas, grabbing his phone as he crawled into bed. His thumb hovered over Levi’s contact information, something within the brunette pulling at him to call rather than text but in the end, exhausted from the evening spent on high alert, he decided on a text.

_Thank you, Levi. He’s gone. I’ll see you Wednesday_

Eren set his phone on the nightstand, turning onto his side as darkness overtook him, his breaths evening as he slipped into slumber, the flashing of a return text going unnoticed.

_I’m glad you are safe, brat. Goodnight_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your continued support. I cannot believe the positive reception this story has received. Your feedback and appreciation never ceases to warm my heart and motivate to continue this tale.


	12. Shakespeare

“…within a month, ere yet the salt of most unrighteous tears had left the flushing in her galled eyes, she married. O most wicked speed, to post with such dexterity to incestuous sheets!…it is not nor it cannot come to good." Levi muttered to himself, head resting in his hands as they were propped on elbows atop his desk. 

 

The raven groaned, the heavy bags beneath his eyes quantifying the lack of sleep he achieved the previous evening. The cup of tea near the edge of his desk had gone cold as he tried to sort through the myriad emotions flitting through his mind. He had been up half the night after receiving Eren’s text message indicating that the brunette was safe. Levi had thought it would bring him peace, comfort that his co-worker was not in a risky situation, but instead it had only alerted him to the unusual emotions he experienced towards the younger man. 

 

The sound of a throat clearing near the entrance to his office pulled him out of his spiraling thoughts. He grunted, acknowledging the other party without raising his head from his hands. 

 

“Levi, your thespian is showing,” Erwin taunted, eyebrows raised in amusement at Levi’s scoff of a response. He made his way towards the desk, pulling up one of the comfortable chairs in front of it and sitting before taking a closer look at the raven. 

 

“So, tell me,” Erwin began, “To what do we owe the recitation of Hamlet’s second scene? I don't understand what moving too quickly into another relationship has to do with anything.” Erwin released a breathy chuckle at himself, recalling his time spent in the theater department at college with the other man a few years into their friendship. 

 

“Hear my soul speak,” Levi muttered into his hands as he shook his head lightly, “Of the very instant that I saw you, did my heart fly at your service.” 

 

Another chuckle ripped itself from Erwin as the man watched his normally stoic friend wax poetic on a topic he would have never expected from the raven haired man. Before he could respond, the tell-tale rumble of Hanji barreling down the corridor made it into the office. Levi tensed, bracing himself for impact as the woman burst into his office. Erwin grinned, bright and wide, as Hanji plopped herself into the open chair next to him. 

 

“Hello there Commander,” Hanji said, saluting Erwin in the way they had in college, when the rag-tag group of friends still referred to themselves as a squad. “Captain,” Hanji greeted as she turned to face Levi, her grin fading as she took in his disheveled and clearly sleep deprived appearance. “What’s up with him?” she inquired, glancing to Erwin before focusing her attention on the man who now had his head buried in folded arms atop his desk. 

 

“He seems to be stuck in a Shakespeare loop. I’ve already gotten _Hamlet_ and _The Tempest_. I’m just waiting on _Midsummer Night’s Dream_ at this point,” Erwin answered, returning her salute half-heartedly, concern slowly seeping across his features as Levi continued to wallow across from him. 

 

“Oh no…” Hanji nearly whispered, the gravity of the revelation urging her to keep her volume under control. 

 

“I would agree,” Erwin said under his breath so only Hanji could hear before speaking up for Levi’s benefit, “So, Levi. Are you planning on keeping us in the dark or do we get the honor of knowing where this sudden bout of theatrics has come from?” 

 

Another groan sounded from the lump atop Levi’s desk before he slowly raised his head, his expression carefully schooled back into his usual half scowl. “It’s technically none of your business, eyebrows,” Levi began, about ready to tell both of his friends to leave him alone for the rest of the day so he could wallow in self-deprecation. “But if you must know, I invited Eren to discuss a few things about the project over a bite of dinner last night,” Levi said, sighing in defeat as his eyes focused on the wall behind Erwin and Hanji. He didn’t miss the massive grin that spread across Hanji’s face, nor the raised eyebrow that disappeared into Erwin’s hairline. 

 

“Oh, Levi,” Hanji said, clapping excitedly as she bounced in her seat, “how did it go?” 

 

“It didn’t,” he responded, sighing heavily as he fought to not slump back down onto his desk. “When I called, he told me that Jean was over, and he didn’t know when they would be finished. He was so shaky when he answered the phone. I asked him if he was safe, and he said he was, but I asked him to text me once Jean left just so I’d know he was safe.” 

 

Just when Levi thought that Hanji couldn't be more energetic, the extra details made her perk up as she vaulted forward, leaning across Levi’s desk, her nose only inches from his own. “Levi!” she shouted despite her close proximity, “That’s adorable!” 

 

Despite Hanji's experience as a therapist, the underlying concern laced through Levi’s voice had seemed to slip by her in favor of her excitement. Erwin leaned forward slightly before inquiring, “Did he eventually text you, Levi? I know I haven’t shared all of the details of Eren’s case with you, as it is not my story to tell, but his. However, I believe you put the pieces together yourself. Jean was never told where Eren lives now.” 

 

“I know,” Levi said solemnly, shaking his head in concern, “I don’t know how he ended up there, just that Eren had made them dinner. He said he was safe, and he did text me a few hours later saying that Jean had left and he was ok.” 

 

Erwin visibly relaxed, joined by Hanji who had picked up on the conversation and what she had missed quickly. The two across from Levi began to contemplate their shared client’s situation before Erwin blinked quickly as if coming out of a daze, “That doesn’t explain the Shakespeare.” 

 

Both Hanji and Levi snorted at the blond before Levi dove into his explanation, “If you must know, I’m upset with myself for how I’m acting around Eren. You both know as well as I do that I don’t care about people easily,” Levi paused, a melancholy look shadowing his features for a brief moment as Hanji and Erwin nodded in assent. He continued, “Yet this brat walks in, and within a week I want him to text me to tell me he's safe? I know I don’t know everything about his case, and I shouldn’t, not until he tells me himself. But, just the thought of someone who has hurt him mentally in the past resurfacing, much less showing up _in his home_ had me pacing in my living room for hours.” 

 

“You had a right to be concerned,” Hanji responded, voice warm and kind while laced with traces of concern, “The things Eren has experienced—“ 

 

“I don’t need to know, Hanji,” Levi interrupted, putting up a hand to stop her from continuing, “At least not until he tells me himself.” Levi finished, eyes drifting to a small scratch on his desk as he picked at it distractedly with his fingernail. 

 

“That’s not all, Levi,” Erwin prodded, “you quoted Hamlet. That scene certainly isn’t about caring for someone.” 

 

“Fucking eyebrows, Hanji is supposed to be the therapist between the three of us. Why are you always trying to read my mind?” Levi grumbled before meeting the other man’s bright blue eyes. 

 

“I’m not wrong though, am I?” Erwin inquired. 

 

“No,” Levi muttered, “I’m also mad at myself for being attracted to the kid so soon after his divorce. I refuse to even think about why I care about him, much less what I should do about it so soon.” 

 

“Ah,” Erwin responded, “now it makes sense.” He chuckled before continuing, “Not to make you feel worse, but Jean is refusing to sign the papers… so the divorce hasn’t even been finalized yet.” 

 

Levi’s eyes widened as his heart sank in his chest. His stomach turned in knots as the implication of Erwin’s words sunk in. “Fucking shit, Erwin,” Levi breathed, burying his head once more in his arms. 

 

“Why did you have to go and break him, Erwin?” Hanji shouted, slapping the blond on the shoulder before leaning forward to pat Levi’s arm soothingly. “Levi,” Hanji continued, her tone calmer than Levi had heard it in quite some time, “Levi, you are such a kind soul. You haven’t done anything wrong. You said yourself that you don’t even know why you care for Eren or to what extent, so don’t try to label it just yet. Be a good partner in this project for the time being, maybe it will lead to a comfortable friendship at the least. We all know you could do with having more human contact outside of work than just the two of us.” 

 

Erwin let out a snort of agreement before focusing on Levi who had sat back up in his chair. Levi squared his shoulders and resumed his blank expression, seeming to have corralled his emotions back into the tiny box he tended to keep them tucked away in. “Eren’s a bright kid,” Erwin assured, “He got himself out of the mess he was in on his own. He’s strong, too. Give him some credit to make adult decisions for himself. Just be you and if he can stand you for the duration of the project, well then, maybe he’s a keeper and you can reassess your feelings then.” 

 

Levi nodded to his friends before he was startled by the intercom. “I have to take this,” he said, motioning a goodbye to his friends who made a quick exit before picking up the phone and diving into a rather heated conversation with an uncooperative resource. 

 

Erwin and Hanji made their way towards Erwin’s office, Hanji grabbing a few donuts from the break room before skipping to follow the taller man. Once inside, Hanji sprawled across the large chair behind the man’s desk. Mumbling around a mouthful of powdered donut, Hanji asked, “Have you ever see him like this, Erwin? He’s always so sure of himself, knowing he’s making the right call. I’ve never seen him this confused and insecure, at least not since…” Hanji trailed off, a grimace clouding her face as she recalled the only long term relationship she ever remembered Levi having. 

 

“No,” Erwin said flatly, voice tight with frustration as he too felt the flashes of anger and sadness at the memory. “That might be what’s got him so worked up, too. You know Levi doesn’t process things. He decides he will survive and just moves through it. He did it when Kenny walked out on him when he was fourteen and he did it again when…” Erwin scrunched his face, letting out a growl of frustration as he pushed through the painful memory of walking into Levi’s apartment after the raven had ignored his friends’ calls and texts for two days. The man had been propped up against a wall, sitting on the floor of the living room, silent despite his body being wracked with shivers, his hands caked with dried blood and scratches down his arm, a large bruise purpling his cheek. He had looked up at Erwin with blank eyes that had made the taller man’s gut clench even more than the scene before him. 

 

“Luckily, it’s nowhere near the same situation, Hanji,” Erwin said, drawing himself out of the unpleasant memory to focus on the papers he needed to reorganize on his desk. 

 

“Of course it isn’t,” Hanji replied, aghast at the implication, “but what I mean is that he’s beating himself up as if he’s done something wrong, when he hasn’t even done anything. Eren probably doesn’t even know the poor sap is pinning for him.” 

 

“Now that’s something I’m certain of,” Erwin chuckled, happy to be focused on something more lighthearted for the time being. “Speak of the bright-eyed devil,” Ewin said, grinning as he showed Hanji the caller ID indicating Eren was calling the office right then. As Erwin picked up the phone and greeted Eren brightly, Hanji scooted out of the office, closing the door gently and making her way back through the halls. She paused in front of Levi’s door, only to hear the raven calmly walking a client through the process of filing a civil case against her abuser. Hanji smiled, proud of her little munchkin and how much he had grown emotionally since his last relationship several years ago, despite his difficulties with opening up to others. She continued down the hall to grab a few more donuts _for the road_ before getting on the elevator.

~~

“Levi!” Eren called as he jogged across the diner, waving one hand at Levi excitedly as he grasped at his satchel strap with the other. “I’m so glad to see you!” He shouted, blushing at the forwardness of his words before grinning crookedly, hoping Levi would brush it off as friendliness. He had grown to enjoy Levi’s company over the past few weeks of discussing the project. His calm demeanor and dark humor set the brunette at ease despite the heavy topics they discussed.

 

Levi smiled softly at the brunette who was bustling towards him, messy mop of brown hair fluffing out with the wind he seemed to create with how quickly he was moving through the rows of tables towards his booth. Levi sighed in relief that Eren had finally arrive. He had spent nearly twenty minutes fidgeting in his seat while he waited for the brunette, worried and slightly annoyed by his choice of venue, outfit, and the way that single lock of hair wouldn’t stay put the way he wanted. He couldn't help but be concerned that Eren wouldn’t enjoy their meeting or feel productive enough in the environment. Levi had arrived ten minutes early for their scheduled coffee meeting, having always been told that early was on time and on time was late. Eren did not seem to have received that same upbringing however, as he rushed towards Levi. 

 

“Sorry, I’m late,” Eren said, slightly out of breath, having jogged in from his car, “My mom always says I run on Jeager time. She claims my father will be late to his own funeral.” Eren chuckled at his family’s inside joke, as he scooted into the bench across from Levi. 

 

Levi huffed a laugh, handing Eren a spare menu before taking a sip of the tea he had ordered five minutes into his wait. “Not a problem, brat,” Levi said, averting his eyes to the folder of statistics he had splayed out in front of him, not needing a menu as he only ever order the same item at Sasha’s. 

 

Eren blushed at the nickname, hiding his face behind the menu before realizing there were too many options to choose from. He had sampled nearly everything from his friend’s restaurant and still could never decide what he wanted to eat. He opted to follow Levi’s lead, excited when the other man ordered the avocado with egg and honey on an English muffin. It was one of his favorites and he smiled at the realization that their taste in food was similar. It would make locations for lunch meetings that much easier to choose. 

 

“Ok, Eren,” Levi began, and Eren bit his lip at the sound his name made rolling off the other man’s tongue. Levi didn’t seem to notice Eren’s reaction as he began to shuffle papers about before turning them, so they were no longer upside down to the younger man, “As you can see, the largest population we work with in my department are women who have succeeded in pressing criminal charges against their abuser, but now cannot survive monetarily and thus begin a civil case for damages.” Levi paused, looking up to watch Eren’s reaction as the brunette nodded along, recognizing the similarities with his own clients. 

 

“I believe where services are most necessary and where we can have the most impact is two-fold,” Levi began. He took a breath and continued, “First, these clients need case management services for finding employment and getting back into society. Second, the clients that have not yet pressed charges, or are in the middle of pressing charges, need our support to know their rights and their options, as well as to start the process of reclamation sooner.” 

 

Eren nodded along, wholly engrossed in the way Levi spoke with both passion and focus on the task at hand. He couldn’t reconcile the detached way Levi laid out the plans with the clear care and concern he had for the population he worked with. He tilted his head, slipping into habits from work, watching Levi’s body language more than the words escaping his mouth. He caught the twinge that creased the corner of Levi’s mouth whenever he mentioned an abuser, the way his eyes softened when he spoke of a particularly difficult case and the state the client had come to him in, and finally, the way his eyes turned to steel and fire when he made any mention of emotional abuse. 

 

“I don’t mean to be forward,” Eren said, fidgeting in his seat, nervous of Levi’s reaction to the words that were about to spill from his mouth, as Levi raised a questioning eyebrow. “You have a story, don’t you?” he nearly whispered. 

 

He knew he hadn’t articulated the question clearly, that Levi would answer that yes, of course he had a story, everyone did; but, Levi had seemingly read into the question much more accurately than Eren had anticipated. “Yeah, kid,” he answered, voice low and calm, albeit a bit cold, “but, as cliché as it might sound, it’s a story for another day.” 

 

Eren nodded, knowing not to push and settling for taking the first bite of his breakfast, as the waitress had arrived at that precise moment. As they dug in, their conversation moved towards much lighter topics, uplifted by the good food and cheery atmosphere of the diner. As they paid the tab and exited the restaurant, exchanging 'thank you’s' and scheduling their next meeting, Eren felt a tug, deep in his chest. Something had shifted. They were no longer from two separate worlds, a therapist and a lawyer. They were two people, acknowledging an unspoken connection over shared experiences, who were motivated towards a common cause to help others in ways they themselves had not had the benefit of experiencing. 

 

Before Levi turned to make his way towards his car, parked on the opposite side of the lot as Eren’s, Eren acted without thinking, wrapping Levi in a quick and light hug, not enough pressure to be considered intimate but enough tactile sensation for Eren to communicate his appreciation for their shared experiences. Before Levi could respond, Eren was bounding away towards his car, shouting an excited “Goodbye, Levi. See you later” over his shoulder. Levi was left stunned in the parking lot, staring after the bright-eyed boy who had somehow cracked through the shell that had surrounded his heart for so many years. He felt his cheeks warm, his hand coming up to touch the burning skin, fingertips brushing over the uplifted corner of his mouth as he realized he was grinning like a star-struck school girl. Levi huffed, turning on his heel and heading towards his car, shaking his head and telling himself ‘Wisely and slow. They stumble that run fast.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for your continued support. Your comments bring me life. Just the knowledge of how many people have read my work and the kudos you all have left for me has left me speechless and humbled. Thank you all. 
> 
> Should you have any questions or concerns, feel free to leave a comment or reach out on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/eveningstargazer)
> 
> Also, yes: Levi's final quote is from _Romeo and Juliet_ Act 2 Scene 3


	13. Sign

“Are you kidding me?” Eren asked through fits of giggles. The brunette stared with wide eyes at the raven-haired man in front of him, “You mean to tell me that you actually challenged Robin Hood to a duel?” Eren continued once he had finally caught his breath over his gasps. His arms hugged his torso in an attempt to calm himself, but another fit of giggles broke through unbidden. 

 

“Well,” Levi huffed, “I mean it was a fake Robin Hood dressed up for the Renaissance Faire, but yes, essentially. I blame the heckler though.” Levi crossed his arms over his chest, huffing like a petulant child which only caused the beautiful brunette across from him to smile wider. Levi felt the dusting of pink begin to form across his cheeks as he was swept away by the vision of an elated Eren. Levi ducked his head to prevent the other man from seeing his blush and continued to grumble to himself, yet still thankful for the events earlier that morning. 

 

Eren had gotten his meeting time with Erwin mixed up, arriving at the firm’s office over an hour early. Levi had passed him in the waiting room on his way to lunch, asking the enthralling young man to join him at Sasha’s for a quick bite. Eren had accepted enthusiastically, having not been looking forward to such a long wait without something to distract him, hoping to avoid simply playing on his phone for such an extended period of time. 

 

The pair was now seated in a quiet booth at the back of Sasha’s, nearly two months after their first lunch meeting. Eren grinned, looking around quickly to confirm his suspicions before asking the man in front of him, “Is this your favorite booth, Levi?” 

 

Eren watched as another blush spread across Levi’s nose and made its way across his cheeks. The brunette was struck by the way the color contrasted so beautifully with the scowl that resided below it. He felt the sudden urge to brush back the lock of hair that had fallen in front of Levi’s eyes, but stopped himself by clasping his hands around the mug of tea in front of him. 

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Levi responded, nearly turning his nose up at Eren in dissatisfaction at the accusatory question. 

 

“Levi,” Eren drawled, amusement at Levi’s antics clear in his voice, “this is the fourth time we’ve come to Sasha’s in the span of two months. We have never, and I mean _never_ sat at any other booth, regardless of how empty the rest of the restaurant is.” 

 

Eren nodded to himself as he finished stating his theory, confident that he had read the situation correctly and excited to have one more thing he could tease the raven about beyond his stature, obsession with tea, and incredible hygiene standards. 

 

As Eren waited for the shock to fall from Levi’s typically stoic face, he found himself cataloging the various quirks he had learned about the man before him. He smiled as he recalled the way Levi had grumbled about “unhygienic brats” when he caught Eren chewing on a pen during one of their meetings, and the way the shorter man had to stretch on his tip-toes to reach the tea that Hanji seemed to always “accidentally” place on the top shelf. Eren had offered to reach it every time, but Levi had just scowled, continuing to grumble about “tall-as-a-tree brats” the entire time he stretched and balanced, fingertips barely brushing the box of tea until if finally fell over the edge of the shelf. 

 

Eren had caught himself, more often than not, simply observing Levi, absorbing every twitch of his brow, every quirk of his lips, even the way his fingers traced the words quickly as he skimmed through the documents they were tasked with preparing as their joint project was getting under way. In the two months since they had met that first time for lunch, nearly three months since Eren had first laid eyes on the older man, Eren had grown more comfortable around Levi than he could ever recall being around Jean, despite their long history together. 

 

The realization hit him, fear and anxiety creeping into the bright spots of his mind that had previously been filled with musings about Levi. He was startled from his thoughts when he saw a pale, slender hand slide across the table tentatively and tap at his hand gently to gain his attention. He looked up and met Levi’s curious stare, the raven’s head tilted just barely to the side in question. 

 

“I—I’m sorry,” Eren stuttered, trying to blink away the anxiety that had started to bubble to the surface. 

 

“It’s ok,” Levi said flatly, although the tiny twitch at the corner of his mouth betrayed far more than the lack of intonation in his voice. 

 

“I was just saying,” Levi began, before drawing his hand back quickly, realizing the tips of his fingers were still barely brushing against the side of Eren’s hand where it rested atop the table from when he had regained the brunette’s attention. 

 

Levi cleared his throat, willing down another blush and clasping his hands tightly in front of him before continuing, “I was explaining that patterns keep me grounded. I like not having to think about things, so I always sit at the same booth; I typically order the same meal unless I am craving something particular, I often wear the same thing with a few details changed per day, et cetera. It means I have more room left in my head for important decisions rather than wasting resources on menial choices.” 

 

Eren smiled, bright white teeth peeking between petal pink lips as he regarded Levi across the table, his earlier anxiety forgotten in favor of admiring the practicality and discipline of the man in front of him. “And yet, despite this controlled demeanor,” Eren teased, flourishing his hand in the direction of Levi’s general vicinity, “You will allow a heckler at a Renaissance Faire to con you into all out warfare with Robin Hood.” 

 

Levi huffed, but amusement and mischief shone in his eyes, “I have my off days like anyone else.” 

 

The conversation flowed smoothly after that, their meals arriving and the swiftly filling bellies lulling them into quiet quips and comfortable banter. Levi was quick to share stories of his college days with Eren, recalling a time when he was less up-tight and had time to enjoy life a good bit more than he did at his current place in life. Eren, for his part, listened intently, adding anecdotes here and there but largely content to learn more about the man that had intrigued him from the moment they laid eyes on one another. Before they realized how much time had passed, and far before they had hoped, Eren’s phone lit up with a message from Erwin, reminding him that his appointment had actually started ten minutes prior. 

 

“We better get back before eyebrows has both our heads,” Levi grumbled, throwing a few bills on the table without thought and gathering his things to head out the door. He was halfway across the diner before he realized Eren was still back at the table, the brunette staring down at the bills on the table, nervously shifting his weight back and forth before turning on his heels and following after Levi. The raven quirked his brow, then sighed in understanding when he saw Eren fumbling for his wallet. 

 

“Don’t you dare,” Levi said calmly, “I’m the one that asked you to lunch. It’s only fair I pay. Besides, you’re a pretty cheap date it seems.” Levi blanched when he realized what he had said, stuttering a backpedaling in his mind immediately, trying to find a way to ensure Eren didn’t misinterpret his words or his intentions. “I—I didn’t mean. I mean it’s not that I thought we—“ 

 

Levi’s eyes widened in defeat until he felt Eren’s warm palm pat between his shoulder blades as they continued walking down the street. The easy smile on Eren’s face and the calm in his eyes soothed Levi’s nerves before Eren finally spoke up, “I know Levi, don’t worry. Thank you for lunch. I had a great time.” 

 

Levi nodded once before they continued into the office building, the comfortable silence blanketing them as they rode the elevator, quiet works of thanks exchanged before Eren headed into Erwin’s office and Levi made his way to his own. 

 

Levi sat at his desk, hands fisted in his hair as he rested his elbows on his desk, attempting to calm the odd fluttering in his gut and to will away the slight headache building behind his eyes at the same time. He was thankful that Eren had not misinterpreted his joke, although he recognized that on some level, a part of him wished it truly had been a date. Levi bit his lip at the thought, punishing himself for wishing for something that simply could not happen, at least not for some time. He kicked his foot against the inside of his desk, wincing when the action stubbed his toe and accepting it as punishment for getting ahead of himself again. 

 

He had to give Eren time, ensure that the brunette was comfortable with him, trusted him, and could rely on him as a friend, before even attempting to discuss wanting something more. Levi shuddered at the prospect of Eren rejecting him, but recognized he would always be there for the brunette. Even if that meant being resigned to the status of a friend, Levi knew he would be the best he could be for the man that had stolen his thoughts since he first laid eyes on him.

~~~

“Erwin, I—I don’t understand…” Eren stuttered, sinking further back into the plush chair in front of the tall blonde’s desk.

 

“I finally received a call back from Jean’s attorney,” Erwin began slowly, standing from his chair and circling his desk to take the seat next to Eren. The taller man leaned towards Eren, concern laced through his voice as he continued, “He informed me that if we do not adjust the settlement to an additional twenty percent to Jean, they will petition for damages due to emotional distress.” 

 

“But I don’t understand what I’ve done,” Eren whispered, a grimace pulling at his lips as he thought back to the few interactions he had had with his husband since filing the divorce 8 months ago. 

 

“I need you to know, Eren, they don’t have a basis for these threats," Erwin said, placing a comforting hand atop Eren’s clasped ones. Erwin ducked his head in an attempt to catch the brunette’s eyes which were hidden behind his fringe as he hung his head between his shoulders. 

 

“We've been through this once before, Eren. He refused to sign the paperwork months ago, convinced that he could win you back by simply ignoring what was happening," Erwin said, sighing as he ran a hand through his perfectly kept blonde hair. "In this state, you only get that one chance to refuse and contest. Once that judge agreed to the terms we negotiated in court, Jean and his attorney would have had to have proven there was new evidence that would change the outcome of the settlement," Erwin paused, catching Eren's gaze as the brunette shifted nervously in his seat concern evident in the way Eren couldn't seem to get comfortable. 

 

"I know it seems like there won't be an end to this," Erwin began again, attempting to be as clear and concise with the distraught brunette as possible, "but as per our last conversation, I already went back to the judge and proved that they have no leg to stand on. The settlement stays. At this point, he would have to file a lawsuit for damages caused by intentional emotional distress. Essentially, he would have to prove ‘outrageous’ behavior on your part to get any traction,” Erwin continued, attempting to maintain a comforting tone to his voice. He noticed however, the hitch in Eren’s breath and the slight tremble of his shoulders. 

 

“You don’t understand, Erwin. Jean’s good at this stuff. He can convince anyone of practically anything. He’s been doing it to me for nearly a decade. I’m sure somewhere along the way he has proof of some ‘outrageous behavior’ on my part. I won’t be able to escape. Just…just give him the extra, Erwin,” Eren whispered, a defeated sigh slipping unbidden from his lips. 

 

“You are my client, Eren,” Erwin said, straightening up in his chair and steepling his fingertips as his elbows rested on his thighs. “It is my job to help you through situations exactly like this. I advise against giving in. The divorce has to go through with the current agreement anyway, the judge has already approved it. You don’t need his signature. As soon as you sign those documents on my desk, you will be officially divorced,” Erwin stated, waving a hand towards the small stack of papers neatly organized near the front of his desk. 

 

Eren’s eyes widened, his head lifting to meet Erwin’s gaze, the watery emerald eyes flicking between Erwin and the papers. “O—Ok,” Eren whispered, and then continued in a much firmer voice, “One step at a time, right?” 

 

“Exactly,” Erwin said, clapping Eren on the back as he stood and moved to retrieve the paperwork and a pen. “We start here, then. If Jean does decide to make a move, we cross that bridge when we come to it,” Erwin concluded, handing Eren the stack of papers, the pen, and pulling the small table around for Eren to sign more comfortably. 

 

“Right,” Eren said, nodding to himself in reassurance, “We’ve got this.” With that and a small flourish of his wrist Eren committed his signature to the documents, formally ending his marriage to Jean. The moment settled on him slowly. Eren blinked as he lifted the pen from the paper, reading over his signature time and again, comprehension slowly dawning on him as he re-read the final statement. 

 

_On the twenty first day of July in the year 2018 before me, the undersigned, personally appeared Eren Jeager , personally known to me Erwin Smith or proved to me on the basis of satisfactory evidence to be the individual(s) whose name(s) is (are) subscribed to the within instrument and acknowledged to me that he executed the same in his), and that by his signature(s) on the instrument, the individual(s), or the person upon behalf of which the individual(s) acted, executed the instrument to finalized the divorce of Eren Jeager and Jean Kirstein._

 

Eren felt his chest tighten, the tell-tale signs of a panic attack creeping up on him. He couldn’t understand why something that should bring him happiness was triggering an attack. He took a breath, thanking Erwin quietly before standing and walking towards the elevators. Another pain shot through his chest, so sudden that Eren was forced to brace himself against the doorframe of the staff lounge. Hoping to avoid a collapse in the middle of the office, Eren maneuvered himself to a chair, sinking into it and hanging his head between his legs. He gripped his hands together, thumb and pointer finger of his right hand rubbing the pressure point beneath the thumb of his left. 

 

Eren could hear his breath hitching, the rattle in his chest as his lungs fought to fill with air. He saw the room shaking as the small tremors wracked his body, but he could feel none of it. He could feel nothing at all, until suddenly, he felt warmth. Eren blinked, head still hung between his legs as he felt firm pressure on his back, the warmth and pressure gliding up his spine. Then he heard the scrape of a chair moving across the tiles; he saw the tips of perfectly polished dress shoes contrasting the bright white of the flooring. Suddenly, Levi’s soft and gentle voice finally made his through his haze. 

 

“Eren,” Levi was saying, voice quiet and soft with a nearly imperceptible tone of concern underlying the comfort Eren found there. 

 

“Eren,” the raven continued, his voice remaining steady, “Eren, are you ok? I think you are having a panic attack. Can you walk? I’d like to get you to my office. I have a couch in there you can lie down on.” Levi made a move to help Eren stand after the brunette nodded in agreement. The brunette focused on the strong arm that looped around his waist, the warmth seeping from Levi as he was pressed against his side, the cool fingers that wrapped around his other arm to guide him safely a few doors down the hall. 

 

In moments, the pair were seated on the soft couch in Levi’s office. Without conscious thought, Levi ran his fingertips up Eren’s spine soothingly, finally ending with his hand lightly cupping the back of Eren’s head. 

 

“Would you like to lie down?” Levi asked, fingertips rubbing soothing circles in the back of Eren’s skull. Eren leaned back into the touch before shaking his head minutely. 

 

“Can—can you stay here please?” Eren asked, voice wavering in uncertainty with having to ask for help. He had tried so hard to stay strong, to process through things in his own way so as not to rush himself and end up bottling everything down. It had taken its toll these last few months and it seemed the conclusion, while rather anti-climactic considering how difficult the process itself had been, had been the final straw. 

 

Levi nodded, the hand in Eren’s hair slipping to his other shoulder as he pulled the brunette against him slightly. He wanted to ensure Eren had every opportunity to move away, to be comforted by simple presence rather than touch, but the brunette responded to every new sensation. As Levi squeezed his shoulder to shift Eren against his chest, the brunette’s breath began to even out. Levi felt the muscles under his hand relax. He smiled to himself, happy to have a positive effect on Eren, but still concerned there might be an invisible line he was crossing. 

 

“I signed the papers,” Eren began, his eyes shifting to meet Levi’s as he watched the realization dawn in the silver pools. “I’m officially divorced,” Eren concluded with a humorless chuckle, “It’s over.” 

 

Levi stiffened beneath Eren, suddenly acutely aware of the implications of the brunette’s words. He felt the surge of fear as he realized the poor timing of their current closeness and made to shift himself over on the couch so he had less direct contact with the brunette. Eren whined softly, scooting back towards the raven. 

 

“Stop moving,” Eren grumbled before laying his head against Levi’s shoulder. “I never told you this,” Eren began again, voice soft and timid, “but the reason Jean dragged this out so much longer was because he thought I was rebounding with you. He heard me talking to you that night, the night he came over when you asked if we could catch a bite to eat. He asked how I could find a dick to ride before we were even divorced.” 

 

Levi closed his eyes, happy that Eren couldn’t see the angry yet concerned look on his face that he had difficulty schooling back into his usual neutral expression. “I’m so sorry, Eren,” Levi began hesitantly, “ I didn’t mean to make things more difficult for you. We barely knew each other at that point.” 

 

“Oh hush,” Eren said, patting Levi’s hand which still rested on his shoulder, leaving his hand resting atop the raven’s, “You have been nothing but kind, thoughtful and supportive to me throughout this entire thing.” Eren said as he let out a soft sigh, “You’re a good friend, Levi.” 

 

Levi quietly let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. For the second time in the span of just a few minutes, he was thankful Eren couldn’t see his face. Levi blinked slowly, willing his face to shed the heartbroken frown as he bit his lip, realizing he wished he could hear a very different title from Eren’s lips instead. Once he had regained his composure, he squeezed the brunette’s shoulder one last time before sighing, “So are you, brat. So are you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for your continued support. Your comments and kudos feed my soul.
> 
> Should you have any questions or concerns, feel free to leave a comment or reach out on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/eveningstargazer)


	14. Breathe

Eren smiled, watching the way Sina wrapped his long tail around Maria and they spooned on the arm chair. His chair had been stolen almost as soon as he had risen from it to fix himself another cup of tea. The last week had been a rollercoaster, leaving him reeling and on edge but still with an odd sense of warmth in his core. The finality of his divorce had hit him with the effects of both grief and elation, causing a tumultuous whirlwind within him, leaving him in tears at times and wide-eyed surprise at others. 

 

A small smile spread across Eren’s face as he watched Sina nuzzle his head under Maria’s chin, recalling the skill and comfort with which Levi had helped him through his panic attack at the firm. Eren was embarrassed at first, concerned that he would look weak for crying over something that should be positive, but Levi had been so gentle and calm, so understanding of what Eren was going through. 

 

Eren sighed, eyes closing for a brief moment as he recalled the warmth seeping into his body from being pressed against the other man a week prior. They had stayed like that for nearly an hour before Eren stirred. Only then did he realize he must have fallen asleep due to the exhaustion brought on by both the attack and the relief that there was finally a conclusion to the last year of struggle. 

 

Levi had kept perfectly still the entire time with the exception of a hand soothingly caressing up and down Eren’s arm. The raven hadn’t seemed to notice Eren had awoken and was staring, unfocused, at the back wall of his office, his fingertips still leaving light trails of warmth on Eren’s arm. Eren watched him for several minutes, the lazy way he blinked, the smooth contours of his cheekbones, the light but steady rise and fall of his chest beneath Eren’s hand. Seeming to sense he was being watched, Levi finally looked down at the brunette whose head was still perched comfortably on his shoulder. 

 

“Hey, brat,” Levi whispered, the most honest and gentle smile Eren had ever seen gracing his lips. Levi was beautiful. The setting sun sent a ray through the office window that outlined Levi in a soft glow that made him look so ethereal that Eren’s breath caught in his throat. His hand, still resting on Levi’s chest, clinched into the fabric beneath it, ripping him from basking in the beauty before him and grounding him in the moment. 

 

“Hey,” Eren whispered in return after regaining his composure. He rose slowly back to a sitting position, feeling Levi’s chest still with a held breath as his fingertips brushed across it as he withdrew his hand. 

 

Eren jolted when he heard a loud meow from his right, Rose having jumped onto the couch griping about the lack of attention she was receiving while Eren was lost in his reverie. He scratched her head, humming at the purr he received as a reward before looking at the clock and noting it was time to get ready for game night. 

 

It had been difficult for Eren to have time with his friends when he was with Jean. When Eren, Mikassa, and Armin were growing up, every Friday night would be game night. They would switch off whose house they were going to every week and whoever was hosting would cook the most outrageous dish they could think of. Tonight would be Eren’s first night to host in nearly a year. 

 

As his relationship with Jean deteriorated, the man refused to allow the game nights to continue. It had been one of their most significant fights up to that point. Eren had tried to understand Jean’s angry and hurtful assumption that Eren was pushing him away and didn’t want to spend any time with him. Eren had done his best to stay calm, but Jean’s rising emotions at Eren’s assertion that he should be allowed to see his friends more often had prevented him from fighting any further. Eren had backed down, a behavior he despised considering how headstrong and stubborn he was. He had been so tired and so drained of any will to fight for having his own needs met so long as Jean was happy and calm. 

 

Eren stood, dislodging Rose from where she had been kneading at his sweatpants and moved towards the kitchen. He was excited for the meal he was going to prepare. He had found a local butcher near his apartment which had more cuts of meat that he knew what to do with at reasonable prices. The owner, an older man with a balding head and cheerful eyes, had been handing out samples of tripe for the customers when Eren had first visited a few days previous. Curious, and knowing he had yet to choose his dish for game night, Eren had tried it and been surprised at the burst of flavor he was met with. After a lengthy conversation about different cooking styles, Eren had left with several bags laden with ingredients for the dish and a scrawled recipe that had supposedly been passed down through the generations. 

 

Eren hummed as he began to chop the carrots and onions, moving on to slice the tripe and place it in the pot of water that had come to a boil as he diced. As the scent of the dish began to permeate the apartment, Eren heard a firm knock on his door that he recognized as Mikassa’s. Wiping his hands on his frilly black and white apron, a gift from his mother upon moving in, he made his way to the door, smiling brightly as he was pounced on by Armin, and hugged tightly by Mikassa. 

 

After excited greetings and moments basking in one another’s presence, the trio made their way into the kitchen. Eren stirred the tomato sauce, checking the beans to ensure they were ready to be added when the time came. As Mikassa began setting the table, Armin stood at Eren’s elbow, watching the dish come together and taking in the aromas wafting from the pot. 

 

“So what did you decide on for us tonight, Eren?” Armin inquired, trying to steal some fried-off pancetta before he was swatted away by Eren. 

 

“I met the butcher at Trost’s yesterday. It’s that shop a few blocks down and the owner, Pixis, had me sample this thing called Tripe. When I told him how good it was, he was so excited I enjoyed it he sent me home with all the ingredients for an absolute steal,” Eren beamed as he recounted the story, excited for the dish and warmed by the friendliness he had experienced in his new neighborhood thus far. 

 

“Eren?” Armin asked, his face turning a paler shade than usual as his eyes widened, “You realize tripe is stomach lining, right?” 

 

Eren paused, cocking his head to the side in confusion before realization hit him. “Oh,” Eren said as he blinked down into the pot, giving it another stir and chewing on his lip in concern. Before he realized she was moving, Mikassa had joined the pair in front of the stove, poking at the contents of the pot with the spoon. 

 

“Well,” Mikassa began, “It smells fantastic, and I have yet to try one of your crazy dishes that I didn’t like, so who knows. Besides, we have to get pizza practically every time it’s Armin’s turn to cook anyway, so that’s the worst case scenario.” 

 

Eren broke out in peals of laughter as Armin crossed his arms and huffed indignantly, desperately trying to hide his amusement at Mikassa’s words. The atmosphere quickly lightened as Eren finished the dish and plated the food, Armin and Mikassa carrying the bread, butter, wine, and bowls towards the table as Eren cleaned the kitchen quickly. 

 

As the trio sat down, Eren took a deep breath and tested the first bite. It was tradition: whoever cooked the outlandish meal had to try it first and determine if enactment of the pizza clause was required. Eren chewed, closing his eyes as the sharp bite of the tomatoes and the spongy texture of the tripe hit his tongue. He expected to have issues with the texture, but was pleasantly surprised at how well the different elements of the recipe worked together. After a frim nod and a brilliant grin of excitement from Eren, Armin and Mikassa began eagerly digging into the meal as well. 

 

The apartment was quiet except for the sharp clang of utensils against the china and the muffled sounds of appreciation from the trio. Eren was thrilled, excited to see his best friends enjoying the fruits of his labor. He sank back in his chair after polishing off the last bite, appreciating the freedom he was allotted in this moment. He was thankful for the relative ease with which his life was falling back into place after the divorce. 

 

He watched as Mikassa and Armin finished their meals. He had missed them so much while he was under Jean’s thumb. Even once the divorce was in motion, Eren found it difficult to settle his nerves enough to invite anyone over. They had tried a few hang outs, a few mornings out, or a dinner shared at Sasha’s, but each time Eren had felt compelled to return home, even though no one but the cats were waiting. It had taken him several months to not be ruled by the belief he needed to rush home to Jean or face an in-depth conversation about spending too much time away from home. The trio had finally decided that a game night in Eren’s home would be best, a comfortable and now familiar environment easing him into being more social again. 

 

“Eren,” Armin said softly, after swallowing his final mouthful and resting his fork and knife back on his plate. “You and Levi seem to be getting along very well,” he said with a small smile before continuing, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen him be so nice to someone before, not even Erwin or Hanji.” Armin chuckled and grinned wider as Eren blushed at the comment. 

 

Across the table, Mikassa bristled before she turned to Eren with a frown, “Who’s Levi?” 

 

Eren flinched at her tone before sitting up straighter and leveling her with an equally threatening glare, “I’ve told you, ‘Kassa. Levi is the other partner in Erwin’s firm; he is the one I’ve worked with on the new service program we are putting together. He’s actually the one that suggested the idea about the concealed safety alert device.” 

 

“I don’t like him,” Mikassa continued, turning her intense glare to Armin, “Why haven’t you put a stop to this?” she asked as the small blonde watched the exchange in confusion. 

 

Eren sighed, standing to gather the dishes and move them to the kitchen, talking over the noise as he loaded the dishwasher. “What are you talking about ‘Kassa? Armin has nothing to do with any of this. He isn’t my babysitter and you aren’t my mother. Besides, what do you have against Levi? I’ve never really told you anything about him,” Eren questioned. 

 

“Maybe that’s the issue. You always talk about everything that happens so for you to keep something close and not share it with us… it’s just odd. I don’t like it,” Mikassa admitted as she finished wiping down the table and moved into the living room. Armin followed, silently taking the games out of the bag he had brought and watching the two bicker as though there was a tennis match in front of him. 

 

After several heated exchanges, Eren finally sighed, sitting on the floor next to the coffee table and mindlessly flipping through a stack of event cards from the game Armin had laid out. “Mikassa,” he began again, trying to remain as calm as possible, "Levi has been really good to me. He has taken the time to get to know me and understand what I’ve been through without asking me for every detail of the pain I’ve experienced. He has his own history too, but I respect him enough to give him time to share that with me, when he's ready. He is a brilliant man, snarky and strong willed, but amusing to be around.” 

 

Eren shifted in his spot on the floor, smiling to himself as he recalled fond memories spent laughing in their booth at Sasha’s with Levi. “We’ve been meeting at least once a week for lunch to review progress on the project and brainstorm new ideas,” he continued, “And he always listens intently to what I have to say, like everything that comes out of my mouth is important.” 

 

“But Eren…” Mikassa began, a deep crease between her brows as she protested Eren’s description. 

 

“No, ‘Kassa,” Eren said softly, drawing strength and calm from his memories of Levi’s comforting presence, “The day I signed the final papers I had a panic attack in his office. I felt so weak, so stupid. I was supposed to be happy and instead it felt like my world was disintegrating. I could barely breathe. But then Levi came, he steadied me, dragged me back above water. He was there for me when I didn’t even know I needed him.” 

 

Eren took a deep breath, gripping at his sweatpants to remain grounded before continuing, “I stayed with him for over an hour, even had to call work to have them reschedule my next session. He let me lean against him and I was so comfortable and felt so safe that I fell asleep.” 

 

“Eren,” Mikassa began, “You can’t actually think--.” 

 

“Whatever you are going to say, Mikassa,” Eren interrupted, a dark look crossing his face, “Be very careful.” 

 

Mikassa stared him down, her frown dropping further before she broke eye contact and looked down to the floor, “I just want you to be careful. You just got out of a dangerous relationship and I don’t want you to rebound. What if he’s only being nice because he wants to get in your pants?” 

 

“Mikassa!” Armin yelled. 

 

Eren rose to his feet as his face darkened further. Mikassa’s eyes widened as she realized the boundary she had crossed. 

 

“I’m so sorry Eren. I didn’t mean for it to come out that way. I know you aren’t purposely looking for another relationship but you are an attractive and newly available young man. It’s bound to happen and I just don’t want you to get hurt,” Mikassa scrambled franticly to her feet. 

 

“Mikassa,” Armin cut in, “Levi is exactly what Eren described. He is brilliant at what he does; he is ruthless in a courtroom, but with his clients, he is a gentle and kind person. Even more so, I have never seen him be as open with someone as he is with Eren. When he comes back from their lunch meetings,” Armin paused, biting his lip as he realized he was about to reveal more than he had planned to. He caught Eren’s eye, the brunette having calmed as Armin defended Levi with him. Eren tilted his head, curious to discover what Levi’s reactions were when he was no longer around. 

 

Armin sighed, resigning himself to filling the two of them in on his observations over the last several months, “Eren, Levi really cares for you. I can tell in the way he treats you, the way he comes back blushing from your lunches together. You know as well as I do that that man rarely smiles, but it is even rarer for him to _not_ be smiling after spending time with you. I even overheard Hanji and Erwin muttering about codename ‘Bright Eyes’ and giggling after leaving Levi’s office one day." 

 

Eren was speechless. His mouth opened and closed several times before he looked back to Mikassa. Her fists were clenched at her sides and her jaw was set tight, but she didn’t make a move to comment. Eren thanked Armin, then walked over to Mikassa, taking her hands in his and trying to massage the tension out of her fists. 

 

“I know you are worried about me ‘Kassa. I’m worried too. That’s why you should know that I’ve been thinking about this for quite some time, the whole looking for romance thing. Honestly, I don’t know if I’ll even be any good at it anymore; I’m damaged goods,” Eren said, shaking his head while both she and Armin attempted to dispel that notion. 

 

“I’m not fishing for compliments guys; I’m trying to explain. I’ve been emotionally divorced for nearly a year, but only formally divorced for a week. I’m won't jump into this without having thought things through. There's still a lot holding me back. Even though I know I shouldn’t, a part of me still loves Jean. I can't start a new relationship before I'm even over my last. I can't do that to another person. Besides, I’ve had rebounds before; I’m a therapist for god’s sake, I know it’s unhealthy. “ Eren paused, releasing Mikassa’s hands and sitting back down on the couch, patting the cushions on either side in invitation for his two friends. 

 

“Levi and I,” Eren continued once they had situated, “we just fit. I don’t know what to call it, but I feel safe around him. He has never tried to push a boundary, never even implied that he wanted more. He is just there when I need him, and I hope I can be there when he needs me too.” 

 

"We just want you to be safe," Armin said and Mikassa grumbled her agreement as she tucked herself against Eren's side. 

 

“Thank you for your concern,” Eren continued, grabbing a hand from each friend and drawing them close to his heart. “You two mean the world to me and have helped me through this more than I could have ever imagined. It’s because of you that things are going as well as they are,” he said softly. 

 

Eren turned to Mikassa, squeezing her hand as he saw the almost indiscernible upturn of the corner of her lip in a smile. He turned to Armin, seeing the smaller blond frantically wiping at his eyes to stave off the tears that were quickly collecting there. He pulled them both into a hug, squeezing tightly before continuing, “I need you to trust me. I’m taking things slow in life and with Levi. Right now, I’m just re-learning how to breathe.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for your continued support. Your comments and kudos feed my soul.
> 
> Should you have any questions or concerns, feel free to leave a comment or reach out on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/eveningstargazer)


	15. In the Dark

“It’s not like you ever make me feel like sticking around, Levi,” the brunette growled, his muddy brown colored hair falling into his eyes as he stared down his nose at the shorter man. “You are always so closed off,” he continued, raising his voice and flailing his arms out, “I don’t understand why you can’t just have normal emotions. All you do is stare at me with that blank face. How am I ever supposed to know what’s going on in your head. You sure as hell don’t tell me.” The brunette stalked closer to Levi, looming over him in an attempt to intimidate the other. 

 

Levi glared at the tall form before him, standing up a little straighter and drawing his lips into a tighter line. His voice remained calm, eerily so, as he spoke slowly, “Just because I don’t yell or scream or destroy the house doesn’t mean I don’t have emotions, you bastard. If you’d taken just one second to talk to me, ask me how I’m doing, maybe you would have gotten an answer.” 

 

Levi took a step closer, pressing a slim finger to the center of the other man’s chest before continuing, “I gave everything I had to you. I trusted you, despite everything inside of me screaming against that decision. You know what’s happened to me, how hard it is for me to hand that part of myself over.” Levi’s lips curled into a disgusted sneer as he looked the other man up and down. 

 

“I thought you would be there for me,” Levi snarled, spurred on by the surprise in the other man’s gaze as he spilled his thoughts into the otherwise quiet room, “I should have known it was a lie. I should have stopped all this before I got hurt. But it’s a little late for that now isn’t it? I hope she makes you happy.” Levi’s glare never wavered, even as the palm made contact with his cheek, even as his balance tilted and he caught himself on the side table with an outstretched hand, even as he felt his heart crumbling. 

 

Levi’s eyes never left the man before him, the one who scrambled around the apartment packing up his belongings. Levi watched as pieces of his life were carried out the door, pictures smashed against the ground or torn to shreds in front of him. He watched as gifts were thrown against the hardwood floor, the shards skittering against the smooth surface. He watched as the man’s face became more red, his movements more erratic. The man, much larger than Levi, strode over, grabbed his forearms and shook him, attempting to elicit a reaction. 

 

No reaction ever came, not until the only clues to the last three years of Levi’s life were the shattered remains that littered the ground. Levi sunk down the wall he had leaned against, legs splayed out and his head hung between his shoulders. He stared at the floorboards as the memories of that afternoon flitted through his mind. The moans, coming from the bedroom he shared with his boyfriend, still rung in his ears, as did the creak of the bed they had shared for the last two years. The smell of sex and perfume had hit his nose as he walked in and closed the front door behind him. 

 

Levi gripped at his own forearms, nails digging into the cold flesh, leaving angry red scratches behind. He refused to cry, refused to let himself feel anything if only to maintain a façade of control. In the back of his mind he thought of calling Erwin or Hanji, but couldn’t seem to make his muscles move. 

 

It was early morning before Levi was able to get his feet under him again. He had sat in the same spot throughout the night, only blinking out of his state of apathy as an ornery ray of sunlight shone in his eyes. He stood, stiff muscles screaming as his joints tried to right themselves from having spent so long in one position. He made his way to the kitchen, picking up the small wastebasket before kneeling on the floor. He picked up each piece of glass individually, uncaring of the cuts opening across his fingers, ignoring the red tears that dripped from the tips. He ignored the smell of sex still heavy in the air and ignored the fact he still had yet to venture into his bedroom. 

 

When the shards were gone, a final sweep with the broom removing the last sliver, Levi looked down at his hands. The blood had dried, caking itself beneath his nails and across his palms. Any other time, he would have been disgusted, barreled towards the first aid kit and cleaned everything twice, three times, before being satisfied, but in that moment he couldn’t find it in himself to care. 

 

It was several hours later when a knock sounded on the door, a familiar voice requesting entry before Levi saw Erwin’s head peeking through the space as the blonde gently opened the door. Bright, blue eyes landed on the raven. The man was propped up against a wall, sitting with his legs splayed out before him, having finished stripping the sheets from the bed and sending them down the garbage shoot, out of sight. Levi was silent, despite his body being wracked with shivers since he had forgotten to turn the heat on the night before and the thermostat remained untouched. 

 

Erwin’s eyes widened as he took in the state of his friend. The small man’s hands were caked with dried blood and there were scratches down his arms. The blond bit back a growl when he saw the large bruise purpling Levi’s cheek. Levi looked up at Erwin with blank eyes that made the taller man’s gut clench even more than the scene before him. He strode across the room in only a few steps before kneeling next to the raven, hands hovering above each wound as if unsure what to do, thrown off by the sickening feeling he had as he tried to imagine what had reduced his normally stoic and strong willed friend to this. 

 

“I’m here, Levi,” the deep baritone of Erwin’s voice cut through the fog shrouding Levi’s mind. He blinked, quirking his head to the side, trudging through the murky thoughts swirling about as he noticed something different in the blonde’s voice. “We will get through this together. I’ve got you, Levi. Let me take care of you,” the tall man murmured. It was what Levi wanted to hear, what he had hoped to hear for so long. 

 

As he soaked up the warmth of fingers carding carefully through his hair he looked up and met the gaze of the man looking down at him fondly, an emotion far more than friendship reflected in emerald eyes. Levi blinked slowly, confusion sending his heart racing in his chest as his eyes flitted across the face before him, taking in the smooth, tan skin, soft and messy chestnut hair, and the piercing emerald eyes. 

 

“…Eren?” Levi whispered, before he felt like a drowning man who had been yanked to the surface, gasping for air. His eyes sprung open, only to be met with darkness and the familiar ceiling of his room. 

 

Levi rose from his bed, a ghost of himself, as the dream entwined with the memory worked its way through his mind. Without realizing he had gone through the motions of making tea, Levi found himself on the couch, both hands gripping his cup for warmth and comfort rather than his typically delicate way of holding it. A shiver ran down his spine as he watched the shadows around his living room, thankful that he had been able to break his lease and find a new home after the incident. 

 

Levi sighed as he saw the clock on the wall read three in the morning. He muttered to himself, concerned about staying awake for the dinner meeting he had scheduled with Eren for later that evening. In the month since Eren had finalized his divorce, the pair had transitioned from their previous lunch meetings to longer dinner conversations. They still went to Sasha’s, typically on a Wednesday or Thursday evening, and enjoyed good conversation over good food. Eren had commented before that food always helped him think, and with the progress they had made on the joint program, Levi was inclined to believe him. 

 

As his thoughts drifted to the captivating brunette, Levi sighed, sinking back into the plush cushion of the couch, clutching desperately at his teacup. This would be the first dinner meeting they had scheduled for a weekend, and Levi couldn’t help but read into it. Eren had seemed so excited when they had arranged it, happy that they would not be exhausted from a long day of work and better able to focus on the task at hand. 

 

Levi hummed to himself, a small smile gracing his lips as he pictured the sparks in Eren’s eyes as he had bounced on the balls of his feet while they discussed the agenda and arrangements. Levi had picked up on Eren’s tendency to get excited over the smallest things and to wear that excitement like a neon sign, a stark contrast to Levi’s own inability to express what he was feeling verbally, much less display it so openly. Eren was often oblivious to his own behavior, unnoticing of the light touches he would leave burning into Levi’s skin as he drew the other man’s attention, the way his eyes glittered when they lingered on Levi for moments on end, hopefulness twinkling in emerald depths as he waited for Levi’s response to a question. Eren, as a whole, was captivating, and Levi was enthralled. 

 

Levi took a deep breath, steeling himself against the phrase that had become a mantra since he guided Eren through his panic attack a month ago, a reminder that although they were not romantic partners, they were partners none the less. He could still be everything Eren needed from him, without ruining the solid foundation they had already established. 

 

The final words of thanks Eren had said, the title of ‘good friend’ had shattered the little bit of light Levi had tried to foster in his heart. It reverberated in his mind, accompanied by the burning memory of faint pressure as Eren had leaned against him. Despite the pain, Levi began to rekindle that light. It was the first time they had been so close and despite his own state, Eren had tried to make Levi feel as comfortable as possible with the situation, pulling the man closer and quelling his concern that there was any line that had been crossed. 

 

The raven smiled to himself, barely a twitch of his lip but enough movement for him to catch himself, as he recalled the calm and contentment he had seen radiate from Eren since that moment. The brunette had settled into his own since finalizing the divorce even more than he had when he first escaped his toxic relationship. The last time Levi had seen him, the young man had been glowing with such happiness Levi had felt the impulse to shield his eyes. In the back of his mind, Levi hoped that he would make Eren that happy one day, that he would be the reason Eren smiled rather than just the food they were eating. 

 

Levi scoffed at himself as he remembered his own reaction, an odd smile creeping across his face when he forgot himself. For a moment, as they had locked eyes after a particularly jovial conversation, he had thought that Eren was smiling _at him_. Eren had tilted his head in a gesture that reminded Levi of a curious cat and smiled even wider. When asked what he was staring at, Eren had simply and quietly commented that Levi had a nice smile, and he wished he could see more of it. Levi recalled blushing profusely and quickly changing the topic to something more serious, so as to distract himself from the fluttering in his gut. 

 

Breaking from his memories for the second time that morning, Levi stood, stretching, as he allowed his joints to pop back in place before making his way back to the kitchen. Although he had been up for over an hour, it was still barely dawn outside as Levi prepared to spend his day cleaning his apartment to pass the time before dinner with Eren. As he tied the bandana behind his head, and slipped the other down over his mouth, he imagined glimmering eyes cleaning right alongside him as easy banter filtered through the room.

~~~

“Levi!” Eren shouted happily from their booth as Levi trudged into Sasha’s later that evening. Levi looked up from where he had been staring at his feet, his tired eyes trailing up Eren’s body before being met with a brilliant smile and glimmering eyes. To Levi’s dismay, Eren’s smile seemed to falter as he took in the raven’s appearance. Regardless of how hard Levi had tried to disguise his lack of sleep, the darkening circles under his eyes and the pallor of his skin, he couldn’t seem to disguise it enough to fool Eren. He had hoped that his typical scowl would distract Eren from the other features, but that hope seemed to have failed as well.

 

Eren was quiet as Levi approached, his normally exuberant behavior subdued in favor of observing Levi carefully. As Levi scooted into the bench across from Eren, he winced, a barely perceptible twitch of his cheek but enough for Eren to see he was not at his best. 

 

“Levi, what’s wrong?” Eren asked, voice soft and laced with warm concern that made Levi melt further into the booth. 

 

“Nothing, Eren. I’m ok, just a little tired,” Levi said, as he shook his head harshly to dislodge the fog and re-focus on Eren. 

 

“Levi,” Eren said, reaching a hand out and lightly placing it atop Levi’s which were clasped atop the table. Levi’s eyes widened minutely at the contact before settling on Eren, a soft but tired smile forming on his lips. Levi blinked slowly, not having enough energy to move away or comment on the way Eren leaned in gently, and kept his voice soft as he continued, “Why don’t we get what we ordered to go. I only live a few blocks from here, so we can go there and work in a more relaxed atmosphere.” Eren paused and held up a hand gently as Levi began to protest about not getting any work done. 

 

“You know as well as I do that we are both too passionate about this project to not get what we need to get done, done. Once we are finished, I’m making us hot chocolate and we are watching a movie because it doesn’t look like you have relaxed in ages,” Eren chided, as Levi huffed like a petulant child, despite his insides churning with the idea of spending an evening of comfort with Eren. 

 

“Now,” Eren continued, “Let’s get you out of here.” With that, Eren motioned to the waitress to prepare the dishes to go and before Levi even realized it, Eren had paid and they were trudging out the door with bags in hand. Levi blinked tiredly, preparing to pull out his wallet before Eren tapped his arm, causing him to sigh and push it back into his pocket. After their first lunch together all those months ago, they had decided to switch off who paid each time they met up. Levi shrugged, figuring that although it was his turn to pay, he would just pay for their next two meetings to make up for it. 

 

Levi suddenly felt a warmth slide gently across his shoulders. He realized with a start that he had begun to drift towards the street and only Eren’s arm across his shoulders had guided him back towards the sidewalk. “Levi, I won’t bug you about it again, but are you sure you are ok?” Eren questioned and gently squeezed Levi’s shoulder where his warm hand still rested. 

 

Levi leaned back into Eren’s arm for support, taking in a deep breath before answering, “It’s ok Eren, thank you. I had a difficult night. I normally only get two to three hours of sleep a night anyway, but on top of that it was poor quality sleep. I... I guess I had a flashback to some things that happened a few years ago while I was sleeping.” Eren hummed, slipping his hand between Levi’s shoulders as he guided the raven towards the entrance to his apartment and towards his door. 

 

As Eren unlocked the door, Levi continued, “I--I woke up about an hour and a half after I went to bed and once I’m up, I can’t ever get back to sleep. I had some tea and just started cleaning; I only stopped when I had to get ready to come meet you. It’s been like that the last few nights so I guess it’s finally catching up to me,” Levi sighed quietly, unused to sharing so much and the resulting exhaustion that plagued him after recounting his day. 

 

Eren ushered him into the apartment, quickly shuffling around until he had created a nest of blankets on the couch. Eren looked back at Levi, his eyes scanning the raven and the way he swayed gently on his feet. His face twisted in concern as Levi made no move to enter any further into the apartment. He walked slowly towards the raven, gently grasping his forearm and moving him towards the couch. Levi grumbled, embarrassed about being handled like an incapable child but accepting the help nonetheless. 

 

“Levi,” Eren began again, “I know I said we would get everything we needed to get done, but I’m worried about you. I think we should just eat and then settle down for a movie. I don’t mean to cross a line or anything, but would you want some sweatpants and a t-shirt so you can be more comfortable?” 

 

Eren blushed profusely as he waited for Levi’s tired brain to process what he had said. He smiled when he saw a nod from the smaller man and hurried to the back to grab some more comfortable clothes for him. Once he had deposited the small stack beside Levi, he told the raven he would be making hot cocoa and would be a few minutes, so he could change in the living room if he wished. 

 

Levi heard Eren shuffling around the kitchen, the clashing of mugs and the little grumbles from the brunette. Despite his exhaustion, he smiled to himself, warmed by the kindness Eren was showing him and trying to let the fact that he was in Eren’s apartment sink in. He took a moment to observe his environment, the pictures of Eren and his friends set atop the mantel, the neatly organized games and Blu-rays lined between the three consoles stationed below the TV. 

 

As he heard the shift in sounds from the kitchen, he realized that Eren would be returning soon and he had yet to change. He marveled at Eren’s openness, allowing him into his apartment, sharing his kindness and his clothing. He picked up the sweatpants, feeling the soft fabric beneath his fingertips and the light scent to Eren’s fabric softener already relaxing him. Levi shimmied out of his jeans and slipped into the sweatpants, biting back a moan at the immediate comfort before sliding his shirt off over his head. As he began to slip the large t-shirt on, he heard a sharp intake of breath behind him. 

 

Eren stood, frozen in place, watching the tight muscles of Levi’s back ripple and contort under his perfectly smooth alabaster skin. His eyes scanned the copious amount of ink that twisted and turned around the sculpted arms and shoulders before him. He swallowed thickly, only finding his footing again when the dark t-shirt fell down Levi’s back and the raven bent to roll up the legs of the sweatpants which were far too long for him. Levi turned around when he was finished, smirking to himself as Eren’s gaze was still locked to where his ass had been while he was bent over. 

 

“Hey, brat,” Levi said, pulling Eren’s attention slowly back to the present moment as he smirked, “my face is up here.” 

 

The blush that spread across Eren’s face was like a living thing, creeping across the brunette’s nose, cheeks, and down to his collarbones. At first, Levi assumed it was simply embarrassment from having walked in on the raven changing, but as he observed Eren more closely, it became clear there was something more running through Eren’s mind. 

 

Eren bit his bottom lip, taking in the sight of the much smaller man draped in his clothing. The raven had needed to roll up the pants several inches, the weight of the roll dragging the pants further down so they were riding low on his hips. Eren only noticed that particular feature because Levi had yet to adjust the hem of the t-shirt, one side still rucked up on his smooth sculpted stomach revealing the deep ‘v’ framing his hip bone. 

 

Eren swallowed again, trying to contain the heat rising in his gut as his eyes traveled up again, taking in the way the neckline of his t-shirt hung below Levi’s collarbones as it tried to hang onto his slender shoulders. He hadn’t realized Levi was so much smaller than him. The man carried himself with such confidence and composure he commanded an undeniable presence in any room he walked into. Eren cleared his throat, moving towards the couch and setting the two mugs of hot cocoa onto the coffee table and willing down the poorly timed and unexpected manifestation of his arousal at seeing Levi in his clothes. 

 

After calming himself sufficiently, Eren grabbed the remote and threw on a movie Levi indicated he was interested in seeing. Eren watched as Levi settled into the blanket nest next to him, the odd configuration tilting Levi towards him and causing an unexpected but not unwelcome closeness between the two. Despite the hot cocoa, the movie, and what had appeared to be a sudden burst of energy from the raven during their earlier exchange, Levi succumbed to sleep within the first half hour of the movie. 

 

In his sleep, Levi sought out the warmth radiating from Eren, inching closer until he was pressed tightly against Eren’s side. Eren smiled down at the top of Levi’s head as it dropped to his shoulder, his fingers skittering lightly up Levi’s forearm in a soothing gesture. He didn’t dare go any further, having not obtained consent for any other touch than what they had engaged in previously in their encounters. Eren tilted his head, resting his cheek atop silky raven strands and breathing in the soft smell of Levi’s coconut shampoo. His eyes drifted closed, lulled by the safety and comfort he felt in the moment, thoughts of past troubles further away from his mind than they had been in months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for your continued support. The response to my little tale has been overwhelming. Thank you. Your comments and kudos feed my soul.
> 
> Should you have any questions or concerns, feel free to leave a comment or reach out on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/eveningstargazer)


	16. Pressure

Eren stirred at the feeling of warmth pressed tightly against his hip. He blamed the too bright sun and the pressure against his chest for his fluttering eyelids as he was roused from a restful sleep. He looked down on raven strands, porcelain skin, oversized clothes and the small body pressed tightly against him. He watched as Levi fisted his shirt, cool air brushing against his collarbones where the fabric had been pulled down. 

 

_Beautiful._ It was the only word that kept playing through his mind as the soft scent of Levi’s shampoo drifted towards him. He tightened his arm minutely where it was wrapped around Levi’s waist. Eren’s thumb stroked through the soft fabric of the sweatshirt Levi had borrowed, feeling the soft rise and fall of Levi’s breath beneath his hand. 

 

_Stunning_ , his mind supplied, as he gazed down at the way the furrow between Levi’s brows had smoothed in his slumber. He watched on as Levi’s eyelashes fluttered in response to his movements before the raven pressed closer in his sleep and settled down once more. 

 

Eren’s mind began to drift, content with having assisted Levi in getting some much needed rest. Nervous of being caught, despite Levi’s continued absence from the waking world, Eren snuck glances down at the man every now and then. He breathed out a sigh at the slight upturn at the tip of Levi’s nose, his precise and sharp, yet delicate eyebrows, and the twitch of his usually narrow but now full and barely pouting lips. 

 

Eren curled his hand into Levi’s side unconsciously as a wave of warmth and fondness filled his chest. He leaned his head back, watching the speckles of light dance across the ceiling as the fan moved the curtains back and forth. Memories flooded his mind: the light brush of Levi’s fingertips as he comforted the brunette, the tiny smile that appeared on Levi’s face, and the soft chuckle that would fall from his lips when Eren would tell a joke. Eren recalled Armin’s words, _it’s rare for him to not smile after seeing you_. 

 

Eren grinned wide at the knowledge that he was bringing light into Levi’s life. They had not yet shared their full stories, only dropping hints and anecdotes when necessary or when the opportunity presented itself. The last time Levi had shared anything about what had happened in the past, Eren had felt a surge of protectiveness swell within him. 

 

The pair had been taking a break from Sasha’s earlier that week, strolling through the adjacent park after an hour of hard work determining contingency plans for the quickly expanding client base their program had attracted. Eren was thrilled, giddily talking about potential new projects, ways to get the clients more involved, peer support, and additional outreach. Levi’s facial expression transformed into what Eren had come to recognize as a smile, the minute upturn of the corner of the raven’s mouth as he pulled his bottom lip between his teeth being the only indication Eren needed. 

 

Eren turned down a path he had found in the months since moving into his new apartment; it was quiet, not often traversed by the runners that typically dominated the pavement in the park. The trees hung low over this section, the dappled sunlight painting the smooth black of the path in varying shades of pink and yellow. The conversation had transitioned into soft mummers of appreciation for the flora from both men. 

 

“I never spent much time outside,” Eren began, breaking the relative silence that had settled over the pair. His fingers brushed against a particularly interesting fern as he watched the leaves contract under his touch, only to expand again once he removed his hand. Levi looked up, only to see Eren staring at the plant, eyes hollow and far away. “Jean didn’t like being outside. He always found it too hot or too cold, too bright or too dark. We tried to compromise; I’d spend time out in the garden while he played a video game, but it didn’t last long. At some point it just became too difficult to handle his complaints about not spending time together, so I just stayed inside.” 

 

Eren moved down the path, Levi following him closely, watching the brunette with concern as his chest tightened. Levi, who had seen Eren for his strength and passion, was falling hard for the way he fought tooth and nail to get things done when he wanted to. To hear that someone had taken that passion from him hit something deep within Levi, twisting something dark in his gut as he walked more closely to the brunette, as if to protect him from the memories. 

 

Eren turned to Levi, smiling forlornly as he continued, “I knew things would be different without Jean, but I didn’t realize everything I had given up by being with him until recently. It’s hard to digest.” 

 

Levi stepped closer, placing a gentle hand on Eren’s arm in comfort, “As cheesy and dumb as this sounds, you’re free now. There is no one holding you back, or in place, or against your will. You have done some incredible things in the last year since we met and even in the last month since you finalized the divorce I can see a shift in you. We can’t let our past hold us hostage, although I’m well aware that is easier said than done. When—when I went through what I did, I thought I was broken, discarded, disgusting, and unwanted. Erwin would tell me it was all in my head, but I couldn’t bring myself to believe him. It took a lot of fight to get through that, and even now I struggle sometimes.” 

 

Levi averted his eyes from Eren’s intense stare, as though the brunette could see the ghosts of Levi’s memories playing behind his silver orbs. Eren’s gaze softened, lifting his hand to press Levi’s lingering hand tighter against his other arm. 

 

“Thank you, Levi,” Eren whispered, his eyes going glassy for just a moment before he blinked back the tears he refused to shed. 

 

Eren was roused from his memories by the shifting of a still sleeping Levi against him. The raven stirred and Eren felt the telltale pressure of morning wood against his thigh. Eren’s eyes widened as Levi pressed closer, seeking friction even as he remained asleep. Levi groaned, quiet and content as his fist tightened in Eren’s shirt. Eren wanted to laugh, wanted to store the memory away to tease Levi with once the man was fully awake, but he couldn’t. Despite the beautiful man before him and the bright little flame that had started to blossom in Eren’s heart for him, the brunette couldn’t help but hear Jean’s words. 

 

_Already you’ve got yourself a new dick to ride?_

 

The words of his former husband repeated in his mind as Levi nuzzled his head against Eren’s chest, so soft and kind even in sleep, seeking out comfort Eren had yet to give him while he was awake. Eren wanted to reach out and stroke the fine onyx strands that had fallen into the smaller man’s face, tuck them away behind his ear and watch his nose twitch at the tickling sensation. 

 

_What if he just wants to get in your pants?_

 

His mind supplied the memory of Mikassa’s words, even as Levi sighed and relaxed again against Eren’s side. Eren was frozen in place beneath the other man, despite how easily he could have moved Levi. He felt bile rise in his throat as Eren realized both his ex-husband and best friend had voiced the same thought. Both had assumed that sex, lust, and rebound were the only potential outcomes for him and Levi. 

 

Eren’s mind began to twist in on itself, recalling memories of Levi and trying desperately to analyze them, seeking to identify any negative intentions. The brushes of skin against skin, the soft look in Levi’s eyes when they were taking a break, and the concern painted across Levi’s face when Eren had broken down in the office, played through Eren’s mind. Half of his brain clung desperately to the feeling of belonging that warmed him whenever he was with Levi, the comfort and safety he experienced when next to the raven. The other half, the one winning the current battle within Eren, reminded him that he had experienced all of those things with Jean at the beginning too. 

 

Eren’s chest tightened, his breaths becoming shorter and his heart heavier as the crushing weight of how broken he was pressed down on him. It was in that moment that Levi stirred, blinking awake from a more restful sleep than he had experienced in ages. Levi expected to be met with the emptiness of his bedroom, but instead he found a warm brunette beneath him. Still groggy, fighting through his sleep addled mind, Levi curled more tightly into the other man’s side out of instinct before lifting his gaze to the Eren’s face. 

 

To Levi’s shock, he was not met with shining emeralds but a face flushed with panic and Eren’s closed eyes, not in slumber, but screwed shut tightly in anxiety and fear. Levi couldn’t understand why Eren’s beautiful features were marred with pain until he blinked the final vestiges of sleep away and took in their situation. His eyes widened as he realized he was practically pressed flush against Eren’s side, his hands fisted in Eren’s shirt and to his horror, his hard cock pressed firmly against Eren’s hip. 

 

Levi gasped, eyes comically wide, mouth gaping open, as he jumped so far his back hit the opposite arm rest of the couch they had spent the night on. Fear and panic laced his voice as he stuttered, “E—Eren. I—I’m so sorry.” His eyes searched Eren’s face, willing himself to remain calm so as not to further offend the brunette. Concern and fear bubbled in Levi’s chest as he watched Eren taking shuddering breaths. He shuffled slightly closer, recalling Eren’s previous admission that he was tactile by nature and benefited more from touch than words. Levi reach a hand towards Eren’s arm, unused to comforting but having fallen into it naturally when it came to Eren. 

 

As Levi’s fingertips brushed against the sleeve of Eren’s t-shirt, it was as though time had slowed. Eren’s eyes flew open, meeting Levi’s concerned gaze without any recognition behind them. He stood abruptly, nearly jostling Levi off of the couch as he took several steps backwards. Levi’s heart shattered at Eren’s retreat. Despite knowing that Eren was reacting to his environment rather than specifically to Levi, the raven still felt the rejection to his core. 

 

“Eren,” Levi all but whispered, “hey, it’s me. I’m sorry. Please come back.” 

 

Levi shifted until he was once again sitting comfortably on the couch, enough room between himself and the arm rest for Eren to sit without risk of touching Levi. Eren made no move to comply, however. His breath was still ragged, his chest was rising and falling too fast and his eyes were glazed over. Levi made a motion to stand but halted when Eren began to take a step backwards in response. He watched on as the brunette squeezed his eyes shut once more, willing his breath to calm down. 

 

“Eren,” Levi called again, his voice soft, laced with concern, but coated in as much warmth as he could muster in an attempt to coax Eren out of his head. “I’m sorry for the way we woke up. I certainly didn’t mean to offend you like that. You were so warm, and comfortable, and I felt so safe. It’s the best sleep I’ve had in years and I suppose I lost myself in you. I--,” Levi paused, swallowing around the lump in his throat as he attempted to finish, “I can leave if that would make you more comfortable.” 

 

Levi’s fingers gripped at the cuffs of the borrowed sweatshirt where it hung past his hands. His eyes fixated on Eren’s feet, for fear of what he would see should he meet the other man’s gaze. Levi shuddered as he realized that he might be cast aside once again, found unworthy because he had failed to express to Eren how much the brunette meant to him, seen as disgusting for actions he hadn’t had control over. If only he had communicated his feelings to Eren. It would not have made the situation any less embarrassing for him, but would have at least given Eren context and potentially prevented what Levi could only assume was Eren’s fear of intimacy from flaring. 

 

Eren made a broken sound, something akin to a whimper, but one that Levi had never heard before. When Levi raised his head to meet Eren’s gaze, he could see the turmoil behind the emerald orbs. Eren’s hands, previously fisted against his side were now flexing, as if wanting to reach and grab hold of something. Levi took a deep breath, steeling himself against his own nerves and the potential rejection he would face, hoping against hope that Eren was waring with himself about asking Levi to stay. He bit his lip, worrying it between his teeth as he searched Eren’s face for any indication that he was disgusted by the raven, furious, or offended, but all Levi found was anxiety in those emerald eyes. Slowly and carefully as if approaching a wounded animal, Levi stood. When Eren didn’t flinch or move back, Levi continued to carefully pad across the floor, the room silent except for Eren’s labored breaths and his socked feet whispering against the hardwood floor. 

 

Levi paused a few feet from Eren. The brunette’s breathing had slowed to something that resembled normalcy and his eyes were no longer glazed but the pain and fear etched across his face was still plain as day. Levi cleared his throat quietly, causing Eren to blink rapidly, his eyes focusing on Levi a bit more clearly. 

 

“Eren,” Levi called again, so soft he worried Eren couldn’t hear him, but he couldn’t bring himself to speak any louder. “Eren, may I—may I touch you? Please? I only want to touch your arm how you usually like when you are scared. I won’t do anything else. May I?” Levi willed himself to keep his hands clamped tightly to his sides, fearful that any movement would indicate to Eren that he would touch the brunette regardless of his consent. 

 

Eren took a deep breath, willing the rush of panic from his mind and untwisting the tendrils of anxiety from around his body. With a short nod from the brunette, Levi inched closer, slowly reaching out his hand to press his fingertips against Eren’s bicep. It was warm, and the skin was soft as Levi pressed his fingers against it more firmly. Eren shuddered, but didn’t flinch away, as Levi gently wrapped his hand around Eren’s arm, lightly stroking his palm up and down in soothing strokes. Eren’s breath began to even out, and Levi dared to move closer, lifting his other hand to Eren’s cheek. 

 

“Can you tell me what happened, Eren? Can you tell me how to fix this?” Levi asked, concern and a hint of uncertainty undermining his attempt to keep his voice calm and soothing. Eren took another breath pressing into Levi’s touch before moving towards the couch. They sat, Eren pushing his thigh against Levi’s own, much to the raven’s astonishment. 

 

“I—I’m sorry, Levi,” Eren began, shaking his head as Levi attempted to protest the apology, “I told you before that Jean had told me he was surprised I found a dick to ride so fast. I’ve always struggled with intimacy, Jean knew that. I have to trust someone a great deal, know that I am safe with them and that they will respect me before I can hand my body over to them. Despite how much I relish touch, once it crosses that line, it takes me a long time to move forward,” Eren raised his eyes from where they had been focused on his hands clasped in his lap, catching Levi’s gaze with a meaningful look, “no matter how much I may want to.” 

 

Levi’s breath caught in his throat as the implications of Eren’s words sunk in. “Are you saying you might want to…?” Levi asked, unable to finish the question as his words trailed off. He couldn’t bring himself to ask fully, fearful he had misread Eren’s implication and would make a fool of himself. 

 

Eren smiled shyly, ducking his head as a blush crept across his cheeks. “I—Mikassa, she’s practically my sister. When she first heard about the project, and how much time we spent together, we had a fight. She was, or possibly still is, concerned you simply want to take advantage of my ‘vulnerable state’ to get into my pants.” Levi’s eyes widened, pain spreading across his features as the accusation sunk in. It was the furthest from the truth, but something Levi had feared Eren would assume based on the circumstances. 

 

Eren missed the look in Levi’s eyes, his gaze still focused on his hands as he willed his breaths to remain calm and even. “I know that’s not true though. Deep in my gut I know that every touch, every comforting word has been selfless and without ill intent,” Eren looked up pleading, watching as Levi’s features softened into reverence at Eren’s words. “But, when I woke up,” the brunette continued, “You were so close, and it’s been so long since I’ve had that much contact, and it was so intimate, and you were so beautiful, and I wanted to do things I haven’t done in so long that I spiraled.” Erne gulped, blush spreading further, but he remained resolute in his decision to maintain eye contact. 

 

Eren moved ever so slightly closer, leaning towards Levi and raising his hand to cup the raven’s cheek. Levi was so relieved he practically purred into Eren’s touch, pressing his cheek further into Eren’s palm. Eren smiled softly at the gesture, at Levi’s willingness to hand himself over in such a way. 

 

“I’m so sorry, Eren,” Levi said, voice muffled as he nuzzled into Eren’s hand. Eren shook his head, rubbing his thumb gently against Levi’s cheekbone. 

 

“There is nothing to be sorry about, Levi. It caught me off guard, but by no means do I blame you. You were asleep after all and I would be lying if I said I’ve never experienced a…. similar condition.” Eren grinned at his own vagueness, leaning forward to touch his forehead to Levi’s. Silver orbs looked up through onyx lashes, as Levi met Eren’s gaze, a little anxious from the whiplash of emotions they had both experienced over the past hour, but heart fluttering at Eren’s words. 

 

“Can you be patient with me, Levi? I don’t know if I’m worth waiting for. I’m not sure how long it will take, but I will try to fight the hold my past has on me, ” Eren said, squeezing his eyes shut as the words passed his lips. He felt Levi nod against him, their foreheads still pressed firmly together. 

 

“I’m not so good with this stuff either, Eren,” Levi said, voice soft and warm against Eren’s cheek, “I’ve told you bits and pieces, and when we are both in a better place I’ll tell you the full story, but it’s been a very long time since I felt safe being intimate with someone, and that ended poor`````ly despite my best efforts. I’m as willing to be patient with you as I hope you will be with me.” 

 

Eren reached towards Levi’s hand, lacing their fingers together before whispering, “If you don’t fight, you can’t win, and I’m going to fight as hard as I can.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for your continued support. II am overwhelmed and positively beaming at the response this story has received. I never imagined my little tale would have so many followers, much less such a positive response. Thank you. Your comments and kudos feed my soul.
> 
> Should you have any questions or concerns, feel free to leave a comment or reach out on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/eveningstargazer)


	17. Saturdays

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you would like to skip the smuttier first scene, please proceed down to the ~~~
> 
> Thank you.

When Eren awoke the next morning, sheets wrapped tightly around him in a cocoon, he felt a heaviness in his chest, an unfamiliar pressure that made it difficult to rise from the bed. His eyes blinked open as he rubbed the crust from them. Sina hopped up onto the bed, pawing at Eren’s cheek before leaning forward to ‘meow’ directly into his ear. 

 

“Alright, alright, I’m getting up,” Eren grumbled, as he swung his legs over the side of the bed and sat up. An uncomfortable pressure made itself known between Eren’s thighs. He groaned, glaring at his erection before standing and heading towards the bathroom. It had been quite some time since Eren had allowed himself release, the stress of divorce and the new projects leaving him with little energy at the end of the day to even go through the motions of such an act. In the spare moments he had tried, his mind had supplied images of Jean’s hands and Jean’s words every attempt he had made, which had immediately eliminated any desire that had been coursing through his mind at the time. 

 

As he stepped under the warm water of the shower, his eyes slipped closed in contentment. He stood there, water pelting his sore back from the previous night spend on the couch with Levi. He trailed his hand up his side where the raven had been pressed so close, shivering as he recalled the warmth of the smaller body curled against his own. Levi was strong and firm, regardless of his size, and Eren briefly wondered what it would feel like to be pinned beneath that strength. 

 

Eren bit his lip as his mind conjured the image of Levi’s strong hands pinning his own against the tile above his head as the raven pressed against Eren’s back. Eren sighed, fingertips trailing from his side up across his chest as he imagined Levi leaving a trail of firm kisses across his back as long, slim fingers skittered across the expanse of tan skin. Eren sank further into his fantasy, his hands mapping out the trail of Levi’s own. 

 

Eren’s breath caught in his throat as he imagined Levi sweeping the fingers of his free hand up Eren’s side, admiring the twitch in the muscles beneath them. Eren’s hand caressed over a nipple as he spread his legs as though Levi were behind him, pressing a knee between his thighs to keep them apart. Eren’s hand shifted lower, wrapping gently around his cock, feeling Levi press firmly against him, a hand shifting to his hip to hold him in place. He groaned, pressing back into the imaginary warmth of Levi’s crotch, only to be brought back to reality as he stumbled at the lack of support. 

 

He looked down at his aching erection, his hand still wrapped around it as pre-cum dripped from the tip. It had been quite some time since he had gotten himself this far along in his pleasure. In the past, Jean would rarely get him this riled up before slamming into him with little preparation. Even in his own moments of release, Eren rarely ventured into exploring his body, settling for quick and firm movements rather than taking time to enjoy. 

 

He peaked around the shower curtain, trying to remember if he had stashed any lube in the bathroom after moving in. He recalled a sample he had shoved to the back of a drawer, balancing as he reached across the space and rummaged around. He located the packet, eyeing it cautiously as he brought himself back fully into the shower stall. He shut the water, sinking to his knees and spreading them shoulder width apart. He sat back on his heels, his erection standing at attention and not having waned in the slightest. He gave himself a long, slow stroke, gasping at the friction. 

 

Eren stared at the packet in his hand for a moment before tearing it open and squeezing the contents onto his fingers. His eyes slipped closed as he reached behind himself. He wondered briefly what Levi’s tongue would feel like as it swiped between his cheeks, strong hands spreading them apart to give the raven better access. Eren groaned, long and low, as he circled his entrance, the cool slickness causing him to gasp. He bit his lip and took a deep breath in before exhaling as he pressed his finger against the ring of muscle, wincing as it stretched him. 

 

It had been so long that Eren had to take a few moments to calm his breathing before he could move. It was all too easy to summon images of Levi’s soothing kisses pressed against his nape as the man touched him tenderly. Eren had no doubt Levi would be careful with him, care for him, in a way Jean had never tried to. Before long, need overwhelmed the brunette and he found himself pressing in another finger, the tight ring of muscle sucking it in as his other hand gripped his cock once more. 

 

Eren breathed deep, gasps and whimpers falling from bitten lips as his hands pumped in tandem. He was overwhelmed, unused to the absence of pain intertwined with the act. The assault of pure pleasure had him reeling, mind supplying him with image after image of Levi pressing against him, hands caressing his body as he was spread open, taken apart, and reassembled. Eren gasped as he felt the ghost of Levi’s breath against his ear, the raven muttering praises into the chestnut strands plastered against Eren’s neck. 

 

Eren scissored his fingers, sinking further onto the floor of the shower at the pleasurable burn. Pain had never been an enjoyable part of his time with Jean, but in the right circumstances, assaulted with this much pleasure, Eren could see the appeal. Eren’s hand continued to stroke his cock, although it had slowed in an effort to prolong the pleasure. A warmth began twisting in Eren’s gut, the telltale signs of his approaching orgasm which Eren was hellbent on staving off for a few more moments. 

 

He shifted his weight, pressing his hips back as he fucked himself onto the fingers still buried deep inside him before pressing forward into his other hand. His thighs burned but he barely felt it, imagining Levi’s own hands in place of his. Gasps and moans filled the bathroom, bouncing off the walls and driving Eren deeper into his fantasy, Levi’s cock gliding against his walls, the raven pulling back and spreading Eren’s cheeks to watch himself disappear into the brunette. Eren shuddered, as he lost himself. 

 

“L—Levi!” Eren groaned as he painted the shower in white. His breath took several minutes to calm as he rested his forehead against the cool tile wall. He had been so scared of intimacy, so fearful to relive those painful memories that he had refrained from his own pleasure for months. However, something had changed. His mind no longer supplied the memories of past distress, but rather the fantasy of what could be should he trust in Levi. The previous night had shifted something within him. He was unsure how things might play out in the waking world, but Eren was thoroughly convinced that his thoughts towards Levi were much deeper than originally anticipated.

~~~

In the weeks that followed, Saturdays together became a habit for the pair. They were hesitant to refer to them as dates, both men ensuring there was always a portion of time spent on a work-related topic as a disguise for their desire to spend time with one another. Eren found solace in Levi’s company, the absence of stress from the divorce leaving a void he had not expected. Time with the raven easily filled that void. He remained cautious, nervous, despite his comfort around the other man.

 

Eren found he was insatiable since first discovering that, when it came to thoughts of Levi, his avoidance of intimacy eased and blossomed into desire. However, even as he gazed at the raven strands of hair that fell along Levi’s defined cheekbone, as the man bent over documents they had been pouring over for the better part of the afternoon, Eren couldn’t help but fear how he would react to the act itself. He wondered, watching as Levi tugged his bottom lip between his teeth, how those lips might feel pressed against his own. 

 

Eren shook his head, trying to dispel the images that had been playing in his mind over the last several weeks and refocus on his work. Levi shifted, his knee accidentally knocking against Eren’s before steel eyes met emerald. 

 

“You ok, brat?” Levi asked, a perfectly shaped eyebrow raising in question at Eren’s slightly glazed over expression. 

 

“Y—Yes, sorry,” Eren stuttered blushing furiously as he saved the draft he had been working on and hopped out of the chair. Levi chuckled, at Eren’s reaction, missing the warmth of their bodies having been so close while working but willing to trade it for the lost and flustered expression on Eren’s face. 

 

“Should we get some air?” Levi asked, standing up as well and heading for his jacket which was hanging on a hook by the door. 

 

“Yeah, that’s a great idea,” Eren beamed, voice full of relief as his shoulders relaxed. 

 

They dressed in their jackets and scarves and headed out the door. Levi shoved his hands deep in his pocket, willing down the urge to reach out for Eren’s in the cold. There would be a time for that, he reminded himself. It had only been a month since they had discovered there might be more between them and both had avoided any further discussion, fearful of unsettling the delicate balance they had both found such comfort in. 

 

Levi felt Eren still and let out a quiet gasp next to him, stopping him in his tracks. When he turned around, the brunette was staring across the street at a couple. The two men were laughing, their hands clasped together with the slightly shorter freckled one leaning against the other man’s shoulder. The taller man, who had leaned in to whisper something in the freckled one’s ear, had two tone hair and a long face. Levi tilted his head in confusion, trying to place where he had seen that face before or why the scene before them would cause Eren so much difficulty. 

 

The brunette stood frozen beside Levi, worrying his bottom lip as if attempting to decide between approaching the couple or heading for the hills. It was when Levi noticed Eren’s thumb stroking at his empty left ring finger as if in consolation that he realized that one of the men must be Jean. He took a step closer to Eren, cautiously placing an open hand on Eren’s arm as it hung limply at his side. The brunette jumped at the contact, but settled quickly when he met the raven’s gaze. 

 

“I could never make him smile like that,” Eren whispered, watching as the couple rounded the corner and made their way into a local bar. 

 

“No matter what I did, even after all of the years we were together, he never looked that happy when he was with me,” Eren continued, before letting out a labored sigh and turning back towards the path into the park. 

 

As the moon began to shine through the trees, Levi led Eren to a bench and the pair sat down. Without prompting, Eren scooted closer and leaned against Levi. The raven’s eyes widened in shock at the press of Eren’s body against his own but quickly recovered, looping an arm behind Eren and tugging him closer. The brunette rested his head against Levi’s shoulder before nuzzling into the soft fabric at the collar. 

 

“I’m happy for him, you know?” Eren began again, a small smile turning up the corner of his mouth. “He always seemed so miserable with me, like it was a chore to put up with me. I’m glad he’s found someone who can make him happy. It’s all I ever wanted to do, but every time I tried harder, I just seemed to fail that much more.” Eren said, shifting his weight so he was pressed tightly against Levi’s side, seeking the safety and comfort he had grown to crave from the man. 

 

“It’s not that you weren’t good enough Eren,” Levi whispered, his hand reaching up to card through the chocolate locks falling across Eren’s face. “He just didn’t understand how to appreciate the beauty that was right in front of him.” Levi blushed at his own admission, unsure of whether or not Eren caught on to the deeper implication of his words. 

 

Eren mumbled, too garbled in the fabric covering Levi’s shoulder to be understood. The raven tapped the pointer finger of his free hand beneath the brunette’s chin, urging him to look up. When emerald orbs finally lifted, Levi allowed his lips to curve into a soothing smile. 

 

“What was that, Eren?” Levi asked. 

 

Eren huffed and shifted his weight a bit before responding, “I asked ‘What beauty’?” 

 

Levi watched as a dusting of petal pink crept across Eren’s face. He held Eren’s chin gently between his finger and his thumb. He felt the sudden urge to kiss the man, but abandoned the notion in favor of stroking his thumb against Eren’s bottom lip instead, watching as the brunette’s blush deepened. Levi hummed, recognizing the lack of self-confidence for what it was, having had similar thoughts himself from time to time, but unsure of how to convince the brunette that he was the most beautiful creature Levi had ever seen. 

 

“I don’t know him, so I can’t speak for him, but I can speak for myself,” Levi said, voice soft and light as it brushed past Eren’s cheek. “You brighten up a room whenever you walk in; you make a cold and dreary space feel warm the instant you arrive,” he continued. 

 

Eren fidgeted, having difficulty sitting still under the barrage of compliments he was receiving from Levi, unused to kind words much less ones filled with the sounds of such devotion. Eren swallowed thickly, willing down the lump in his throat and squeezing his eyes shut to stave off the tears that threatened to fall. Levi’s hand moved from beneath Eren’s chin to his cheek, cupping it gently as his thumb traced a tan cheekbone. 

 

“You always feel like summer, even when it’s cold as balls outside,” Levi continued with a grin that nearly took Eren’s breath away, the raven’s voice still soft and laced with so much admiration Eren felt like he would choke on it, “and I am so grateful for the time I get to spend with you Eren. I will never take advantage of this gift you have given me. Just trust me when I say, you are beautiful.” 

 

“L—Levi,” Eren said, his voice shaky and quiet, “I don’t know what to say. I—I’m not very good at taking compliments, and I don’t really think I can see what you see. But—but thank you.” Eren pressed closer, burring his face against Levi’s neck and breathing in the soft sent of musk and lavender that was in every way _Levi_ to Eren lulling him back into a state of calm. 

 

Levi griped the man closer, pressing a light kiss to the top of Eren’s head before whispering, “Even if you don’t believe it now, I’ll keep reminding you for as long as you’ll have me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for your incredible support of last chapter. I was thrilled to read about your thoughts, your excitement, and even the pain it cause :P. Thank you again for standing by me as this story progresses and as always, please kudo or comment to let me know what you are thinking!
> 
> Should you have any questions or concerns, feel free to leave a comment or reach out on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/eveningstargazer)


	18. Let Go

A knot had formed in Eren’s stomach that night, seeing Jean with someone new, not because he was jealous that he had been replaced, but out of jealousy that Jean had been able to move forward and he could not. Eren had been so used to tailoring his actions to Jean’s desires that he had struggled to build a foundation of honesty with Levi. It had tugged at him for the past several weeks since seeing Jean with the other man, rearing its head in weaker moments to remind him that he was still broken, still unworthy of the care and concern with which Levi treated him. 

 

Eren had thought he was being honest, that he was sharing with Levi in a way that created a foundation for that sort of honesty in the future. It was a tiny, seemingly insignificant lie that had sparked the festering worry within Eren that he had not yet worked through his remaining habits from his relationship with Jean. 

 

Eren had been cooking while Levi flipped through the channels on the TV the previous weekend. Eren had reached for a cup. His fingers, slick from the oil he had used to coat the potatoes, slipped against the glass and it tumbled to the countertop, shattering. Eren swore under his breath and quickly grabbed the garbage can, trying to sweep the debris into it as discreetly as possible so that Levi wouldn’t notice. He kept his ears perked for any sound of Levi shuffling towards the kitchen in response to the crash. 

 

“Everything ok? Did something break? I can come help if you need,” he heard Levi say from the living room. 

 

“No, no,” Eren placated, thankful it didn’t seem as though Levi was going to come investigate, “Just cooking and moving things around. It’s nothing to worry about.” 

 

Eren wasn’t shaking, wasn’t panicking like he did the other times he was reminded of Jean. This was not a flashback or a panic attack, this was instinct. He was surviving, a skill that came naturally after years of enduring verbal assaults from Jean whenever he made a mistake. ‘Muffle or cover up the sound with a cough or banging a pot. Dispose of the evidence then immediately take out the trash so he can’t find it. Rearrange the cabinet until you can replace the item so it won’t be noticed as missing.’ The rules he had learned, like a task list to prevent being found out, repeated in his head ask he carried them out. 

 

He was bent over the can, tying up the garbage bag, ready to bring it out in the final step of the process when he felt warm, firm hands slip around his waist. He expected to be startled, to jump or try to escape, but this was Levi. There was no yelling, no domineering from the doorway, just a calm presence pressed comfortably against him. 

 

“Did you hurt yourself?” Levi asked, slipping his palm down Eren’s arm before gripping his hand gently, turning it over to check for injuries. 

 

Eren made a choked sound at the question and the sensation of Levi’s warm body pressed protectively against him from behind. “N—No,” Eren stuttered, “I’m ok.” He pressed his eyes closed, leaning back into Levi as he kissed the top of Eren’s shoulder, unable to reach any higher. 

 

“Good,” Levi whispered against the sensitive skin of Eren’s neck as he turned his head, placing a cheek on Eren’s shoulder and looking up into bright emerald eyes. 

 

Eren pressed his eyes closed for several moments before he opened them and returned Levi’s gaze. Bright silver shifted, searching Eren’s for the answer to a question he had yet to voice. Eren knew it was coming, knew he would be asked why he had lied, but didn’t know how Levi would go about it. Eren knew, intellectually, that Levi was different from Jean; he couldn’t picture Levi punishing him with painful words and more chores like Jean was wont to do when he caught Eren in a lie, but there was a first time for everything. 

 

Levi’s thumb traced the knuckles of Eren’s hand before he gently turned him around, careful to avoid pinning Eren to the edge of the counter as Levi continued to hold Eren’s hand in a gentle but firm grip. 

 

“Eren,” Levi began, swallowing around the lump in his throat as he stared into Eren’s distant eyes. There was something hollow but alert there, as if Eren was preparing for something that he might need to run from, his eyes never quite meeting Levi’s. Levi reached up, placing his free hand against Eren’s cheek, stroking his thumb against the soft skin of Eren’s cheekbone, coaxing the man’s gaze to meet his own. 

 

“Eren, I’m sorry, but I need to ask,” Levi whispered, voice soft and eyes swimming in concern, “why did you lie to me?” 

 

Eren’s breath caught in his throat as his stomach sank. The disappointment in himself rolled off of him in waves as he shuffled in Levi’s grasp, not wanting to remove himself from it, but uncomfortable none-the-less. He averted his eyes once more, fearful of what he might see should he meet Levi’s gaze despite the thumb continuing to gently caress his cheek in concern. 

 

“There is a poster hanging in my office,” Eren began, “I have stared at it a thousand times, read it to clients a thousand more, but I never grasped its full meaning until now.” Eren sighed, leaning his weight forward against Levi as through all the energy had been drained from him. He rested his forehead against Levi’s, finally meeting his gaze and allowing himself to be lost in shimmery mercury for a few moments. Levi was patient, only quirking an eyebrow in encouragement while allowing Eren to gather his thoughts. 

 

Levi’s hands had yet to leave Eren’s skin, the warmth of them seeping deep into Eren’s being. He took comfort in the contact, leaning further until Levi almost stumbled backwards under the weight. Eren sighed once more before continuing, “It says _‘Being a survivor of abuse means fighting daily battles in your head with someone you no longer have contact with.’_ I still fight with Jean in my head. I thought---I assumed---you would act in the same way he would have. “ 

 

Eren watched as Levi’s face fell, Levi’s eyes trailing down until he was staring somewhere around Eren’s collar bone, a far-off look replacing the warmth that had previously resided in his gaze. Eren was devastated as he saw the concern etch its way across Levi’s features. It wasn’t the disappointment he had expected, but shame. Eren couldn’t understand what had caused such a reaction. 

 

“Levi,” Eren whispered, hooking a finger underneath Levi’s chin and tilting his head back up, “I know you are not Jean. I know you would not hurt me. All you have ever done is care for me, but there are moments when even all that good can’t prevent me from assuming the worst.” Eren pressed their heads even closer, their noses bumping as his warm breath washed over Levi’s cheeks. Levi closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and opened them once more with a small but firm nod. 

 

“I understand, Eren. I—I suppose I have experienced the same.” Levi scuffed his socked foot against the hardwood flooring before continuing, “When we woke up together, several weeks ago, the way you reacted brought me right back to where I was years ago. I just knew, in the depth of my gut, that you reacted that way because I was disgusting, because you couldn’t stand me, because I had failed. All of his words came spilling from my own mind.” Levi averted his eyes, trying to stave off the wave of shame at his admission, but also recognizing that Eren was struggling with the same feelings of guilt and embarrassment. 

 

Eren smiled softly, running a hand across Levi’s shoulders and down his spine before drawing the smaller man closer with firm pressure against his lower back. Levi followed willingly, absorbing the warmth produced by the closeness and the press of Eren’s body against his own. He looped his hand behind Eren’s head, lacing long, slim fingers into chestnut strands and dragging Eren’s face closer. 

 

“This ok?” Levi whispered as his eyes locked onto Eren’s barely parted lips, the warm puffs of air as Eren’s breathing sped up causing a small smile to twitch at the edge of his mouth. Eren nodded and, as with most things Levi had come to observe over the past year when it came to the brunette, barreled forth without further consideration. The kiss was messy with too much teeth and tongue, but then Eren was giggling, and it was the most beautiful music Levi had ever heard. 

 

Levi tugged gently at Eren’s hair in an attempt to slow him down. He received a gasp and quiet moan in response, filing that information away for a later date. He smirked, just barely, but enough that Eren pulled away to watch the tiny curl of Levi’s lip. Eren stared for just a moment, eyes wide and lips slick before pouting at not having Levi’s mouth on his and rushed forth once more. Levi nipped at Eren’s lip in retaliation for the bruising force, taking over the kiss as he moved forward, pinning Eren gently back against the counter, but ensuring there was a clear escape route should Eren feel too contained. 

 

As the cool, sharp edge of the counter pressed against the small of Eren’s back, he groaned into the kiss. Levi consumed the noises from Eren’s mouth, flicking the tip of his tongue against Eren’s lower lip. Eren’s lips parted quickly and a tiny broken noise escaped his throat. Eren allowed Levi to lean him back further against the counter as Levi pushed forward and took over. 

 

The pair stayed like that for several minutes, enjoying the slick slide of lips and tongue, hands caressing every inch they could reach. Levi’s hands slid to the small of Eren’s back before his thumbs dipped into the waistband of Eren’s sweatpants. Eren squirmed, pulling back just enough to rest his forehead against Levi’s as he bit his lip. Eren’s eyes were swimming in want and need, desire, and apprehension. Levi kissed the tip of his nose, smiling softly as he continued to stoke the soft skin at Eren’s waistband, careful to not dip any further. 

 

“L—Levi,” Eren murmured as a blush snuck across his cheeks. 

 

“Shh, pup,” Levi whispered, “I’ve got you.” 

 

Eren made another broken noise, a reaction to the nickname or to his care, Levi was unsure, but the look in Eren’s eyes told him that whatever he had said had been what Eren needed to hear. He smiled, soft and sweet as Eren leaned forward once more. The kiss was slower, gentle, and calm but no less emotionally charged. 

 

Levi’s hands smoothed back up Eren’s spine before lacing once more into Eren’s chestnut strands. Levi nuzzled against Eren’s neck before his warm words ghosted across Eren’s ear, “We have time, Eren. Neither of us have done this in a long time and even then, we maybe didn’t do it right. We will learn together, we just have to be patient.”

~~~

It took Eren a few weeks to work up the courage to seek Jean out. He had kept it to himself for a while, fearful of being judged by his friends for attempting to reconnect with someone who had caused him so much pain. He had tried his best to be honest with Levi, though. Things had been progressing slowly since their first kiss, but Eren still had difficulty moving past rather innocent touches and passionate make-out sessions.

 

Jean hadn’t changed his number, making it easy for Eren to reach out via text. It had been a curt and somewhat awkward exchange, but the pair decided to meet up at a coffee house on Wednesday afternoon. They had never ventured into the establishment previously, removing concerns of unwanted memories from surfacing. It was also a moderately crowded time of day, allowing for comfortable conversation but keeping any flaring tempers in check. 

 

Eren walked in, ordering a chia latte before taking a seat in the back corner, away from crowds but with easy access to the exit should he need it. He sighed, fidgeting as he tried to make himself comfortable in the unfamiliar space. He placed his phone on the table, thumbing to Levi’s contact info and letting him know he was at the shop. Levi had been much more understanding of Eren’s need to seek out his ex-husband than Eren had anticipated. Levi had talked Eren through his fears, the potential outcomes, and contingency plans. 

 

Eren looked up as the bell above the door jingled, his back going ram-rod straight in response to the fight-or-flight reaction as Jean walked through the door. He took a deep breath, forcing himself to relax and think of Levi’s soft voice coaching him through what he was about to say. Eren had practiced, saying it over and over to a mirror and then to Levi to make sure he had it right. 

 

Jean caught Eren’s gaze nodding briefly before ordering and making his way over to the table. 

 

“Hey,” he began, before Eren motioned to the empty seat in invitation. 

 

“Hey,” Eren responded. 

 

Jean gripped at his paper cup, twisting the cardboard heat barrier around and around before looking up into Eren’s shimmering emerald eyes. 

 

“I miss you,” Jean whispered, and Eren felt his heart clench, sinking into his chair as the words he had practiced so diligently with Levi left his mind in an instant. 

 

“I miss you too,” Eren said, “but it’s like I still carry a piece of you with me, and it’s most certainly not the best piece. It’s why I asked to talk to you.” Eren’s eyes softened at the mix of hurt and understanding he saw play against Jean’s face. 

 

“I do still love you, Eren. I never meant to hurt you,” Jean said, his hand twitching on the cup as he struggled not to reach out and grasp Eren’s where they lay clenched into fists atop the table. 

 

“I know, Jean,” Eren began after a deep sigh, “but I also know that no matter what I tried, what _we_ tried, nothing seemed to keep you from hurting me. Intentional or not, I couldn’t stay. You may not understand it now, but I hope you do in the future.” 

 

Eren expected anger or retaliation of some sort as he was so used to receiving from Jean after he shared his feelings. He was surprised when he heard a soft chuckle instead. Jean lifted his face, nodding a bit sadly before responding, “You were a great partner, Eren. You took care of me for so long, but I remember how much you used to tell me that I need to grow up. You would constantly tell me what I needed to change or how much I was hurting you. I felt like a failure at every turn and that only made me angrier.” 

 

Eren tensed, heckles raising at the implication that the relationship had deteriorated solely because of him and his own actions with no account for Jean’s. Jean, to Eren’s surprise, noticed the shift, reaching out to pat the back of Eren’s hand before explaining, “Eren, please don’t think I’m telling you this is all your fault. I’m not. You mentioned you saw me with someone before, right?” Eren nodded and Jean hummed before continuing, “That’s Marco. He…well we’ve been dating for about two months and it’s so much different that you and I were. I’m not saying our relationship is easy, none are I assume, but working with him comes more naturally than it ever did with you.” 

 

Eren stared at Jean, wide eyed in disbelief at the honesty pouring forth. A twinge of sadness took root in Eren’s core as he realized that if they had only been able to talk like this, be open and honest with one another far earlier in their relationship, things may have turned out differently. Eren shifted his eyes to the table, staring at the space between their hands. 

 

“I—I had a whole speech worked out, even practiced it with Levi,” Eren chuckled, sadness underlying the sound, “I wanted to tell you how much you hurt me, tell you how much better I am now; but the truth is I’m still a bit broken. When I saw you with Marco, I wasn’t upset or jealous. If anything, I was happy for you. All I’ve ever wanted was for you to be happy and it hurt so much that I couldn’t achieve that. No matter what I did, you never seemed happy. I took your emotions on, but I crumbled under them. We both made mistakes, but I agree, we weren’t able to function around one another naturally, everything was forced. I love you, Jean. You were an important part of my life and I will always thank you for the good memories we had together.” 

 

Jean smiled, something bright and open that made Eren feel tears prickling at the edge of his eyes. “He does make me happy, Eren, and from what I’ve seen, and heard, Levi makes you happy too.” Eren smiled then, a little choked sob escaping as he remembered Levi’s tender kisses as they had snuggled on the couch the night before. The soothing stroke of pale fingers up and down his arm as Levi spoke to him softly, reassuring and supporting him through his fears about the following day. 

 

“He does,” Eren whispered, his cheeks sporting a new blush as his lips curved up into a gentle smile, “I was having trouble letting our relationship go any further. I didn't know I was waiting on something, but I realize it was this. Thank you, Jean." 

 

“Anytime, Eren,” Jean said, standing up and pushing in his chair, his hot coffee still in his hand but held in a much more relaxed grip than at the beginning of their meeting. “It was good seeing you, Eren. Good luck.” 

 

“You too, Jean” Eren said, smiling and giving Jean a soft nod before watching as he turned and headed out the door. Eren closed his eyes, taking in a deep, calming breath. His heart felt light, as though it had been removed of a heavy burden and freshly cleaned. He looked at his phone, Levi’s contact info still ready and waiting in case there had been an emergency. He thumbed at the screen until he was in the messages. 

 

**(15:37) Jeager:** Everything’s ok. Heading back now. Want to come over? 

**(15:37) Levi:** Good, yeah. See you soon, brat. 

 

Eren smiled, closing his eyes and taking a final deep breath to cleanse himself of any last reservations he had about diving head first into a deeper relationship with Levi, before heading out the door and making his way back to his apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm excited to continue building on the evolution of the relationships within this world with all of you. Thank you all so much for your support and thoughts from last chapter. Your comments kept me motivated to write this chapter even when life tried to get the better of me. Special shout out to WriterfortheTylwythTeg for checking in on me and reminding me of a few things, I really appreciate it. As always, I'd love to know what you think about this chapter and can't wait to hear from all of y'all! 
> 
> Should you have any questions or concerns, feel free to leave a comment or reach out on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/eveningstargazer)


	19. Comfort Food

Eren walked up the path to his home, smiling as he saw the lights on in the kitchen. Although they had not progressed past kissing and some pawing, and they had both been guarded in their verbalization of their feelings for one another, Eren had still found it in himself to trust Levi with a spare key. Eren often went for walks or exploring before their Saturday "dates" and would lose track of time arriving back at the house to find Levi already there. After the third time he came home to a dejected Levi, sitting on his front stoop like a lost kitten, Eren had offered him a key. Levi had stared at it in awe for several moments before nodding vigorously and placing it prominently on his key ring. 

 

As Eren approached the door, he drew in a deep breath and let out a quiet sigh. He surprised himself with the excitement he felt bubbling within him at the prospect of _coming home to Levi_ and had to will down the warming of his cheeks. Suddenly, a burning need to be next to Levi made itself known within him and he rushed the last few feet to the entrance, fumbling with the lock and handle before bursting through the door. Rose meowed from the kitchen to alert him to Levi's location and Eren giggled at the quiet muttering that joined her symphony. 

"Welcome home," Levi's velvet voice carried from the other room, soothing the ache deep in Eren's core. As Eren rounded the corner, he stopped and stared at Levi, stunned into silence by the beauty before him. Levi was leaning against the counter, one elbow propped against the surface while his other hand gently stirred his cup of tea. Eren noted that Levi must have gotten cold while waiting, as he was currently donning Eren's large hoodie, the sleeves pulled down so Levi could grasp the cuffs in his hands. Levi smiled softly, his eyes shining with fondness as Eren approached. Pale fingers slid around Eren's middle as Levi drew him in and Eren took a deep breath of the fresh, clean scent that had calmed him on so many occasions. 

"How did it go?" Levi asked, as he ran a hand up Eren's spine to tangle in the hair at his nape, "It looks like you're exhausted." 

"I am," Eren sighed, resting his hands-on Levi's hips before sliding them up to palm at his slender waist. "But I'm getting better by the minute," he said with a wide grin. 

"Hmm, why ever could that be?" Levi chuckled, before pressing gently at the back of Eren's head to draw him down into a deep kiss. Eren melted into it, his knees going weak beneath him as he leaned in, pressing his chest against Levi's to maximize contact. They broke apart for just a moment, catching their breath, although the calm and comforting speed of the kiss had left their breathing even and relaxed. Eren met Levi's gaze, the warm pools of mercury drawing him in, so full of an emotion Eren was afraid to pinpoint that it made his breath catch. 

Before Eren could utter another word, Levi licked his lips, not a sensual motion but a pause, a hesitation to spill the words sitting on his tongue. Levi blushed, clearing his throat instead of saying what he had wanted to, and whispered against Eren's lips, "You are stunning." 

Eren blushed and sputtered at the compliment. Eren was no stranger to Levi’s bluntness, or to being told exactly what Levi thought, but compliments such as this were still surprising to him. Eren avoided a proper response, changing the topic to fill Levi in on his meeting with Jean at the diner and the direction the conversation had gone. 

"It still hurts," Eren whispered, after recounting every detail he could to Levi, "that I couldn't make him happy. " Eren paused, biting at his bottom lip before continuing, "But I realized it only hurts because I don't like to fail, and I did in this case. We were never going to work as partners, no matter how hard we tried." Eren's breath hitched. He leaned into Levi's hand still caressing his cheek. "I wanted to be that guy that had the story of his college sweetheart, the model marriage, all that shit," Eren said, shaking his head. An amused chuckle escaped his lips before he explained, "It seems so pointless now, going through everything I did, just to hold up some pipe dream that didn't really matter anyway. It wouldn't have brought me true happiness even if I had succeeded." 

Levi smiled, recognizing the relief in Eren's voice as he spilled his thoughts. Levi carded his fingers through chocolate strands, "I'm so proud of you Eren. You are so strong, so beautiful. I can't believe I'm lucky enough to have you close to me." 

"I realized something Levi, in the dinner. I don't want to freak you out, or scare you off, but I need to tell you something," Eren paused, fidgeting in Levi's grasp. Levi bit his lip, eyes clouding over as he worked through all of the possible reasons Eren would turn so serious. Levi swallowed thickly, fearful that finally sharing some of what he felt through words rather than the actions he had relied on as of late had made Eren uncomfortable. With heightened nerves and an anxious breath, Levi attempted to take a step back and prepared to be rejected for being so open with his feelings before he was dragged firmly against Eren's chest. 

"You make me so happy, Levi," Eren began, breathless and urgent. "I haven't been fair to you. I've held off expressing how much you mean to me for so long because I didn't feel like I had permission to love someone again." Eren's grip on Levi tightened, his hands curling into the soft material of Levi's, or rather his own, sweatshirt. "I didn't--don't-- want to fail like I did with Jean. I'm petrified of losing you," Eren gasped, as though the very thought of a life without Levi stole his breath away. Levi stiffened, overcome with emotion at Eren's confession. He stared a moment, taking in the blush slowly creeping across Eren's face as the realization of how much he had just blurted out registered. Levi's gaze softened quickly as he wrapped his arms once more around Eren's middle. 

"You're such a brat," Levi whispered, burying his face in the crook of Eren's neck to hide his own blush, "I'm scared of losing you too. We've both got things we need to work through, there's no denying it, but I've told you since the beginning that we can do this together." 

Levi tangled his fingers in Eren's hair, pulling him down before pressing their lips together. It was not the soft, smooth glide from before, but rather a wave crashing over a cliff, the emotions breaking free and surrounding the pair. The fingers of Levi's free hand trailed down Eren's side, before dipping below his waistband. Levi grasped at Eren's hip, his palm warm against the smooth skin, and rolled his hips against Eren. Eren sucked in a quick breath at the feeling of Levi's growing erection pressed against his own, having gone so long without such an intimate touch. 

Eren whined, "I'm so _stupid_. I have been keeping us from moving forward because of some stupid rule I had in my head. I need you-” Eren whispered against Levi’s lips before pressing in for another frantic kiss, “-want you close." Eren bit his lip, pulling back enough to lock eyes with Levi before pressing in close again, sucking at the sensitive skin at the junction of Levi's neck and shoulder. Levi bit back a moan, digging his fingers into Eren's hips as his grip tightened in response to the glorious sensations radiating from where Eren was working. After another few moments Levi pulled back, adjusting himself so he was presentable once more. He took a moment to admire Eren's spit slick lips, the way his chest rose and fell with his quick breaths, the glassy lust shining in emerald eyes. Eren blushed and stammered as his growling belly broke the silence. 

"You still up for making dinner or want me to order something?" Levi chuckled. Eren smiled, fondness clear in his gaze as he settled into the feeling of being cared for. He licked his lips, savoring the taste of Levi before blinking slowly, his mind working through the question that had been presented to him. Even in the current situation, Levi kept enough presence of mind to ensure Eren's happiness and well-being was his top priority. 

"Yeah. Just need to rest a minute," Eren said as Levi's lips curved up into that soft smile he'd come to cherish. Eren made his way to the couch, slipping off his shoes and sweater on the way. He heard the clatter of teacups from behind him. A smile to match Levi's spread across his face as Levi set the tea in front of him. 

"What are you grinning at?" Levi asked, one thin eyebrow raising as he stared at the way Eren regarded him in wonderment. 

"You just always know what to do, what I need," Eren murmured, leaning against Levi once he settled on the couch. Levi's strong arm wrapped around Eren's shoulders as he pulled him closer. The TV show that had been playing previously droned quietly in the background. 

Levi hummed to himself. "You’re a pretty easy read," Levi said, his fingers drawing nonsensical patterns on Eren's arm, sporadically drifting up his shoulder before gliding back down. Eren chuckled as he lifted the tea to his lips, inhaling the chamomile and mint as it washed over him before taking his first sip. Levi had learned quickly how Eren took his tea and it was always perfectly replicated, another testament to the care he always tried to display for Eren. 

Levi's hand thread into Eren's hair, blunt nails scratched lightly at his scalp. A soft purr escaped Eren's throat and he jumped as Levi chuckled next to his ear. "I guess I shouldn't keep doing that if I don't want you to fall asleep. We’ll never make it to dinner," Levi whispered. 

Eren nuzzled against Levi's chest, pulling his legs up onto the couch until he was practically curled into Levi's lap. "Why don’t we cook together?" Eren asked. 

Levi smiled, pressing a kiss to the crown of Eren's head, inhaling the comforting scent before kissing him once more. Levi rose slowly from the couch, careful not to jostle Eren too much, and held out a hand to help him up. 

"I think shrimp stew was on the menu for tonight," Levi said, smiling down fondly at Eren. "I’ll peel the shrimp while you make the roux?" Levi asked. 

Eren clasped Levi's hand, hoisting himself off the couch as they made their way to the kitchen. Levi's hand pressed against Eren's lower back as he guided him forward, his fingertips drawing soft circles against Eren's side. As Levi moved about the kitchen, pulling the shrimp from the freezer, placing the onions and bell peppers on the cutting board, setting Eren's favorite stew pot on the stove, Eren stood back and admired him. Levi's movements were so fluid, reminding him of a gymnast going through their warm up routine as if it was second nature. Levi caught his stare and returned it with a small smile as he turned towards the sink to begin peeling the shrimp. 

"You know, I need to remember to thank your mother for giving you this recipe next time she’s in town. It’s one of my favorites," Levi called over his shoulder as Eren began working the roux, their backs only inches apart in the small kitchen. “I couldn’t believe when she came in to—what did she call it-- ‘celebrate your new beginnings’ when you finalized the divorce,” Levi chuckled. 

"Did I tell you it was her grandmother’s recipe?" Eren asked, a bright smile on his face as he recalled when his mother had first told him the story of how her grandmother would keep adding hard boiled eggs to the stew as more of the family would show up on Sunday evenings, ensuring that everyone could get a taste before it ran out. Levi turned, gaze softening as he took in the wistful smile and the happy hum that escaped Eren's lips as he remembered. 

They continued like this, swapping stories about their week, the funny little things the cats had done while Levi had waited for Eren to come home and what their plans were for the coming weekend. As the stew began to come together, Levi brought the shrimp over and slipped them into the pot as Eren stirred. After washing his hands, Levi turned and wrapped his arms around Eren's waist, resting his cheek on Eren's shoulder as he adjusted the heat of the stove. 

"I’m so glad I found you." Levi whispered against Eren's neck, swallowing thickly as he nearly choked on the words that begged to be spilled. It had been such a long time since he had felt safe with someone the way he did with Eren. 

Levi squeezed his eyes shut as he felt a tightness in his chest, brought on by the memory of past pain and rejection he experienced when he last uttered those words. His fear was all for nothing, as he was soothed by the hum he heard from Eren above him. 

Eren placed his hands atop Levi's, squeezing gently in reassurance before whispering a soft, "Me too." 

Eren turned the heat of the stove down, putting the lid on the pot before stepping closer to Levi, curling himself into his embrace. Levi hummed, shaking his head and chuckling as Eren bent awkwardly to tuck his head under Levi's chin and nuzzle closer. 

"What's got you so cuddly, brat?" Levi asked, voice full of fondness as he carded his fingers through Eren's hair. 

"I realized something," Eren murmured, voice muffled against Levi's neck. I have been so scared to let you into my heart, to fall for you the way I have, that I've missed out on so many opportunities to share things with you. I was beating myself up over it the entire walk back." Eren swallowed, nuzzling further into the soft fabric of Levi's shoulder before continuing, "You have been through similar pain, what you told me, what you've _shared_ with me, it would have made me just as afraid if not more so than I am now. But you've let me in. You've found a way to open yourself to me and risk everything just to stay close to me. If you can do that for me, then it's only right that I do it for you." 

Levi blinked owlishly, lips parted in surprise at Eren's confession before pulling him closer until they were nearly crushed together. Levi kissed Eren's forehead softly, then his temple, his cheek, and finally landed a soft, gentle kiss to his lips, trying to formulate the proper response. 

Levi cleared his throat, forcing the words past his lips in stuttered breaths, "I realized when I first saw you that you were something special. You had a presence that I have never seen in someone who has survived what you have." Levi trailed his thumb across Eren's cheekbone before ducking down for another kiss, silencing the protest he heard about to bubble from Eren's lips. Eren's hands uncurled from where they had been pressed against Levi's chest, slipping down his sides to grasp at the slender hips hidden under oversized sweatpants. Levi felt him relax beneath the press of his lips, he dragged Eren closer with a comforting press to the small of his back, feeling Eren's grip on his hips tighten. 

Levi trailed his hand up Eren's spine until his fingers tangled once more in the hair of Erens' nape. "I knew that it would take time, that I would have to learn to trust you and you would have to do the same for me, but I couldn't stop myself from needing to get to know you," Levi whispered into the curve of Eren's neck, pressing warm, open mouthed kisses to the sensitive skin there, Eren's breath hitching at both the words and the sensation. "I knew if I did, I would regret it for the rest of my life," Levi drew back, putting just enough distance between them to catch Eren's gaze, holding it and pouring as much sentiment into his own as possible, "I've had a saying since I was small; it was something my mother would say to me and one of the few things that kept me going through every tough decision and dark moment. 'The only thing we are allowed to believe is that we won't regret the choices we made.' I will never regret the choice I made to stand by you, Eren." 

Levi felt Eren shudder beneath his hands. He stretched up, kissing away the tears that trailed down Eren's cheeks. "Please don’t cry, love,” Levi whispered against Eren’s jaw, “I’m here. I’ve got you.” 

Eren sucked in a deep breath, nodding firmly before standing up straight again. He smiled broadly, running his fingertips down Levi’s neck. He held it there, thumb caressing Levi’s jawline as he leaned down for another kiss. 

The look they shared spoke words not yet ready to slip past their lips, escaped from broken hearts that had been stitched together with kind words and gentle touches. They had both been down a long road to find one another, Eren thought, experienced heartache, frustration, rage, and crippling loneliness. The timer on the stove roused Eren from his thoughts. Smiling fondly, he turned in Levi’s grasp, turning off the stove and plating the stew, Levi’s hands still squeezing his hips gently. 

Once on the couch, they curled up against one another, bowls in hand and blanket draped across their laps. They ate as they watched our favorite show, laughter filling the air as snarky comments and corny remarks passed between them. Seeing that Eren's bowl was empty, Levi nuzzled his cheek and took the bowl from his hands, lifting it up in silent question of if he'd like more. A quick nod from Eren and Levi was trotting into the kitchen for seconds for the both of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You may have noticed that I've updated the chapter count on this work. Next week will be the final chapter. I've had it written since almost the very beginning of the story as it is a real-life embodiment of the fantasy in the very first scene of this fic (i.e. if you want to avoid smut, then this is the last chapter for you). Thank you everyone for sticking with me on this journey. It may be the end of this fic, but not necessarily the story. I may end up writing more of this AU in the future. Once this is complete, I'll be diving head first into Kinktober (yes, I may actually attempt to tackle all 31 prompts as I already have several of this half written).
> 
>  
> 
> Should you have any questions or concerns, feel free to leave a comment or reach out on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/eveningstargazer) as I have stopped being a noob and turned on asks. Thank you again for all of your thoughts, kudos, comments and encouragement. I love hearing what you think of each chapter! See you next week!


	20. Pull Him From the Depths

"Let me take care of you," the words felt like silk as they were carried across Eren’s ear on a warm breath. He had never heard those words said in a way that sent vibrations down his spine, anticipation pooling low in his belly as the true weight of them hit him. Eren's eyes fluttered closed as he gave himself over to Levi's touch. Levi trailed his fingers over the dip of Eren's collar, across his shoulders and down his arms, grasping at Eren's hands once he reached them. 

"We go at your pace," Levi said, before fingering the hem of Eren's t-shirt. Eren nodded, eyes still closed. He took in a sharp breath as Levi's fingers skirted over the soft skin at his waist before they hooked under his shirt and began dragging it up slowly. Inch by torturous inch the shirt was pulled up, until it was slipped over his arms and head gently and laid to the side. After a few moments he cracked his eyes open, only to be met with the sight of Levi's wide eyes scanning every inch of revealed skin. Eren squirmed under his gaze shifting in place as he twisted up his mouth in concern. 

" _Beautiful_ ," Levi breathed and Eren let out a sigh in relief. Levi raised his hand from where it had fallen into his lap, the fingertips hovering over Eren's chest as if wanting to touch but fearing being burned by the radiance emanating from caramel skin. Eren leaned forward, barely a movement but enough to make contact. His breath caught in his throat as Levi's own breath hitched, his eyes going impossibly wider at the contact. Levi met Eren's gaze, licking his lips as he pressed his palm to Eren's chest, splaying his fingers to take in as much of Eren as possible. 

Eren smiled, something small and soft but it made Levi's heart stutter. Levi could see the discomfort residing behind Eren's eyes.

"You are nervous," Levi said, less of a question and more of a request for Eren to elaborate on a well-known fact. 

"It's been so long," Eren said through a sigh as Levi trailed his hands down to palm gently at Eren's hips, "Jean, he--he never really looked at me when we had sex. He just wanted to get down to business. I--I wasn't as much part of the experience as I was a tool for his gratification."

Levi watched Eren's eyes cloud over as the memories crept in on him. Cool fingers trailed down Eren’s bare chest and the muscles below his skin tensed and relaxed under Leiv's feather-light touch. Eren's breath hitched as another pair of lips met his own, just as light as the fingers still trailing across his skin, but filled with the promise that he would be treated like something precious, treated in a way he had never been before.

"That won’t happen here, pup. Not with me. I want to see you, want to take care of you, want to give you everything of me," Levi whispered, resting their foreheads together. 

Eren’s eyelids fluttered as Levi's lips continued to press against his own, gentle at first, before Levi's tongue swept across Eren's bottom lip, asking without pressure for entrance. As his lips parted, Eren felt the small smile that tugged at the corner of Levi’s mouth. A quiet whimper escaped Eren's throat as their tongues danced. Levi asserted a comforting dominance, not demanding, but supportive, keeping true to his word of caring for Eren. Soft words floated on the periphery of Eren's hearing, "I have you. I've got you. I'm here." Eren lost himself in those words, taken out of the memories and deposited safely into Levi's arms.

Leiv's fingers traveled across the hot flesh of Eren’s torso, leaving tiny goosebumps in their wake. "Let me take care of you," Levi repeated, his smooth, velvet voice whispering softly into Eren’s ear. Eren swallowed thickly, trying to stay calm, but his restlessness was betrayed by the trembling of his fingers and the fidgeting of his legs. Levi squeezed at his hips a little tighter in reassurance, thumbs caressing his hipbone as their lips stayed pressed closely together. 

"O-Ok" Eren forced out as they parted for breath, squeezing his eyes shut and willing his body to relax. With a firm but gentle hand against Eren's chest, Levi pressed him back into the mattress. Eren went willingly, mesmerized by the way Levi looked above him. He had always struggled when Jean was atop him. It had made him feel caged, claustrophobic and trapped. With Levi above him, he only felt safe.

Levi took Eren’s wrists gently into one hand, resting them above the brunette’s mop of hair splayed out against the pillow. Eren squirmed again, still unused to the attention. They’d only been intimate for a few months, fooled around often enough to be comfortable around one another, but had yet to take that final step and join together. Eren had held off, fearful that he would react poorly when they did eventually have sex. He still had his demons, still reacted as if Levi was Jean on occasion. It broke Levi’s heart to see his boyfriend like this, but he knew it was nothing he’d done. All he could do was continue to show Eren that he was loved, cared for, held, and cherished.

Eren whimpered as Levi pressed down more firmly. He saw the understanding flash through Levi’s steel grey eyes. Eren surrendered to the adoration he felt swell within him and willed himself to stay calm. Levi trailed a hand up his side, a tiny smile curving his lips. "You are so beautiful, pup," Levi whispered against Eren's neck. Eren tensed at the nickname. He’d always loved being called that, but it was Jean’s chosen name for him. He and Levi had tried to slowly replace those old memories with positive ones, but sometimes it was difficult. 

"Open your eyes for me, pup. I need to see you," Levi said, thumbs stroking Eren's cheekbones from where his hands had come to rest at his jaw. The request was so soft, gentle, but strong and firm, so unlike what Eren remembered from his marriage. He knew he was zoning out, getting trapped in old memories of painful loneliness and disappointment. He knew, too, that Levi would give him time to process through it and pull him out if he got too deep. Eren faintly registered the gentle hands on his cheeks and subconsciously nuzzled into them, knowing he had closed his eyes again while the memories continued to wash over him. 

The memories flickered behind Eren's closed eyelids. He remembered being an afterthought, Jean asking "Do you want any" only after he had found his own completion and pulled out, oblivious to the sticky mess he left dripping out of Eren or any discomfort that might have been caused by repeated failed attempts. Eren was always too tired, too embarrassed, or too turned off to ever take Jean up on the offer. The experience had left him frustrated, needy, and touch starved but struggling to verbalize what it was that he needed.

Eren growled at the memory as anger bubbled up at how oblivious and selfish Jean had been. Even when Eren had worked up the courage to confront Jean on their failing sex life, Jean tried to ‘prove’ he could put Eren first by asking if Eren wanted to be ‘fingered, sucked, or fucked.’ Eren had just rolled his eyes, frustrated with the lack of finesse with which the subject was approached. Eren recalled getting angry when Jean had only shrugged, stating that he assumed Eren wanted to be fucked because that was supposed to be the best orgasm, even when, after ten years together, Eren had only orgasmed from sex twice. Eren had snapped, yelling at Jean for only thinking of himself, knowing he’d get off on sex regardless of if Eren did or not. Jean had only responded defensively, stating he could have pulled out, and then finished Eren off. No matter how many times Eren had tried to explain how that was selfish, it had gone over Jean’s head.

"Pup, Eren, come back to me." Levi’s voice was like a siren, coaxing Eren out of his reverie. "I’ve got you. You’re here with me. It’s just us." It was like this sometimes even when they were just kissing, Levi having to coax Eren back to the present a few times before he relaxed back into the present. Levi had such endless patience for Eren. He knew, by proxy, the pain still gripping at Eren from so many years in an unhealthy relationship, how worn down he had become, how scared he was of repeating the past. Levi had made it his personal mission early on in their relationship to prove to Eren that he wouldn’t ever be trapped, stuck, or lonely again. He had realized how little effort it took to make Eren smile and feel comfortable. Levi often wondered how Jean couldn’t manage to act considerate enough to keep this beautiful creature in his grasps if it just took the love that naturally poured from Levi in Eren’s presence to keep him happy.

Lips pressed softly against Eren’s, coaxing him once again out of his thoughts. Eren blinked his eyes open, sighing contentedly at the smooth, pale face before him. Levi smiled, leaning down for another kiss, eyes full of love and patience.

"Hey," Levi whispered, "You’re back." Eren let out a breathless and humorless chuckle, about to apologize before pale lips once again sealed against his. 

"Don’t apologize," Levi said, drawing back to meet Eren's gaze, "tonight is about you."

Eren sucked in a sharp breath, forcing his eyes to remain open against the onslaught of emotion he felt in that moment before stuttering out, "O--Ok."

Levi smiled, something so soft and fond that it made Eren's heart clench. "I want to take my time with you," Levi whispered, "I want to show you how different things can be."

Eren nodded, not trusting his voice to remain steady as Levi slid down his body, trailing open mouth kisses from his sternum to his firm belly, down to where he needed Levi most. 

"Need you," Eren breathed as Levi's thumbs dug into the soft divots at his hips. 

"I've got you," Levi responded, before hooking his thumbs in the waistband of Eren's sweatpants before gently tugging them down. Eren gasped as he was released from the fabric. Levi licked his lips, leaving the sweatpants hooked around Eren's knees to keep him from squirming. He looked up, catching Eren's gaze in silent question before smiling at the small, nervous nod he received. Levi bit his lip, taking in the pink flush of Eren's cock. 

"I know I said I'm going to take care of you tonight, and I absolutely will not back down from that, but I have _got_ to feel this inside of me another day," Levi said, voice a little breathless as he reached up and wrapped his hand around the thick base. Eren blushed fiercely, throwing an arm over his face in embarrassment but nodding furiously in agreement. 

Levi smirked before dipping his head and leaving trailing kitten licks and kisses up the underside of Eren's shaft. Eren groaned as Levi finally took the head into his mouth sucking gently at it while laving his tongue against the slit. Eren's legs squirmed beneath Levi, trapped within the confines of the fabric still wrapped around them. 

"You ok, pup?" Levi asked, lips barely a breath above the bead of pre-cum gathering on the head of Eren's cock. Eren nodded his assent, taking a deep breath before removing his arm and meeting Levi's gaze, only to slam his head back into the pillow as Levi took his entire length in one go. Levi mumbled something around it, the vibrations causing Eren's back to arch off the bed. He felt Levi's lips tighten around the base in a smile as Levi's nose nuzzled into the neatly trimmed chestnut curls there. Eren felt his cock twitch as Levi swallowed around him, breaths coming in harsh pants. Then, Levi began to move, slender fingers gripping at Eren's hips as Levi sucked his cock like he was born to do it. 

It was an embarrassingly short amount of time before Eren was writing beneath Levi. Despite the firm grip on his hips, his legs had squirmed enough that his pants were now wrapped tightly around his ankles, causing his legs to bow awkwardly as he tried to accommodate Levi still working between his thighs. Levi shifted, noticing the strain in Eren's breathing and quickly removed the last piece of clothing, crawling back up Eren's body to plant soft kisses on his neck, up to his jaw, and finally to his bitten lips. Eren relaxed into the mattress, feeling less restrained and more comfortable as Levi drew his lower lip between his own. 

Levi rolled his hips, causing Eren's eyes to fly open and a gasp to escape his throat as their cocks brushed against one another. Levi wrapped his hands around both of them, stroking against the velvet skin stretched taught with arousal. Eren's eyes rolled back as Levi rolled his hips once more, the slide of his hand coupled with the friction of his cock rubbing against Eren tumbling him towards his release. 

"Cum whenever you want, pup," Levi breathed, mouthing at the crook of Eren's neck as he continued his shallow thrusts into his fist still tightly wrapped around them. 

Eren had never cum before a partner before, never been attended to in such a way, and it was breathtaking. His hips stuttered from the rhythm they had fallen into before he came, stomach going taught as his shoulders rose off the bed, nearly curling in on himself. Levi nuzzled at his cheek, kissing him softly and whispering words of praise before helping Eren relax back down onto the sheets. When Eren's breath had evened out once more, he reached out blindly for Levi, who was resting above him chest to chest, forearms on either side of Eren's head. 

"Welcome back," Levi chuckled. Eren bucked his hips once as the tremor of an aftershock hit him. He felt Levi's hardness, heavy and thick against his hip and he raised a questioning brow. 

"You didn't cum," Eren said, confusion laced in his voice. Levi smiled softly at him, raising a hand to brush sweat drenched chestnut strands from Eren's forehead.

"Don't worry about me, Eren," Levi said, rolling his hips and sighing contentedly, "I just want to take my time with you." With that, Levi nudged his hip against Eren, helping him to turn over onto his belly. Levi left wet trails behind open mouthed kisses down Eren's spine. Eren sighed, wanting to protest at the attention but finding he was too relaxed to do so. When Levi finally reached the pert, round globes of Eren's ass, he stopped to admire them. Eren shifted, feeling Levi's gaze as though it were burning him, before tensing as Levi's hands slowly began to knead at the firm flesh. Levi resumed the kisses across Eren's back, soothing away the lingering anxiety and self-consciousness. 

"So beautiful," Levi whispered between kisses, "perfect for me." 

Eren squeezed his eyes shut, raising his hand to his mouth and biting into his knuckles to silence the noises escaping his mouth as Levi hooked his thumbs between Eren's cheeks and spread them apart. Eren's breath hitched as he felt the warm, wet swipe of Levi's tongue across his entrance. He melted beneath Levi's ministrations, the soft, gentle strokes of Levi's tongue easing him further into relaxation. 

"L--Levi," Eren groaned, "please." 

Levi chuckled, low and dark, as he continued to lap at Eren, sliding his thumbs through the slick wetness he had created to massage Eren's rim and loosen him further. 

"What do you need?" Levi mumbled, barely lifting his head from between Eren's still spread cheeks. 

"M--More," Eren moaned as Levi stiffened his tongue and prodded at the clenching ring of muscle.

Levi closed his eyes, savoring the sounds drifting down from above him. After another few swipes of his tongue he felt Eren relax, tension bleeding out of him as he sunk further into the feeling of Levi, the pressure of his tongue, the warmth of his breath, the firm press of his fingertips as they touched every inch he could reach. 

Once Levi could move his tongue in and out of Eren without much resistance, he hooked his thumbs back between Eren's cheeks, spreading them wide as Eren clenched around Levi's tongue at the stretch. Levi sucked his thumbs into his mouth quickly, ensuring they were well covered with spit before sliding them against Eren's rim once more. He pressed gently, watching as the muscle fluttered beneath his caress. Levi bit his lip and used a little more pressure, the muscle parting slowly for him as Eren groaned and buried his head in the pillow. 

Eren was trembling, breathy moans muffled by the pillow as Levi continued to apply pressure, not truly trying to enter, but keeping Eren pliant and relaxed. Once Eren began to squirm, rocking his hips back to try to force Levi's thumbs inside, Levi pulled away, relishing the needy whine Eren made in response. 

"I've got you," Levi soothed, "Don't worry. I just need to get the lube. No chance in hell I'm trying anything more without that. I want you to feel your best." With that, he reached to the side of the bed, pulling the small bottle from the drawer where he knew Eren kept a stash. He popped the cap, giving a light swat to Eren's ass to stop the squirming. 

Levi surveyed Eren spread before him, biting his lip in contemplation. "Wanna see you," he murmured, helping Eren turn onto his back.

Eren smiled softly at him, eyes blown wide and looking a bit glazed. Levi smoothed a hand under Eren's thigh, guiding it up onto his shoulder so Eren was once again splayed for him. He watched, enraptured as Eren's head tilted back, eyes rolling back as Levi slowly pressed his middle finger inside. It was moments before Eren was begging for another finger, hips rocking in an uneven rhythm against Levi's hand. Levi obliged, tracing Eren's rim with his pointer finger before adding just enough pressure to let it slip inside. 

The sounds Eren made were the sweetest music Levi had ever heard. Levi would do anything to keep Eren mumbling incoherently, lost in the intoxicating ecstasy Levi was showering him in. When Levi finally pressed his ring finger in and splayed his fingers, twisting his hand so the tips grazed against Eren's prostate, Eren jolted off the bed, cock spurting, evidence of his second orgasm before he fell back to the bed.

Levi watched as his fingers slipped further into Eren, encouraged and drawn in by the convulsions and the following relaxation of the muscles. Levi looked up, adoring smile shifting to concern when he saw the tears streaming freely down Eren's face. He kept his fingers inside Eren, not wanting to jolt him with sudden emptiness and shimmied his way up Eren's body. 

"Eren, love. What's wrong? Is everything OK?" Levi asked, stroking the sweat drenched strands from Eren's forehead.

"Why?" Eren asked, voice barely a whisper as he turned his head away from Levi's gaze, "I don't understand why you are doing this?”

Levi's face fell, anger stirring deep within him as he realized the implications of Eren's question. "Because you are worth it, Eren," Levi explained, "You are worth taking care of. You are worth taking my time with." Eren squeezed his eyes shut, willing away the tears that continued streaming down his cheeks. Levi leaned in, kissing them away. He stroked Eren's cheek with his free hand, his fingers resuming a slow, gentle pace. Eren breathed deep, sighing out the last bit of tension that had welled within him under Levi's care. 

As he felt Eren relax once more around him, Levi shifted, kissing his way down Eren's torso before taking Eren's cock into his mouth, taking him to the hilt before sucking gently. Wanting to ensure Eren could take him without any pain or discomfort, Levi slowly worked his pinky in beside his other three fingers. Eren sighed, relaxed enough that he didn't clench around the extra girth, giving himself over to Levi without another thought. It had been so long, so many years, since he had felt comfortable with a partner. Levi's soft breath, his whispered words, his comforting touch combined to ground Eren in the present, free from the memory of harsh words, pain, and loneliness. 

Eren bit his lip as Levi finally pressed the head of his slicked-up cock to his stretched rim, hips bucking weakly as he was lost in the pressure. Levi leaned forward, kissing Eren softly as he added a little more pressure. 

"I've got you," Levi whispered, stroking Eren's cheekbone with his clean hand as he continued to add pressure a little at a time. Levi was much bigger than Jean, but Eren held on to the fact that Levi had taken his time, prepared him enough to take him without pain. Eren nodded, sharing Levi's breath as they stayed close. Levi nuzzled against Eren's nose, eyes staying open and locked on Eren's to gauge any discomfort he might see flash behind emerald eyes. When he saw none, he rolled his hips gently. The pair gasped as Eren finally stretched around Levi. Eren's eyes widened before fluttering closed as he relaxed further, the unusual pressure easing into a comforting fullness. 

'Finally together,' Eren thought, only realizing he had said the words aloud when Levi murmured in agreement. Levi held his position, waiting for Eren to relax further before rolling his hips gently until he bottomed out, both sighing in the feeling of finally being connected in the most intimate way. 

"Love you," Eren sighed, the words slipping easily from his lips as if he had said them to Levi a thousand times. In essence he had. He had infused every touch, every word, every moment shared with Levi with all the love and gratitude he had within him, and Levi had done the same. 

"Love you, Eren," Levi whispered without a moment's hesitation, rolling his hips and making Eren's breath hitch and his hips stutter. 

Eren slid his hands up Levi's arms until they gripped at his shoulders, nails leaving pink indentations in the pale skin. "M--More," he begged, rolling his hips in time with Levi's thrusts to draw him deeper. Levi buried his face in the crook of Eren's neck before quickening his pace, thrusts long and deep so that his heavy cock dragged against Eren's walls in fluid motions. 

Eren was lost, a babbling mess of sensation as Levi took him, thrusts deep as if seeking to claim the innermost parts of Eren. Levi's free hand roamed Eren's body, touch possessive but soothing as Eren slowly lost the ability to meet Levi's thrusts, swept away by the intoxicating exhaustion that came with the overwhelming sensation of _Levi_.

When Eren came it was as though the sky had opened above him, sparks flying behind his eyelids as he squeezed them shut, back arching so far off the bed that Levi was nearly lifted with him. Levi held him steady, a hand beneath his lower back to keep him arched as Levi made the last several thrusts necessary to bring about his own release. Levi bit into Eren's shoulder as he came, overcome with sensation after holding himself at the edge for so long as he took care of Eren. 

As their breathing evened out, Eren made to get up as he was used to doing, assuming their shared intimacy had drawn to a close for the night after they both reached their completion. A strong arm wrapped around his waist and pulled his back flush against Levi's chest. 

Levi nuzzled into Eren's nape before whispering against the damp skin, "None of that, Eren. I've got you. Let me take care of you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for you support on my first multi-chap. I'm excited to keep writing for all of you and would love for you to check out my next work. It's just the first little taste but you can find it here: [Through the Mist](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15936371/chapters/37160285).
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has read, commented, kudosed and otherwise supported this work. You have been my motivation and strength on this journey and I can't wait to hear from you again.
> 
> Should you have any questions or concerns, feel free to leave a comment or reach out on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/eveningstargazer)


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